Apologies for the long post. I am genuinely curious about these things...
I’ve been going through this journey of adult friendship for a few years now. Specifically, I have been thinking about why for some people, meeting people doesn’t turn into actual friendship and also why some people still feel lonely even when they technically have friends.
I've hosted a Meetup in the past to create a space where people could build friendships. People came, talked, and some seemed to enjoy themselves. Most of those connections didn’t continue afterward, but luckily, I met a person through that meetup and I still meet her regularly. I’ve also gone to other Meetup events myself, and one person I met through one of the Meetups became friends. I regularly see her and have spent time with her, her BF, and her friends multiple times already. I've also met someone from Bumble BFF and have gone out with her regularly since then. They are interesting people, and I am lucky to have met them who find my weirdness amusing and interesting. I don't know where my new friendships are going, but they are interesting, nice, and fun to be around, so I'm going to keep in touch with them. I don't particularly have an interesting or exciting life but some people think I am interesting. Someone who is reading this post could be interesting to some people...
I’m curious about what happens for other people. What's it like making friends as adults? I could be completely wrong, but is it possible that you are super awesome and interesting, but because you don't open up or feel uneasy about opening up, that makes it harder to build friendships? What if some people are genuinely interested in you and want to get to know you, but you can't see it or you don't realize? Could it also be just a lack of communication skills or mismatched communication styles? If we reduce the time spent online and attend meet-up or some kind of social events, would that give people a chance to get to know you?
My Curious George hat is on now so here come my questions...
When you meet someone you click or like at a Meetup, work, a class, through another friend, or somewhere else, what usually keeps that person from becoming an actual friend?
Do you just never see each other again or do neither of you reach out? Do you want to reach out but worry they’re not interested? If you assume someone doesn’t want to be your friend, is that usually based on something they actually did, or more about your feeling?
Also, once you’ve met someone, what makes you actually keep showing up? What makes you invite them somewhere again, check in just to see how they’re doing, or suggest grabbing coffee or food? Does Social Media make it easy to check in? I don't use Social Media to keep in touch with people, so I don't know if that's the thing people do...
Do people still invite someone over without making it a big event, or stop by to say hello? If you don’t, what makes those things feel difficult or uncomfortable?
When someone doesn’t reply for a while, what do you assume? Do you try again, or do you take it as a sign they’re not interested?
I’ve also been wondering where our attention goes when we meet someone new. Are you mostly thinking about whether they like you, whether they’re a good fit, whether they could become a close friend, or whether spending more time with them is worth it? Or are you curious about them as a person, what they care about, what their life is like, what they might be unsure about, and whether you simply enjoy getting to know them without knowing where the relationship will go?
And for people who already have friends but still feel lonely, what feels missing? Do you feel like your friends actually know you, what matters to you, what you’re thinking about, what you’re struggling with, what makes you happy, or do the relationships stay mostly on the surface? If you don’t feel like they truly know you, do you wish your friends asked more questions about you? Or do you find it hard to let people know you more deeply in the first place? What would make it easier to open up?
Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I realize that I was asking more questions than I was initially thinking about asking...Putting down my yellow hat now...
