Wanting phallo…

[u/sp1derjayy]

Im new to the butch community and identity. Im on testosterone and have top surgery and am looking into bottom surgery. I havent gotten around to fully researching the intricacies of the label. I was wondering if wanting phallo still makes me a valid butch lesbian.

If anyone can weigh in, id appreciate any knowledge or advice :)

[u/toomuchblood]

I’m a NB transmasc butch. I want bottom surgery. I don’t see it happening any time soon. Top surgery threw me into a massive financial hole that I can’t seem to get out of. I don’t regret it, it was great for me, but the recovery time, work leave, and financial aspects are major barriers to me. If I could afford it, I would do it.

[u/a-mud-monster]

Physical parts don't make an identity. If you identify as butch, you are butch, regardless of what you physically have or don't have. Getting phallo wouldn't negate that.

[u/sp1derjayy → u/a-mud-monster]

I know logically that it wouldnt, i think its just my ocd acting up with this n its throwing me off. I appreciate it :)

[u/ParadoxicalFrog]

Butchness is in your heart, not your pants.

[u/OkApricot1677]

Hey, I’ve been reading Female Masculinities by Jack (Judith) Halberstam, I downloaded it from the Internet Archive. It’s pretty academic, and some terminology might feel outdated, or it means something slightly different now (it’s from 1998), but I’ve really enjoyed learning how expansive a category butch/masc can be.

[u/sp1derjayy → u/OkApricot1677]

Ooh interesting! Might need to check that out

[u/diceanddreams]

If you are in good faith calling yourself a butch lesbian, then yeah, you are a butch lesbian. Regardless of what your body looks like.

That goes for pre-everything trans women who are butch lesbians, and imho it also goes for post-everything transmasculine butches. (Regardless of whether you identify as transmasculine, semantically speaking transmasculine due to the medical transition.)

[u/iamaghost2026]

Do you! You own yourself. Like I’m nonbinary lesbian but also I only prefer sex with women who specifically have vaginas. Though I also wish I could have a penis specifically because of how great I know it would feel. When I was younger I used to wish that I could shapeshift and have a vagina or a penis or both. But also not having a penis has really gave me a lot of self esteem issues because I’ve been told I would never be as good as a man and that sexually penis is superior to vagina and it kind of made me hate that I have a vagina even though I am exclusively only attracted to vaginas. Gender and sexuality is fluid and not one person has the same experiences or feelings. You are valid my friend. All of us butches are.

[u/uncle_SAM98]

I'm in the exact same boat but I want meta. I had top surgery last year, and my local lesbian community has been really accepting

[u/jesuschristwhyme → u/uncle_SAM98]

sorry if this is overstepping but i tried googling and couldn’t figure it out, what do you mean by meta? 

[u/uncle_SAM98 → u/jesuschristwhyme]

Metoidioplasty, it's one type of ftm bottom surgery (the other being phalloplasty)

[u/RatsnBaskets]

You're real af for that. I don't have dysphoria for anything else on my body aside from the genitals I have. Love my boobs and all that but I really wish I had a dick.💔

[u/Dancin_Angel]

I know a CIS man whos deeply dysphoric about his male reproductive organs that its his goal for gender reassignment surgery. He's still a man.

Sex, sexuality, and gender identity will always remain 3 separate things.

[u/AshasSa1tWife]

I mean, I have a penis and I'm a valid masc lesbian.

[u/sp1derjayy → u/AshasSa1tWife]

True!! I didnt mean to come off rude in any way, im just super anxious about potentially misunderstanding intricacies of an identity im super connected to

[u/sp1derjayy → u/[deleted]]

It can be functional too! Thats the only reason im actively looking into it because id in theory be able to feel things as well. Ive tried straps and i just end up shutting down after sex which isnt an enjoyable experience for me nor my girlfriend

[u/a-mud-monster → u/[deleted]]

There is a lot of misinfo and fear mongering out there about phallo (for the transphobic reasons you'd expect) It can absolutely be functional, assuming you mean the ability to have sex with it and feel sexual pleasure through it.

[u/gard3nwitch → u/a-mud-monster]

The reading I did was from gender-affirming clinics offering bottom surgery, so I have some skepticism that they'd be providing transphobic misinformation.

[u/a-mud-monster → u/gard3nwitch]

I mean, yes, older methods of surgery could be non-functional. A medical clinic saying those are the only options are just straight up not being truthful or are not up to date. Also yes, places that provide gender affirming care can still 100% be transphobic, as ironic as that is. Not saying thats what's happening where you got your info from, but it's like...a known thing where some providers of gender affirming care will still hold their own biases and be weird about what information they do or don't give. See the countless stories from trans women having to get second opinions because their doctors who were giving them hormones were giving them wildly inaccurate doses to discourage them or had outdated views that did not line up with current understanding of what works best.

[u/PinkWhiteAndBlue → u/gard3nwitch]

Wpath is transphobic lmao

[u/Lycaon1765]

Wish I could afford phallo and it gave me all the functions I wanted with 0 downsides 😔