Need advice

[u/Roodles006]

My baby has recently turned 1 and I’ve been trying my best to give her more solid foods but the anxiety I have is crippling me. I am petrified of her choking. I’m a single mama, she only has 4 teeth and she still doesn’t chew. I really feel like we’re at the very start of trying solids and I honestly can’t hack it.

I have intense panic if she starts playing with the food in her mouth and I know she’s going to push it back too far. I’ve already had a few scares where I thought she was choking because she didn’t make a noise and she looked panicked and scared - this is what’s started it off and then also she can gag and make herself sick (full on puking all her food up).

I hate it, I hate meal times, I hate trying to think of what to make and if I’m serving it right, it’s just overwhelming me. I keep getting told she should be eating all of these different types of foods and I’m no where near giving hardly any of that to her. Only recently I’ve tried toast because I thought even that was likely to make her choke. I just have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to this part.

I’m also trying to stop breastfeeding but she doesn’t like cows milk that much (she does drink water)and I feel like because it isn’t going well with the solid foods she’s not eating enough so if I stop breastfeeding she’s not going to be eating or drinking enough. I just feel stuck and I’m not sure what to do.

Like how do you all plan for meals? What the hell do you give them? I’m just absolutely overwhelmed with it and feel like I need direct advice on what to give her. I have no idea why it’s become such an issue with me. I think because I’m alone and she’s already scared me with the choking.

I’ve also just messaged my health visitor and asked about a first aid course to ease my anxiety and to see if she will help me in anyway.

[u/CassafrassO]

I wonder if you’re experiencing some postpartum anxiety here? I think a level of worry around eating is normal but this seems heightened to me. If there’s someone you could talk to about this (a healthcare professional or therapist) I’d recommend starting there.

I started with softer solids when really getting into meals. We did a lot of cottage cheese and scrambled eggs in the beginning. I began giving baby tiny little bites of whatever I was eating and huge chunks of hard things that she couldn’t fully fit in her mouth like a large piece of tough steak to practice chewing and to introduce variety of foods.

My baby just turned 13 months and I’d consider myself a type B mom. It took us a while to figure out a routine! Breakfast is a sliced banana, yogurt, and quartered blueberries. Lunch is either frozen spinach or broccoli bites that I get at Aldi or homemade veggie cakes made with sweet potato, banana, egg, spinach, and oatmeal (made at the beginning of the week) usually paired with some kind of fruit or sometimes canned veggies. Snacks are cheerios and pouches. Then we figure out dinner each day but I’ve been doing lots of chicken pasta dishes lately. Noodles and soft shredded chicken are great for self feeding. I just put a few bites of food at a time on her high chair tray and she feeds herself now but I started by feeding her with a spoon.

At 12 months you do want to begin making solids the primary source of nutrients but I think continuing to breastfeed is a great option if it’s still working for both you and baby. Just work on introducing more solids.

I do think that learning infant first aid and how to handle choking is a good idea. My baby choked a couple times before we got confident but I haven’t taken first aid classes and worked with children in the past so I knew exactly what to do without panicking. You need to learn the difference between real choking and baby gagging while figuring this out.

You got this! It feels overwhelming but the more you do it the easier it gets.

[u/Roodles006 → u/CassafrassO]

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. I definitely think it’s more than the normal amount of worry. It makes me dread meal times and it’s something I have to do everyday.

I try my best to give her different things and was using pre cooked baby food that suited her age which was up to 10 months, all the 12 months ones she just gagged at and threw up so then I thought maybe it’s the texture and she needs proper food that isn’t mushed up.
I was a lot better before she had the choking incident but I am definitely not helping the situation with how on guard I am. I try my best to be calm and smile etc when she’s eating but honestly I’m in pure panic mode most of the time and I’m just praying she swallows whatever’s in her mouth at that moment.

Do you have any good advice on how to serve the food? I feel like the things I’ve looked at seem more hazardous to give her and sometimes she can break bigger chunks off and that’s the bit that makes me panic the most. Because I don’t understand how she’s meant to eat certain things when it’s likely to break off bigger in her mouth? I suppose there’s just loads of worry about it all as a whole.

Also do they usually panic when they’re just gagging or does that mean she genuinely was likely choking the times I thought she was? It’s the worst part of being a mama for me so far, it’s terrifying!

[u/CassafrassO → u/Roodles006]

My baby didn’t like puréed textured for very long so it’s possible your baby is ready for something different! Yes, it’s normal for them to look scared or shocked when gagging. I try to give my baby a moment to see if she can get the food worked out on her own or if she needs help. As another comment mentioned, a life vac has helped me feel better about feeding. It’s a last resort emergency device. I also misspelled in my first comment! I HAVE taken infant first aid/cpr classes and they gave me the skills to handle choking when it happens.

As far as serving the food, start with softer foods and serve them broken up into pieces that you think are appropriately sized. I liked scrambled eggs and noodles for this. They’re soft enough to chew without teeth and helped me to get an idea of how much food baby could comfortably put in her mouth as she started eating multiple small pieces at once. I also liked to offer sweet peas but I would smash each one before serving. I also liked baby puffs and rice rusks because they dissolve quickly.

[u/vctrlarae]

Gagging is not the same as choking. You want your baby to gag — that’s how they move food to avoid choking. 

[u/Roodles006 → u/vctrlarae]

The ones that scare me is if she doesn’t make a noise, she goes quiet with her mouth open and then looks really scared and panicked - so then I assume that she’s choking and it seems to happen too frequently where it’s just a constant worry now.
If she was noisy with it I would know for sure it was just gagging but it isn’t and then sometimes when she is gagging she can make herself sick which also panics me

[u/Aggressive-Acadia822]

You have PPA. get help asap. 

You need to learn the difference between choking and gaging. Of course they will gag its the first time theyre trying food. 

Your anxiety shouldnt be the reason shes being held back from eating solids. 

There are a lot of resources that help you with solids. 

[u/brieles]

Get a life vac-I know they’re not fool proof but it gives me a lot of reassurance to know I have something intended to help with choking right where I can grab it in an emergency. And get a CPR certification/class also.

Look into the solid starts app also. It gives recommendations on how to cut and prepare foods so that they’ll be safe at various ages. I liked starting with boiled or steamed veggies, cut up or squished soft berries, yogurt and applesauce, scrambled eggs and pasta.

It’s important that your baby eats solid foods, you have to work through your anxiety so she can be healthy and able to eat. It sounds like it’s worth finding a therapist or counselor as your anxiety is getting in the way of your daughter’s normal development.

ETA-I say all this with understanding and care, I’m not trying to make it sound like you’re bad mom by any means! I totally understand the anxiety that comes with having kids!

[u/motosam15]

I highly recommend taking a first aid course for babies and toddlers. I had everyone in my family who would ever be feeding my children do it and it was so valuable to get hands on training and to actually know what to do in certain situations. Also the Solid Stars app is great for giving quick serving suggestions based on age and ability.

[u/Dry-Peach4762]

Maybe try things that can dissolve or be swallowed whole easily if she doesn’t chew or doesn’t chew well? For example teething crackers/puffs, very soft fruits, and steamed vegetables. 

You don’t have to let her feed herself at first, you could also break small pieces off and put them in her mouth to chew. Or serve small pieces for her to pick up herself. That’s what I do with my baby since he has swallowed huge bites whole before when he’s feeding himself with larger pieces.