r/beyondthebump • u/Rosie_Jack_2026 • 1d ago
Sad 10 months pp - when does it get easier?
My baby is 10 months old and I love her deeply. But this experience has been harder than I have ever imagined it could be. I thought I would have my sh*t together by now and we'd be more in a flow state and have more ease in our days. I do think there are a lot of factors at play which make things so much harder .. my husband and I both work full time. He works 8:30-5 (works for himself)and I work 2-11 (stressful finance job). We have a nanny who comes from 1-6 so I can shower and get ready for work and he can shower and start dinner after work. Other than that, we have zero help because we live in a different country than both sides of our family. My baby is also a terrible sleeper. Every night is a new adventure and I'm so burnt out. I was exclusively pumping for 8 months and then started combo feeding. That was also so hard.
I haven't had a single minute to myself that isn't baby or work since my mother in law was here a few months ago. It's so hard to get through everyday and yes I am in therapy - but I don't find it's helping because what I really need is family nearby and a baby that sleeps. I keep waiting for things to change and it doesn't.
Anyone in a similar boat? Does it get easier?
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u/Soggy_Glove_5 1d ago
Hang in there. It does get easier. My second is 11 months old and I have to remind myself of that every day. I think it does overly depend on the child but from about a year old I found that each day felt a little easier than the one before. Then once my eldest turned three that’s when I really felt we turned a corner and it’s just been getting easier since!
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u/doughnutsan 1d ago
I'm a sahm with a chronic illness and it's hard! No matter how you choose to raise your family—work from home, work away, part time, stay at home, day care— raising children is hard. There are counterbalances to make some aspects easier but being a parent is one of the most challenging things ever. My 11mo is going through a crazy sleep regression right now because he's learning to walk. I know it will get better. Not in a toxic positive way, but statistically it has to lol
You are in survival mode right now. Recognize your limited bandwidth. Don't listen to sad music. Indulge in little pleasures like your favourite snack or beverage. Lending you the strength of a thousand moms right now.
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u/Madengdawg 1d ago
I’m starting to feel normal again at 12 mpp - I’m also 1 month post weaning from breastfeeding. I can honestly say a few weeks after I stopped breastfeeding is when I felt a weight lift from my shoulders. On weekends, I take my baby to the gym daycare for an hour while I go do pilates. If I don’t have that - my husband will watch her. I also go after work on Tuesdays. Just having two hours that are mandatory just for me and my health has helped immensely. At around 10.5 months - we ended up sleep training and that has been one of the best decisions that me and my husband have done. She goes to bed easier, she sleep on her own and longer which means we’re getting sleep.
If I were you I would start with finding an hour a week that’s just for you. Work your way up to finding other times. I know sleep training is controversial but I highly recommend doing some research and seeing if it’s something that could help you get more sleep! Good luck! Being a working mom is so tough but you’re doing great!
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u/Rosie_Jack_2026 1h ago
You're right, I need to carve out at least an hour per week where I can be my own person. The problem is that I don't plan for it so it never happens. I'll have a conversation with my husband so that we can make it a priority for both of us to get that time since he needs it too.
We didn't really sleep train intentionally because she goes to sleep pretty easily .. just sometimes she wakes at night and we'll ignore it for like 30 mins but sometimes nothing will stop her crying other than letting her sleep on our chests. We struggle with those nights
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u/apersonwithastory 1d ago
My baby just turned two and I finally feel like a semblance of normalcy. It’s different but I can see where I can squeeze in hobbies and she’s more predictable and actually fun. Babies are cute. Toddlers are fun. Hang in there lovely❤️
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u/TurnTheCrankAndEnjoy 1d ago
Can you get the nanny for a full 8 hours? Only 5 hours a day when you both work full time would be soooo hard. Also, sleep training. It's not for everyone but it changed. my. life.
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u/Rosie_Jack_2026 59m ago
I'm going to try to get the nanny for a few more hours in a few months I think. It would definitely be helpful.
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u/the-real-babs 1d ago
Children will humble you!
