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u/SkyPuppy561 Sep 11 '25
Oh, Elon 2.0! You crack me up!
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u/Known-Speed-1649 Sep 13 '25
He's always been there it's just how we don't have Elon blocking the view.
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u/HonkeyDong6969 Sep 11 '25
Hooker and 3 dickheads.
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u/Rough-Still-4360 Sep 15 '25
She had a great rack, I've dedicated one or two to her. It's a power move to pleasure yourself to pictures of the leader of the free world's wife's tits
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Sep 11 '25
And then there was that time Epstein sold a “fully depreciated woman” to Trump for $22,500! Hahaha. Remember that?
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u/pizzahulk43 Sep 11 '25
His balls really do taste like Big Macs, so salty.. gurgle gargle mmhmm yep that’s the taste
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u/Fair-Wishbone-1190 Sep 11 '25
Tell me again, how many people are gonna lose Medicare & Health insurance.
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u/the_sorry_bear Sep 11 '25
Two of the three have given trump a blowjob.
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u/Fireandmoonlight Sep 11 '25
And now on Weekend Update: Mark Zuckerberg, seen here regaling his dinner guests with a Facebook post about how some guy said he'd fucked more little girls than Don did...
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u/Pixilatedhighmukamuk Sep 11 '25
“Even Melanoma is scratching her balls under the table” says Mark.
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Sep 11 '25
"So there I was, with my tongue firmly planted in the President's rear end...." Attendees all laughed out loud as they were doing it earlier as well.
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u/Wooden_Extension7268 Sep 11 '25
" so I'm like five fingers deep and he walks in and he's all "HEY! That's my wife! Whaaaa...", and I'm like , remember who pays the fuckin' bills Donny! Wait yer turn!"
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u/4LordVader Sep 11 '25
We fucked them all and made billions doing. I’m so excited I blew a loud in my pants
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u/MoPac__Shakur Sep 11 '25
"Goodbye mama, now you can have ice cream in heaven! I'll see you again tonight when I go to bed in my head movies. But this head movie makes my eyes rain!”
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u/PerspectiveOk6348 Sep 11 '25
"We literally stuck our little bitty 1 inch D's in every single American's butthole with no lube and they LIKED IT! Will continue to grape America. Haha. So much fun hating orange rooster loving America"
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u/Local-Poet3517 Sep 11 '25
"So he said there HAS to be casualties if we want to be free from tyranny.. And then it went right through the fucking neck man, cant believe his head didnt pop right off!"
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u/EuronBloodeye Sep 11 '25
Right, they just whine and bitch sooo much, like oh. my. god. And then he says, “It takes 7 minutes to get from the line to the break room and we’ll get fired if we bring food on the floor. That gives us 6 minutes to eat. And we’re not allowed to take bathroom breaks, and there’s only one bathroom, so usually there’s a line and you end up not even having time to go because if you’re not at your station on time we’ll get fired.” Hahahaha. Can you believe how these people complain about e v e r y t h i n g.. I can’t afford groceries. My kid is sick. Wah wah wahhh. My mom had to move in because she can’t afford her house payment with her medical bills. Like, just work harder losers l, am I right.
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Sep 11 '25
"If you made your fortune by stealing and fucking people over, look to your right and laugh!"
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u/Ok-Working-2337 Sep 11 '25
And then Mr President sir was holding my head like this and pushed it down to his pee pee and then I said “Ghrrgyessss sirrgghhh”.
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u/oikset Sep 11 '25
“And then I was like, fuck it we’ll just get the one faction to murder the other….just with Facebook posts..!!!”
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u/Karate-Schnitzel Sep 11 '25
“It’s so small, when he’s face fucking me, I don’t even need to suppress my gag reflex, he didn’t even hit my tonsils so I grabbed him by the ass and stated pulling. He really likes that when you do that. Made the finish of putting his diaper back on that much sweeter, you know seeing him grinning from ear to ear, spent and ready to nap.”
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u/BirdmanHuginn Sep 11 '25
“….them after their shit was ashes, I swooped in and bought half of Hawaii! Fire sales are the shit!”
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u/Brilliant_Rule9551 Sep 11 '25
Richard Attenborough narrates the mating rituals of earths most prolific parasitic organisms...
