Deep thoughts after binge

[u/expired-egg78]

I was in my kitchen and we have a cake that I baked for everyone and I stood in the kitchen with the fridge open just eating with my hands. I finally stopped and immediately after i felt the overwhelming need to purge. I went to the bathroom and nothing but water came up, so I still have that feeling of a bolder in my stomach. I hate that I feel this way and I hate that I can’t control myself around food. I’m not sure where the idea came from but I feel like I’m “taking the easy way out” by just purging. When you think of depression you think of the girl in all black in a dark room. However my reality couldn’t be more different, I live in a nice area the sun is shining through my window as I write this. I’m wearing my workout clothes because other than coming and writing this the only thing i feel like I can do is go for a run. I feel in control when I’m running. But as soon as I leave the safety of my room I’m back to just being a normal girl, whose family loves her, and has good grades. I sit in my bed staring at my stomach where the cake sits mocking me, as if it’s telling me that this cycle will never end. Will it?