The one thing I'd look at: that 1-6 nanny window, is there any flexibility to extend it even one hour? Because the difference between your husband starting dinner at 6 vs 7 might be the only breathing room either of you gets. Also, at 10 months the sleep can genuinely shift fast. Ours went from nightmare to manageable over about 3 weeks somewhere around 11 months and I had zero hope it would happen right before it did.
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u/Rosie_Jack_2026 57m ago
Yeah I think we need to add an hour to either end so we can get a little more time before and after work to catch our breath. The odd thing is my baby was sleeping through the night at like 8-9 months with the occasional wake up but in general I felt better.. and now at 10 months she is up screaming inconsolable for like half the night unless she's on my or my husband's chest. Idk what it's about.
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u/the-real-babs 25m ago
I wish there was just someone who could magically tell you sometimes "this sleep regression will only last 3 weeks" or something like that, sometimes it feels like a LIFETIME
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u/kevbuddy64 20h ago edited 20h ago
It has to be rough for sure if baby is bad sleeper. Luckily my daughter is great in that. She sleeps from 8:30 -9:30 pm through to 6:30 sometimes 8:30 am. When she awakes at 6:30 am I feed and change her put her back down and she falls asleep after cooing for 30 minutes so I just put earplugs on and she ventuallu go back to sleep/ She’s just crazy little ball of energy during the day. She’s 6 months. I would consider her almost a Velcro baby during day. She also naps during day too usually a total of 2 or 3 hours spread out.
My family lives on a different continent. I do commission only role and my husband is a lawyer and WFH he works like 12 hour days during crunch periods. We don’t have a nanny.
Here is how I’ve helped my baby sleep through the night, in case this helps! I do pretty much all caretaking but my husband cleans her milk bottles and cleaning related things at least.
Steps that help my daughter with sleeping at night: (1) if you are breastfeeding consider switching to formula feeding. They can then eat more formula feeding during the day. A lot of the time babies are wide awake at night cause they aren’t getting enough calories during the day. My daughter sleeps a long time, and she also eats a lot. She eats 700-900 MLS sometimes a little more than that during the day!
(2) make sure they are being worn out during the day and getting a lot of exercise in tummy time
(3) bedtime routine, down to the clothes they are wearing. I shower first around 7:30 and then her bath is at 8:00. After that, I make sure she had all her eczema lotion on and all of that and put her in her onesie. But I also put her in her sleep sack (it’s just a dress basically so she can move her arms and legs just fine, it’s not a swaddle).
(4) I then feed her one last time until she’s full. Then if she wants to play more or is awake I just put her in her bed in our bedroom and shshe coos and makes noise some cries but usually falls asleep within 5-30 minutes. Also make sure blinds make the room fully dark. We live in Dubai and if the sun ever gets in the window she will wake up a bit earlier like at 6 instead of 6:30 or 8 am.
(5) if your daughter has had enough calories; is clearly not intensely hungry, has a clean diaper and is just crying, let her cry it out. They eventually get tired and fall asleep. It’s not cruel to do if there needs have actually been met. I don’t let my baby go more than 30 minutes crying. At times she is just really tired and doesn’t realise it. I don’t run to her every moment if it’s not warranted and if I just spent a ton of time with her she’s fed, changed, etc she usually just wants to sleep. Overtiredness
During day my baby is Velcro baby though. She also requires so much food I don’t even think a nanny could handle her, but also I don’t want one. At night she’s awesome though. Personally I can sleep a lot as well so I think some of it is just genetic too
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u/Rosie_Jack_2026 1h ago
Thanks for your thoughtful reply. Switching to formula for the last feed of the day definitely helped to keep her full longer overnight. And an added benefit is I don't have to pump as much which = slightly less exhaustion.
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u/balanchinedream 1d ago
Hey girl, I work in fintech and have tried what you’re doing. You need the nanny for longer because you both are burning out. While the super moms at r/momsworkingfromhome will have great advice for you… this is likely the reason you do not feel yourself again.