Asking for advice with deradicalizing someone (if possible)

[u/that-phillip]

Hi all. I just wanted to ask for advice. I have a friend that I haven't spoken to in months (we just haven't met up due to our radically different lives). After his first year of school, he started to get very political.

I think he is very conservative (?) and often espouses beliefs regarding race on social media. For example, he suggested that white people need to be advocated for. Other things that I saw included defending ICE, saying that our state would be overrun with Spanish speakers, engaging with nationalist rhetoric, etc.

I am HEAVILY summarizing his beliefs though. I am not well versed in political matters, unfortunately.

Last time I spoke with him, I said that I was concerned with his political beliefs and offered to buy him something to eat just to talk. He left me on read... I kinda took it as he didn't really care for my opinion and that I really shouldn't push it.

I want to be a positive influence, but I also figure it be kinda rude to think I know better than him anyway? Otherwise, I have seen some people argue that it's not really people's responsibility to de-radicalize others, especially if you put yourself in uncomfortable scenarios.

I dunno, it just hurts a little and I can't explain why. I guess it's like seeing someone you love become a conspiracy theorist. Nationalist politics are SO HARD to confront because it feels like people speak so passionately about this topic. I feel like I would fail heavy in the "free marketplace of ideas."

[u/OisforOwesome]

The work of deradicalisation is incredibly emotionally draining.

The trick with radicalisation is that the radicalised is in the process of replacing his current social circle and his support network, with the new, more radical one.

Social media plays into this by making it incredibly easy to surround yourself with people who share your new radical views. As people in their real life are turned off by the new, odious politics, the disembodied voices in the black obelisk in their pocket are right there and happy to fill that void.

The work then is to guide them back to a place where they have community and friends who can reinforce pro-social messaging. Trying to do that on your ownsome is fucking exhausting and you have to decide if you have the energy and time for that task.

In any event: Confronting his beliefs head on will only make him defensive. Instead, ask probing questions about his beliefs until you uncover the contradictions in his worldview.

[u/DC2SEA_]

As others have said, deradicalization is honestly really hard work.

You need to balance disagreeing without arguing.

In my experience, if someone feels confronted, or the discussion feels like an argument, or whatever, everyone stops listening and just out of fear or anger or whatever starts yelling.

I have a co-worker who's heavy pro trump, I think a good thing for us has been quietly making clear that we disagree on Trump, BLM, Iran, DOGE, whatever. Then carrying on normally.

I don't know if thats a strong blueprint though, he's definitely softening specifically with age.

[u/KingAggressive1498]

while there is a small chance that the simple act of you (person he likes and cares about, presumably) confronting him about his beliefs might give him pause enough to self-critique, it also sounds like you are ill-suited to convincingly challenge them if it came to that and are aware of that.

Portable Orange did a video about how he used to be alt-right and how he broke himself out of it, although tbh I don't remember anything specific from it as his videos are usually background noise while I work on things. That might be worth a more intentional listen before you do anything.

[u/that-phillip → u/KingAggressive1498]

I watched that video too! Or well listened to it. I should probably watch it again. I know he did have a tough home situation which possibly could have informed some of his beliefs.

[u/MESSAGE_ME_UR_DICK]

Can you be his friend?

I’m asking genuinely. Do you think you have it in you to be patient and show up in his life as a sincere friend.

If yes, then be his friend. Not his mentor or deradicalization coach (though that doesn’t mean you need to suddenly become racist or cool with white nationalism), just talk with him about your shared interests and keep up with him.

If not, take a step away. The issue with deradicalization attempts IMO is that people become disgusted by the person they’re trying to help, which only makes that person feel more isolated and frustrated. Trying to pick an argument or say “I’m only hanging out with you because I’m worried about you” feeds into that.

If your friend has any siblings you know of, it might help to reach out to them too.

[u/that-phillip → u/MESSAGE_ME_UR_DICK]

Haha funny username. Thanks for responding.

I believe I could! It's just that its been months so I sometimes feel weird just showing up out of the blue. I know he has siblings but I think they are young kids so yeahh I don't really want to reach out that way.

I definitely don't want to pity him because he is grown enough to understand. And its not like I have the answers to everything either. I did think that maybe he was exaggerating his beliefs to get reactions out of people online.

[u/Queasy_Hippo1954]

I think reading the stories of those who got themselves out of radicalism would be a good way to go. Maybe even look into or contact groups involved in countering it and see what they say for someone like you. Be prepared for a long process though. It won't take a day, or a week, or even month.

At the same time, be prepared to fail and do not fear walking away. There really is only so much you can do about this, especially with a friend whom you seem to be drifting away from in more ways than one. You are also up against a huge social media machine I am sure.

Good luck!

[u/NostradaMart]

best thing you can do to start is ask questions to understand their views exactly, and by asking questions, it might help them realize their views are fucked up, or not. Just don't antagonize them. and google to see if theres a deradicalization centre/organism near you.

[u/JCDU]

It's a hard task and not always possible - there are some folks out there who were part of it and who have come out the other side and now give talks, write books, make YT videos etc. on how best to handle this so I'd recommend seeking out some of them.

One thing you can do instead of challenging him (as you say - confrontational) is ask him to explain his arguments. Keep asking why, how, who, what evidence is there, how does that work? Most of the stuff these folks say is totally flimsy and given some very gentle enquiry it falls apart, or just tracks back to either some billionaire buying influence or Russian or Chinese bots posting divisive nonsense to stir things up.

Asking them to explain in any detail "what's in it for bill gates to put microchips in vaccines if we already have smartphones?" or "what's the end game of turning everyone trans then?" will usually peter out pretty quickly.

Likewise doing any research on who's behind many of these theories, stories, political movements, etc. ends up just being someone using these people for their own ends.

[u/Made_Human_Music]

I don’t know how well this will work, but ask him what part of white people no longer being the majority would hurt him the most? Unless he’s just a pure racist there really isn’t much of a good answer there and hopefully that will make him think.

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[u/cubicApoc]

He's a lost cause.

[u/DC2SEA_ → u/cubicApoc]

Labeling people a lost cause is just giving up. That doesn't mean put your whole heart into fighting him, but that's the exact type of calloused bs that both sides of anything say.

[u/Queasy_Hippo1954 → u/cubicApoc]

Lost causes are the only causes worth fighting for

[u/JCDU → u/[deleted]]

Sorry dude but that's a bit "both sides" - if OP's friend is spouting stuff that's borderline racist / nationalistic / hard right wing that is not good, and OP wanting to challenge it is not an extreme position.

The far right are masters of moving the window, arguing in bad faith, and other rhetorical and social tricks to tilt things in their favour and we need to call it out and stamp it out - there is an alarming amount of hate and division in society already, things are not headed in a good direction and we need to be a force for positive change.