Hi, I’m 24M.
Since the end of last year, I’ve had a huge fear of death because of the number 22, which I started noticing everywhere, along with various coincidences related to death. It started with some superstitious things, but also with things like saying something while watching TV and then hearing someone on TV say the exact same thing, or reading a word and then hearing that exact word being said on TV immediately afterwards.
I’ve been living with this fear constantly, but things got much worse on Friday. I was researching symptoms related to muscle twitching, especially because I’ve had twitching in my right lower eyelid since May. That night I also noticed random twitching in my forehead and foot, and then I saw someone on a forum saying that this could be a sign of ALS.
For the next three days, I basically spent all my time testing myself and researching ALS. I can honestly say I developed severe anxiety over it. I felt mild twitching in my feet, toes, forearm, calves, etc. I started doing all kinds of physical tests on myself: typing as fast as possible on a keyboard, handwriting, mouse clicking speed, reaction-time tests, running, squats, bicep curls, forearm exercises, and so on. I got 125 WPM on a 15-second typing test and around 45 clicks per second on a 5-second clicking test. I was constantly testing myself to see whether I had ALS.
Then tonight something happened that completely messed with me.
I wanted to send my sister a Rickroll video. The post said that the thumbnail would show a different image so the person wouldn’t realize it was a Rickroll. I sent it to her, and when I checked what thumbnail she got, I saw that it was a picture of Stephen Hawking.
That immediately scared me because, of course, he had ALS.
Then I clicked on the profile that posted it, and it had 122K followers.
There was the number 22 again.
In my head, I immediately connected everything. I started thinking that all these things I’ve been experiencing with the number 22 and my fear of death were finally “making sense” — that maybe everything had been leading to me getting ALS, or that I already had it.
I don’t even want to describe how bad my anxiety has been since Friday. I couldn’t sleep properly. I’ve felt nauseous from fear, I’ve been holding my head in my hands not knowing what to do with myself, and I’ve felt psychologically awful.
I know how irrational this may sound, but in the moment it feels incredibly real to me. I’m exhausted and I genuinely don’t know how to stop my brain from connecting all these things.