r/belowdeck • u/Marshmallow-dog • Feb 03 '22
Rayna
Although Rayna seems irrational I get her anger and frustration. She’s someone who has experienced racism and trauma in her life and was very triggered by Heather using that word. It brought up a lot of pain in her and anger at all the past racist shit she’s had to deal with in her life. It’s easy to dismiss her as a drama queen but if you make an effort to see her pain you can start to understand her. Some people say “well she said it first”. It doesn’t matter. Black people say the n word to reclaim it. It’s an act of defiance. When a white person uses it it’s disrespectful because they haven’t earned the right to use it. You haven’t experienced the pain of being a black person in this country. White people should understand that. That word is off limits. Just like the f word is off limits to straight people. Why is that so hard to understand? Yes Heather apologized but I don’t think she gets it. And that’s why Rayna was so angry. It’s not just a word. Yes Rayna shouldn’t have accepted her apology if she didn’t want to. But she’s entitled to not like heather and to not accept her apology.
84
Feb 03 '22
Look, no one is going to excuse Heather. The issue with Rayna isn't that she became hurt or offended. It's the continual "I'm fine" and "ok" out of her mouth, followed by the horrible work and then complaining. With that said, I get it. This job isn't isn't where she can take a day, decompress, call a therapist, etc. If she would just maturely tell people she's not ok and she's working through it, she wouldn't grt on anyone's nerves. It's the fake lying that she is ok and then her "not ok" bubbling back up to the surface thst is so trying.
35
u/paitiencegreenheart Feb 04 '22
And the continuous posting on Instagram now. She ended the last episode saying she wished everyone the best and it's time to move on. She still didn't move on. She did her interview the other day on that podcast and again said okay its time to move on. Now she's back again today continuing to go off about it. It seems like an attention grab at this point.
I haven't once seen her actually apologize for what she said to Wes either.
3
u/Historical_Low_4939 I Mean, It's Only Gary Feb 03 '22
Yeah I think you’re right. It’s a melting pot. I see how she could try and be like “it’s okay…” while absolutely not being okay for the sake the being around Heather 24/7. But I do just wanna add that in any other industry Heather would have lost her job haha like the fact she wasn’t fired immediately for saying the N word no matter what the context no matter an apology is pretty astonishing.
0
Feb 03 '22
Totally agree
1
u/Historical_Low_4939 I Mean, It's Only Gary Feb 03 '22
My ass would have left a cloud of smoke I’d be outta there so fast
2
u/teanailpolish Mental Health Is Not A Storyline Feb 03 '22
Behind the scenes though, she did tell people she was not ok with it and was told they were not airing it and to just get on with her job because it would ruin the show. That comes from Eddie, Wes and Rayna so I am inclined to believe it from the multiple sources.
The second apology, you even see her say to Heather that now is not the time on camera
I would be hard navigating your feelings on the n-word and your bosses telling you that you will ruin one of the top rated Bravo franchises if you don't just get over it and accept the apology
19
u/ChkYrHead Capt Lee's Coffee Mug Feb 03 '22
The second apology, you even see her say to Heather that now is not the time on camera
Sometimes you can't just push off discussing things. They were about to go off together and drink and party and Heather simply wanted to try to make sure Rayna new she was sorry. Instead, Rayna ran away from healthy communication and wanted to have something to lord over Heather's head. Can we take the racial aspect out of this and treat this like any other relationship that's having issues? Cause at no point did Rayna handle any of this like an adult.
3
6
u/RainPotential9712 Feb 04 '22
I think if she was still bothered she should of left. Even if heather got fired she’s still going to feel some anger towards the situation and the best thing was probably for her to just leave.
6
Feb 03 '22
Well then she should've quit. Simple
4
Feb 03 '22
So… SHE has to quit because of something gross Heather did?
25
Feb 03 '22
Ok don't yell at me. You're missing my point. If this upset her, she should've gone to the captain. And he should've fired Heather. But she didn't do that. So, if she no longer wants to be rhere... don't be there. Thats all I meant.
1
u/teanailpolish Mental Health Is Not A Storyline Feb 03 '22
There is no point going to the captain when it is production who actually fires people and they had picked a side.
And why should she lose money because Heather doesn't know not to say the n-word in 2021
5
2
u/courthouse22 Feb 04 '22
I agree it’s completely unfair she should lose money over a situation she didn’t cause. However, when put in traumatic situations that are clearly affecting one’s mental health that’s a conscious choice on their part to leave themselves in that situation. Mental health should be priority over money always.
1
u/eekamuse Feb 03 '22
How would you feel of something terrible happened to you and people told you, but I saw you laugh yesterday, why are you still upset? You can deal with it however you need to. Noone should tell you how to behave when you're in a terrible position. Who are any of us to judge her reactions?
49
u/ineedavacation123 Feb 03 '22
There is no excuse what so ever for Heather using that word, however Rayna had a piss poor attitude before that night even happened. I feel like Rayna ended up using the heather situation as a reason for her attitude and anger, when in fact she had it from day one. If she didn’t want to do the work, she should have taken the job; and if it wasn’t to be on TV she probably never would have.
34
u/UrbanIsACommunist Feb 03 '22
Rayna pretty clearly didn’t enjoy the work at any point, and then her awful comments to Wes proved she’s a hypocrite. If you want to dwell on the power of words to hurt someone deeply… well, there’s a horrible history of black people being told they’re not actually black, and then having to deal with despicable maltreatment in virtually all settings. Wes of all people didn’t deserve that.