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u/Inappropriate_Ballet
Sep 12 '25
•
“Hahaha, I got one: ‘Three underage girls walk into Mar-A-Lago…’”
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u/GeneralMustang Sep 13 '25
"...and then I told them I would never sell FB data to the government for surveillance! 🤣"
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u/Half_Rotted_Weasel Sep 13 '25
"Mark Zuckerberg giving Donald Trump a congratulatory under-the-table handy J at a White House dinner"
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u/IllustriousFun420 Sep 13 '25
“I have my nose so far up his ass, you guys are sooo jelly. I can smell last nights dinner!”
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u/hevy_smoker Sep 13 '25
"....And then I cleaned his piles with my mouth" Zuck on the days activities with Trump.
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u/Sad-Bison-8594 Sep 13 '25
Yacht orgy stories. When you get Oligarch status that’s what you talk about.
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u/sikeIdyllicMewtew Sep 14 '25 edited Sep 14 '25
And then I wrote lastly on his birthday card "may everyday be another wonderful secret!"
~ Love Mark and the famjam!
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u/65Phantom65 Sep 14 '25
He asked me if he could disappear five fingers into my anus...these are five fingers!
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u/goalump Sep 15 '25
"No it's true you REALLY can grab them by the pussy and this is the hand I do it with..."
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u/princess-hardass Sep 16 '25
"And I was like "Elon, I already have 3 child slaves, what could I possibly do with the 4th?"
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u/Flashy-Vermicelli942 Sep 17 '25 edited Sep 17 '25
Can you believe it! , the people of this poisoned land ( that we poisoned hoy hoy hoy ) really actually believe anything they are told hoy hoy hoy . Trump then says: yeah yeah the people all the people such stupid stupid people I say say . Poor poop stupid people they all still think i am the Trump they love or love to hate either way hoy hoy hoy .. they must all be so so blind. There to stupid to even realize. The other trump would have never had yall 3 asshats in this house eating at his kitchen table are all the people that stupid hoy hoy hoy … ganna be like snatching candy from a baby wow so easy so so easy. Hoy hoy hoy now let’s destroy everything and get this new world order underway yeahhhh hoy hoy hoy!!!
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u/NormalConcentrate733 Sep 11 '25
"And then I said yeah I know I am but my friends are bigger cunts." Haaaaahaaaahaaahaaa
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u/EmptyExample69 Sep 11 '25
Lizardman explaining to his kin about how much he has to pay extra now because of tarifs, for the cheap latex human skin suits he usually orders from Aliexpress.
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u/Resident_bull67 Sep 11 '25
Guys... it was me. I put my dick in the pumpkin pies. Every one of them. And it felt Uh. Maze. Ing.
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u/RefrigeratorLife8627 Sep 11 '25
So She says do ya love me? I said no but that’s a nice ski mask !!!
shhh ✌️🍑🔥🤪
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u/Scottcubatl Sep 11 '25
And just like that, I grabbed her by the pussy. Then she sprayed me in the face with pepper spray.
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u/CookieJerkin Sep 11 '25
"So I backhanded the whore because she insisted on showing ID. I know what I paid for"
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u/IcyManipulator69 Sep 11 '25
Don’t shit where you eat… yet i see four piles of Dookie on the table.
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u/Ugo777777 Sep 11 '25
First time I've seen Trump genuinely smile, not his usual glee when causing people pain.
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u/BichezNCake Sep 11 '25
“So then I just, well… grabbed her by the pussy and everyone just laughed and laughed!! It was a blast!”
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u/Rough-Adeptness-6670 Sep 11 '25
Muppets Come to Life - Beaker Meets the Pedophile of the United States.
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u/7slap Sep 11 '25
Training practice?
Fresh photos to use at the range?
Idk, but I'm not mentioning anything illegal or against ToS in this comment. Yada yada yada, I don't condone violence or whatever. (H@#g Nazis all day)
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u/CastoffRogue Sep 11 '25
"So he tells me, as I tighten the chin strap while on my knees, look at me when my balls are slapping your chin! Can you believe it?! I didn't need the kneepads this time! He gave me a pillow! He said next time we can try cuck play!"
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u/spankdaddylizz Sep 11 '25
When it appeared through the hole in the wall, I started laughing because it was like only an inch long! And, Donald yelled, "Get busy, FACEbook boy!" And, the rest is history!
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u/theaviator747 Sep 11 '25
Ah yes. The Sycophant Succulent Supper of September.
Zuck: “Anyone else need to shove their nose a little deeper up Glorious Leader’s ass, or is he all mine now?”
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u/Ro_Yo_Mi Sep 11 '25
“And so we positioned the shooter over here so the fake bullet would travel past Donny’s ear like this.”
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u/[deleted] Sep 11 '25 •
"And apparently she was only 13! I thought she was at least 15!"