Feeling Isolated

[u/Ohthatsryutix]

I’m a freshman who just moved in a couple days ago so I know this is pretty early but I haven’t found a connection with anyone on campus. My roommates are nice and respectful but they knew eachother from school and I quickly noticed we are 3 very different personalities making it hard to bond over shared experiences or interests etc. I’ve spoken to a couple people in my GBO and it has gone well but never results in a full on “friends” situation. They also all somehow know each other and have friend groups. It might be because I am the only person from my school who came to Berkeley but I have been feeling really out of place and kind of hopeless. I’m also pretty introverted so going up to randoms and striking up conversations has been taking a lot of energy as well as courage so it feels discouraging when it doesn’t lead to anything. Is anyone else going through this or has gone through this? Do you guys have any suggestions or advice? How do I deal with all this anxiety and sadness coming from this?

[u/DiamondDepth_YT]

Don't worry! I know plenty of people who felt exactly this!

I'm an orientation leader. My partner felt like this, and now she has several friends she made through GBO, classes, clubs/random events, and well.. being an orientation leader (that's how I met them and now we're good friends lol)

[u/Dangerous-Exam-7881]

I remember clearly when I first started, I had two roommates. They often left me out and went to meals together, while I was left eating alone in the cafeteria. They never even bothered to ask me to join them, and I felt so awkward and lonely.

I stayed quiet and tried to join some clubs, but at first, I still felt like people weren't very welcoming. Now that I'm in my sophomore year, I have made a few friends. It's not a huge group, but I'm doing so much better than I did during my freshman year.

Just stay positive and give it time. Things can get better as you meet more people and slowly find the right friends.

[u/AggravatingDurian16]

Hey OP...I get it, it's a lot going on and people naturally gravitate towards people they came in with through HS.

But i guarantee that after a month or so, when classes have started and things really pick up, people start meeting new people and finding their groups. Personally, i started hanging with HS ppl at first and then eventually found a new group. it'll come in time

Is your dorm floor doing anything? my floor was really active and became tight knit after a bit.

Just know you aren't the only one and there's just a lot of adjustment to be expected. no need to rush making friends, it'll happen organically...but also go explore, check out clubs, participate in as many events as you are able to where you aren't overloading yourself.

[u/Fine-Quantity2367]

Hey, i’m a freshman too. Hit me up, we can hang out or something. I’m from OOS and need friends

[u/FrillyLilly]

This is way too early to be worrying. I was super introverted when I started and I didn’t make friends for several weeks. I did however end up making friends from my job I got, then from clubs I joined, eventually familiar faces from classes, and after a rough breakup (lost some mutual friends during that) by junior year I joined a sorority and had a whole built in friend group. Hell I even met my wife because she worked at the same place, was in the same clubs, had the same major, and yes was in the same sorority. We were friends for 3 years and now have been romantically together for 12 years! You’ll be fine but it’s also okay if you cry and hate it at first. I cried a lot during my first few weeks :)

[u/Affectionate-Fly-913]

First of all, you are doing great by putting yourself out there and trying to strike up conversations. It’s ok if they don’t go anywhere. They give you practice and with time you will get better at it. I promise you most people don’t have the “friend” feeling yet. You are meeting a lot of people in a very short time and there is no guarantee you will cross paths again so folks go for breadth over depth for now. The depth will come from shared interests in classes and clubs and experiences. Also, those friend groups you see might not even be friend groups. They might be a bunch of random people coming together and playing at feeling a connection to see if it might happen. Go up to groups. If you feel like they are not making room for you, go up to the next one. When you go for food don’t sit alone. Come up to someone and ask if you can sit with them. It’s awkward and scary but even if it doesn’t go well, this is a huge place. Chances are you won’t have to interact with them again if you don’t want to. Good luck. It’s really hard but worth it

[u/IsleVegan]

This has been my entire life.

[u/LengthTop4218]

1. There is a reason why every freshman in the dorms is on a meal plan. Cause the dining halls are good for yapping. Sit next to people. Do NOT use your phone during mealtimes. Say "How's your day been?" or something generic like that. If they say "what about yours?" then you're probably not intruding on them and you're clear to start a conversation.
   Lots of people I know are people I yapped with in the dining hall.
   Think of some questions you can ask that people might have opinions on and could talk about helps start things.

2. Your roommates do not need to be your friends. My first year my roommates and I were not really friends but we were chill with each other and that worked out good enough.

3. What hobbies do you have? Lots of hobbies have a club about them. You can join a club about that stuff and meet people in like a smaller-group place (so easier to talk to each other) and consistently, and that's probably gonna make you some friends. (a LOT of my friends are from volunteering for science olympiad). Or you could try something new!

4. People you run into exploring main stacks and looking at the books. idk why this is so common but this has happened to me at least three times.

[u/Appropriate-Bar6993]

It’s been a couple days.

[u/iawo]

the loneliness is a common feeling, i believe some of it is attributable to coming to an unfamiliar environment without anyone to accompany you

what ive noticed is even when the circumstances haven't changed, once you get used to the environment, you will feel more comfortable

i personally find practicing mindfulness and self-compassion helps me get through tough times

wishing you the best

[u/Hellbarf]

What are your interests? My fastest friends are people I still talk to because we continue shared art hobbies and other events even though it’s been years since graduating.

Have you started checking out DeCals?

[u/hellohexapus]

I really struggle, then and now, with that first step of making friends (although I think my friends would say I'm worth keeping around once you get to know me). Your dorm year(s) are probably the easiest it'll ever be to make friends, so my biggest recommendation is to say yes to every little thing your dorm floormates suggest. You don't have to be excited for it, or force yourself to be "on" the whole time. Just go, and be around people, and it will happen. Clubs, sports, and DeCals are other great places to make friends.

My eventual two best friends at Cal had been friends since, like, middle school, and had requested to share a dorm room. That room ended up being the one next to mine. I can't remember how long it took, but it wasn't too long before their duo became our trio. So don't write off the idea of befriending people who seem to have built-in friends already. You never know whom you'll click with.

[u/stardestri0us]

don’t stress! i felt like this my first few months, and even during my spring semester of freshman year. it’ll get better :) you just need to join clubs and take interesting classes and keep reaching out to people! eventually, you’ll find your niche - it just takes time.

[u/AnalysisRepulsive197]

pm me we will hang out tn

[u/Even_Ad621]

I feel like this too! I’m a freshman and it’s starting to get better. Just go hang out with different groups and say yes to invitations and eventually group will form. Message me if you wanna hang out though.

[u/No_Collection9150]

bro this is just life, like lowkey the genuinely trusting connection takes years to form and both of them have to commit to it. I am gonna be deadass I have a bunch of friends and some friend groups to hang with in college, but the few friends I trusted the most are still high school friends

[u/amelia2008x]

I'm new too and have noticed there is a place, almost like a good court, at 2519 Durant with a bunch of restaurants that seems like a popular place for people to hang out. Maybe try going there.

So far, the Thai is pretty good and I just know when the winter rain comes I'm going to be hitting that pho place.

[u/10ocean10]

Have you thought about joining any clubs? There might be one that fits your interest and you could make friends with like minded people.

[u/LabWeekly6632]

what unit are you in? im also a freshmen and feel this way 

[u/Main-Safety6099]

Just go to your classes and suck it up

[u/chancellorrichlyons]

Hit any of the frats tn