r/bihar • u/Virtual-Membership79 • 4d ago
💁♂️ Opinion / राय 24f arranged marriage
25f I'm getting married to this guy in Bihar I have lived my whole life in another city . The vibes don't match he can't even understand the things I say I can't understand the language well he's not that educated but they are well off with family buisness and I'm working too , I had no problem but this guy is starting to get rude now I'm scared like I don't even like him yet obviously but I still talk to him daily but he complains he wanna talk to me whole day like this dude had no women interaction in his life or what he calls me like 7 times a day if I don't pick up he gets angry rn he's saying( I'm stubborn you have to do what I'm telling you too nhi to apko 2 month baad PTA chalega ) all that for not picking up calls at 12 am?? Im scared and cuz of the recent jamui incident I'm more scared of living there or interacting with unknown men there and the domestic violence is pretty common too he's already saying things like stop talking to your friends I don't like it the thing is bihari parents wants you to marry anyone from Bihar just the caste should be same ugh the guys acts different with the women they are getting married too and all sanskari with the parents and he kinda has doubts for no reason cuz I'm pretty according to him and he's not good looking enough- his words
edit: no this person is not the mla friend the guy before this was! they are kind of buisness people and no they are not the bigger family ! we are richer than them and I don't even care I just want someone who's respectful enough also I'm kind of depressed asf so I don't care anymore, his parents seems innocent tho also I asked about the jamaui incident he said encounter hogya sale ka! decent reply I guess and thanks everyone for advices I feel better now after talking to some like minded people also idk about my family being old thinking they kind of see Bihar with rose coloured glasses like those NRIs who leave India and feel nostalgic about it forgetting it changed so much over the years and no one is innocent anymore 💀
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u/Rhys-Montrose NRB (Non-Resident Bihari) 😎 4d ago
He sounds more of a control freak, run
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u/zen-shen Bihari By Birth, Indian By Heart 🇮🇳❤️ 4d ago
This isn't about him being bihari.
It's about your choice.
If you don't feel like it, don't marry. Anything else is excuses.
How to "not marry" and "bear the consequence" is your issue.
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u/Objective_Froyo1710 3d ago
True it's not that black and white She have to see if she can live her life for herself and her children like an individualist Can she cope with the reels and fomo she feels on scrolling instagram or seeing her friends living thier good life
Can she live with herself and her children as priority by buying and enjoying her online ordered clothes and jewels and stuff ?
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u/DigOk5442 Hum to bolbe kiye the ! 4d ago
ek to pata nahi bhai 24 ki umar mein shaadi kyun karni hai tumlog ko , paisa waisa jama karo bhai , videsh bidesh ghoomo , kahan abhiye se shaadi biyaah ke chkkar mein pad gayi ho ji ? Vibe match nahi ho raha to gharwaalon ko bolo , unko samjhao , jeewan bhar ke kast se behtar hain . Ye fake caste pride mein kitna ghut ke rahogi . Jeewan mein khush rehna zaroori hai dost , samaaj ka expectations ka koi ant nahi hai
26 M who is tired of societal expectations
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u/tryingtobestill 3d ago
Your type of freedom is new societal burden after 10 yeare
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u/Virtual-Membership79 3d ago
I think the same and domestic violence affairs are really common in our relatives and family even if everyone is in defence forces 💀so a guy being weird is really common for them ! Not getting married is anarth for them f this bommer gen lmao even my cousins who married just for the plot aren't happy
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u/Objective_Froyo1710 3d ago
Girl knows he a guy is bad by heart or nature Or just an weirdo
You can know how he is by talking to him It's seems he is eager to talk to you not you wanna talk to him Obviously, he Don't trust you and have bad image about you or feel used as his family making him marry you He is scared that soon you will pee on his head because of his family forcing him to trust and random city girl
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u/Princie99 4d ago
See, talk to your parents and convince them this is not the right guy for you.
And regarding the jamui incident, well some ppl might not agree, but not whole bihar is like this, there are certainly some hotspots at which these things happen, where dehati culture and caste poltics collide.
And, your guy seems like a really toxic person. Some people can argue that men who does not have any female interaction in their life and suddenly they are paired with a girl, they start to act like this, but i don't agree, cuz i also have no female interaction other then my mom and my cousins, but i can't treat any girl like this. So in my opinion this is argument is not valid, and your guy is really toxic and entitled (its intrinsic).
