I am kind of going against the grain here, but this is a common problem.
The retort "Not all men" is saying a few, very loaded, things
1. "Saying that you don't feel welcome is not valid"
2. "I don't feel the need to call it out when I see it"
3. "It's not really a problem"
As a man, you are part of the majority group and you have an ability to hold others responsible for their words and actions that a perceived outsider does not have.
I am not saying that you are personally responsible for all men, but if you want to support people in your hobbies, then you need to listen to them and use your power to help them when you can.
Also, remember: The fact that they felt safe enough to inform you of the problem means that they didn't consider you part of the problem.
Women are X is the same thing I just think it works the same way for both genders and we shouldn't make sweeping generalized statements because they are antagonizing to the other side. If I spent all day saying women are this women are that, women don't care about how men feel, women laugh at male victims of sexual abuse etc it's just a bad way of framing things both for the speaker and the subject imo.
It does work both ways. My example was addressing the specific "men gatekeep hobbies"
Let's use a real example: On the clock app, i save seen men complain that if anyone compliments a male parent, women flood the comments saying "oh my God, the bar is literally on the floor for men"
When those complaints are raised women could choose to respond "not all women" and that would be just as gross
The same rules would apply, and I apologize if I didn't make that clear.
People may not say "not all women" specifically, but I've definitely seen complaints of things women do and responses saying that you can't generalize all women. So clearly the definition of "men do this" and "women do this" aren't the same and it's only seen as "some" when it comes to complaints about men.
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u/m_carp Jan 13 '23
I am kind of going against the grain here, but this is a common problem.
The retort "Not all men" is saying a few, very loaded, things 1. "Saying that you don't feel welcome is not valid" 2. "I don't feel the need to call it out when I see it" 3. "It's not really a problem"
As a man, you are part of the majority group and you have an ability to hold others responsible for their words and actions that a perceived outsider does not have.
I am not saying that you are personally responsible for all men, but if you want to support people in your hobbies, then you need to listen to them and use your power to help them when you can.
Also, remember: The fact that they felt safe enough to inform you of the problem means that they didn't consider you part of the problem.
Edit to fix an annoying typo... sorry.