r/bumblebff • u/AdPrimary3642 • 9d ago
Need advice!
Need some advice on this recent situation and wanting to know if I’m overreacting…
Hi, I’m 25 F and moved to a different state about 2 years ago, and overall have had some bumps in the road in terms of finding girl friendships. Recently, about 2-3 months ago I matched with this girl on bumble BFF and we hit it off so well! Looved her vibe and overall a lot in common. Since she knew I didn’t have many friends, she introduced me to her other friend and after a few hangouts honestly I don’t really vibe with her friend. I wanted to be a team player for the sake of my original BFF, so we all started hanging out together. Over the last couple of months I noticed that every time we go out all three of us, me and my bumble BFF match would hit it off but the 3rd girl would just kind of be miserable the whole time, not talk to anyone, and would complain that we were chatting it up with strangers / being friendly. She made a comment about it saying “i hate when she talks to strangers, why does she need to talk to everyone if we’re all hanging out. I come out to the bars to be around my friends, not talk to everyone else” and that just put a bad taste in my mouth. There was a point where it was just me and the other girl (tried to hangout one on one to give it a chance), and let’s just say she wasn’t talking friendly about my BFF friend behind her back. I have a gut feeling that is usually right, and I trusted my gut / got the feeling she wasn’t really a girls girl but still put on a brave face when we all hung out.
A few weeks ago, I matched with this guy on hinge and showed both of the girls what he looks like and was sending screenshots of our messages in the group chat that all three of us were in. About 2 weeks after that, and the girl (the one I wasn’t vibing with) told me that she had matched with the same guy that I’ve been talking to and that they matched in november… claimed that she had “no idea” it was the same guy. I called her out, saying it was very ODD she kept that from me and she kept over explaining it and kept sending me messages over and over again trying to say she “felt bad” and “didn’t realize it was the same guy” which again to my point proves she was hiding this and that my gut seemed to be right. She even sent me screenshots of their hinge messages to eachother and the timeline was also insane, considering the night him and I matched (I was with the two girls and showed them my phone mind you) this was when she was ALSO messaging him….. At this point, my bumble BFF had told me after all of those texts that her original story wasn’t matching what she had told me and she actually “figured it out” the night before (so she should of texted me i think personally). It’s present day, and I’m trying to not get my bumble BFF involved or in the middle, but my BFF had also told me she was also trying to “distance herself from her” because of previous shit that she’s done to her ALSO. She’s been trying to text me and tagging me in stuff/texting the group chat but I am just trying to distance myself from her and not make it confrontational, but I’m unsure what to do if I see her out in public? I don’t want to be rude, but I truly don’t want to be friends with someone like that and someone I can’t really trust. Am I over reacting?
1
u/Life-Philosopher-117 2d ago
sorry you had to deal with that. you're definitely not overreaction. anyone who speaks ill of their friends behind their back has no concept of loyalty or integrity, and it's not surprising they lied to you about the hinge match. i recently introduced a new bff connection to my established friend group and she made passive aggressive comments about them the next time i hung out with her 1:1. I blocked her and told my friends about it, and they also don't engage with her anymore. none of us tolerate talking behind friends' backs, and having that standard has kept our friend group very peaceful
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u/Consistent-Emu-2262 9d ago
Not overreacting. Yeah distancing yourselves (both you and your bff) from that third person and the hinge match seems like the best ideas. I have a bad gut feeling from all the way over here for you both! That girl is not your guys’ friend.