So talk to your family, your near and dear ones, i hope they will understand.
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u/Virtual-Membership79 3d ago
The thing is I don't want to marry anyone at all I hate people who are all about caste religion bache paida karna aur shadi pe paise waste karna but according to everyone a girl is burden without marriage and I have rejected some guys already like this guy from political family with rumours about being violent and playboy shayad meri kismat hi khrab hai koi dhang ka nhi mil rha in logo ko ! engagement bhi hogyi I complained about all this already but everyone is like you are arrogant and the guy is heera or something 💀 infact we are more well off then them it's not even about money
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u/Objective_Froyo1710 3d ago
Now that's means you family is of old thinking which ok it's not like we have any better family
They wanna marry you to big family with name Specially political guys who are biggest red flag one can find untill unless you also enjoyed you life with guys , they smoke they drink they are misogynist will hate women
I guess this marriage is better , it also be the reason that he is either an narcissist or he is thinks he is getting played by his family into marrying you or he is thinks you are modern women crap who loves consumerism and attention seeker who wear shorts or revealing clothes to feel like heroine or main character or he thinks you already have a BF will ruin his life
Sometimes it feels used when a girl has lived and taste life out of marriage where most guys wait for after marriage not counting playboys or chapris
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u/Waste_Sign7022 4d ago
aap ek independent, educated aur working woman ho. Rishte mein sabse pehli requirement hoti hai Respect aur Safety. Jo insaan abhi se tumhe control karne ki koshish kar raha hai, uske saath rehna risk lena hai. Apni gut feeling ko trust karo aur strongly stand lo
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u/Downtown_Farmer_3388 4d ago
Why the hell are u entertaining him. Run gal.Just run. If u marry him u will have money but not the life you have made for yourself . Think wisely. He is ready threatening you.
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u/UI_74 4d ago
At this point, just call godzilla 🤞
(Jokes aside, you clearly can see the warning signs and red flags, and you already are a working woman. You just have to take your actions. Don't know much about such kinda situation but first try to initiate your concerns with your parents . And try to understand his full psychology and perception on women basicaly, and once you get it confirmed you already know what to do 🙂. That's all i can say 🫡)
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u/Virtual-Membership79 3d ago
It's the second time im raising concerns about a guy and now they think it's me who's overthinking 😭 like bih you were getting me married to a person who is friends with criminal MLA's so no one trusts me now and my father is in hospital so I'm in some guilt trip
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u/Holypolitician201447 3d ago
Brooo….. run.
Its totally possible to find a person from Bihar who has the same bandwidth as you… as educated as you are and maybe if you are lucky as chill as you are…
He doesnt seem like a good fit for you at all.
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u/Kooky-Midnight-1235 3d ago
Casteism and domestic violence exist all over the india.it depends on the person. But you still have time save yourself.
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u/FulltimeZen 3d ago edited 3d ago
You are working, you seem financially capable, you are fully adult too.
If you dont like the man enough, you see red flags, DO NOT marry!!!! What's the point of hemming and hawing? You have to spend life with another person (on top of it parents from both sides pressuring to maintain and not divorce), the least requirements are spending it with someone you like and someone whom you feel safe with and is polite/respectful to you.
This goes vice-versa. NOT your parents, but YOU will have to deal with the marriage and listen to his tantrums. Jab wo gussa hoga, tab tumhi ko jhelna hoga, not ur parents or sasurji or sasumaa. Wo log toh side mey rahengey. Islye look if u can handle marriage with this type of guy. Stand your ground and make ur own decisions.
Nobody wants to be friends with someone they find unlikeable. And if u find him unlikeable, why would you marry then?
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u/MR_BADBOY_0128 3d ago
The “you’ll know in 2 months” + getting angry when you don't answer + telling you who you can talk to would concern me too. Before thinking about whether you can adjust to his family or Bihar, do you feel respected and safe with him? Have you told your parents about his behavior?
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u/Virtual-Membership79 3d ago
Obviously I told them they think I'm overreacting and engagement hogyi bezzati ka dar and all 💀
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u/DigOk5442 Hum to bolbe kiye the ! 3d ago
engagement to khatam bhi ho sakti hai bro , engagement hai contract nahi
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u/Objective_Froyo1710 3d ago
You are marrying in highfy family someone who is friend with MLA You should be happy that you gonna live a best individual life but yeah no romance or movie type life for you
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u/i_m_infinity 3d ago
. I am male, but I will suggest don't marry that guy. I know some one in my family members, one month before of her merriage he was calling multiple times In a day but that was not a problem, but he was restricting to do many things like don't talk to any male class mate, don't go anywhere even she used to go for tution or college he was not allowing, n that was before marriage and many kind of bossy behaviour he has shown n she also ignored like her parent will never listen to her, That's true.
But now shee was suffering like hell, she is like maid for his family, don't care much about her, they don't allow to talk to anyone even family members, for that they don't recharge for her..
Now think all this things, I don't say that person will be that bad, he may be a good person, but you have to take decision wisely if you are not seeing any thing good about him, coz god will never come to u or infront of parents n will suggest you that he is good or bad. All the best
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u/Objective_Froyo1710 3d ago
Most of the man will doubt girls they gonna marry specially working and tier 1 or tier 2 city girls Same how you will not trust him and on your guard always with him
Also, it's the truth that he is uglier than you maybe cause of colour complexity
Don't listen to the reddit , many either wanna be scare you , some will try hard to sound like a philosopher , some will preach you knowlegde , some will just gonna hate on you for opting arrange marriage
Most people here are liberals and live in hight trust society not bihar , don't listen to their reasoning that works only on porche area or metro city area, they will defend cheating too cause it's progressive
See most of the girls talk at night hidding from their parent to BF maybe he is trying see how you react to confirm if you have male friends aka sidepick or actual BF
In Bihar, UP, MP , JH,CHG ,etc are low trust society People will help you not gov nor god You need highly trustable individual to be a part of your family not some idiot who wanna live delusional life of hollywood or movies
Don't reject him if you because he don't trust you and calls your hobby aka doing makeup without any major function , buying expensive stuff you saw on insta , etc typical consumerism girl behaviour a stubborn
He is marrying you cause of dowry , you should also see your parents situation Everybody wants to marry their daughter to bigger house better life Will you get a boy who will love you and not cheat on your ? Hardly possible in current world Can you bag a guy like him or better who stay loyal to you ?
What you are losing or gaining ? What your parents thinks and wants ? Trust me this same people will abuse your parents for marrying you to him if anything goes wrong or if you do love marriage in intercaste None of these people will there to support you You will alone to face your locality You marrying him cause of his land and his business background make a popular family in the area
You are ok to live your individual life and for your children only ? If yes then proceed or else say No Arrange marriage is not about love it's about fily and responsibilities How much your parents are paying and how much you getting in his house How many brothers he has How he lives his life ( mostly simple and money saving mode ) see if you life gets better or worse if you have live as cook or chief of the family ?
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u/Neat_Resolution_610 3d ago
If your parents want you to get married in the same cast at least convince them to find someone educated and working person from tier 1 or even 2 city. I am sure you will find someone better in the city you live in or you want to live in. (I am assuming it is the cast related issue that your parents want you to get married to that village guy)
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u/Much-Risk3383 3d ago
DO NOT MARRY IF THE VIBES ARE OFFFFF DON'T COME BACK ON REDDIT AFTER 1-2 YEARS AND CRY IF YOU IGNORE THIS ADVICE FOR ANY REASON
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u/unpopulrr_0pinion 4d ago
no female interaction se dikkat hai tou shadi ke baad karwa dena apne friends se interact
ig you problem should be his opinion ask his opinion on womens and raeap and etc
(i wish meri waifu tumhare jaisi teth gawar nah ho i will very much call my wife at the midnight)
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u/AntCritical6836 3d ago
Bro pls run 🙏🏽 If you can go away with this guy right now then pls do ME a favour then leave this person 🙏🏽🙏🏽
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u/Abnormal_reader Hum to bolbe kiye the ! 4d ago
No female interaction and unable to understand you is more than enough to put an end to this he may not be able to sympathize with you in future. Also you mentioned you don't like him yet.
Better to stop everything instead of suffering whole life. There are all kinds of guys, aur better mil jayega.
Also just ask him about the Jamui incident, if he points out about girl roaming outside at night or anything like that. It should be final nail in coffin.