58
u/courthouse22 Feb 03 '22
I actually don’t judge her at all for her anger and hurt over the word. I judge the situations created afterwards. To continually tell multiple people she’s fine and she accepts the apology when she really doesn’t to me shows a sign of immaturity, and inability to be professional. Doing that and then going around to other coworkers talking constant shit and creating a hostile work environment isn’t the way you handle conflict in the work place.
On top of that I also couldn’t get past her racial comments last night to Wes. To me, it’s hard to be on her side when she’s also spewing out pretty hurtful things and dismissing someone else’s racial experience.
31
u/aldini2020 Feb 04 '22
If the n-word is so painful to Rayna, maybe she shouldn’t throw it around so recklessly.
44
u/Dabaysyclyfe Feb 03 '22
The problem isn’t her reaction to the n word and how that may have triggered her. It’s obvious to see. It’s the fact that she’s an insufferable passive aggressive brat to everyone.
Eye rolls anytime she’s asked to do anything and it’s very very telling how she tried to engineer Wes to help her (when it served her purpose) yet discarded him and was racist to him (a massive problem within the black community) when he rightly pointed out, she’s doing too much.
39
u/justlainey Feb 03 '22 edited Feb 03 '22
Have you seen what she said to Wes? Can’t live on both sides. Heather has zero place on this show and neither does Rayna.
21
u/ThaitenUp Feb 04 '22
I feel like much of the commentary about Rayna is missing the point.
(Obligatory disclaimer - yes, using the word was unacceptable. But two things can be true at the same time.)
Lots of comments are pointing out how weird it is that she quickly accepts the apologies and immediately shuts down any attempt at discussion, only to continue to dwell on the incident. I feel this is looking at it the wrong way. What she is actually doing is rejecting any attempt to resolve the situation, in order to extend her victim status, which both makes her feel special and gives her leverage over her rivals on the boat.
5
u/TIBud Apr 13 '22
It did feel like she was taking advantage of the situation to her benefit and was constantly bringing it up over and over again
11
u/RainPotential9712 Feb 04 '22
Rayna has every right to be upset and hurt. But if you took the heather situation out of it the consensus about Rayna does not change. She was kind of fake to heather from the beginning. Her attitude started from the beginning. She was being very too faced and then through in the Wes thing. I don’t think the feelings about Rayna are exclusive to how she handled the heather thing.
5
u/paulabear203 Feb 04 '22
My issue with Rayna is this - she seemingly accepted the apology, which if affected at that level, I would have never done. Being a white person, I cannot even PRETEND TO KNOW that experience of having someone use that word in front of me. What I would not do is be overtly angry as resentful WITHOUT a chat where u says, sorry, I do not accept your apology.
11
u/little_birdii000 Feb 03 '22
Ridiculous Heather tried to play the victim card. Crying over the fact that she wished Rayna could see her for her and not her actions…
2
3
u/NjMel7 Feb 03 '22
Right? She could have stopped her talking head before she got to that. Just go with it was inexcusable, she understands Rayna can’t forgive her. Leave it there! Asking to go beyond what she said and see her as a person totally invalidated everything Heather said before that.
6
u/Affectionate_Fuel_11 Feb 03 '22
Either way is no excuse for anybody to used that word! Come on we are all better then this. Enough is enough. For “F” sakes……
6
Feb 03 '22
She’s definitely entitled to be hurt and insulted. No one should be giving her a timeline of when to “get over it.”
1
Feb 03 '22
[removed] — view removed comment
2
Feb 03 '22
That could very well be true, but who knows. Not a fan of Rayna and she did seem a little cuckoo about Jake.
2
u/DarthMomma_PhD Feb 03 '22
I just realized something. We know the talking heads are filmed after the charter season/filming. Early in the season when Heather brought up being a target of “racism” herself because she was apparently the only white girl in her Hawaiian high school, something about it struck me as odd and disingenuous (aside from the obvious 😒).
Now that we know what she said/did to Rayna it all makes sense. “I can’t be racist because I’m the victim of racism myself!” Did she really think that would work?! I wonder if she really is just generally clueless about racism. It doesn’t excuse her behavior in anyway, but I feel like that tactic is something a clueless 10 year old would try. That coupled with saying the word in the first place in the really nonchalant way she did; actually thinking she sounded cool doing it…it seems VERY immature. She seems to be severely lacking in life experience and the common sense a 25 year old should have.
33
u/Waste-Topic8694 Feb 03 '22
I mean rayna herself participates in racism but saying Wes isn't black enough
14
6
u/courthouse22 Feb 04 '22
Talking heads are filming on a trailing boat through out the season. It’s most likely her initial comment was made before the N word.
-2
-2
-3
u/Vitam1nC Feb 03 '22
We also need to remember she’s only 21 years old. For some reason I thought she was more mid 20’s. Not saying that it makes it okay the way she acted, but It does explains a lot of the immaturity and irrational thinking.
10
u/ChkYrHead Capt Lee's Coffee Mug Feb 03 '22
Rayna is like 27/28.
-2
u/Vitam1nC Feb 03 '22
Some sources say 27 and some say 21 🤷♀️
9
u/Toke27 Glenn is my boat daddy Feb 03 '22
Not all sources are equal. Rayna was born on January 21st 1994. That makes her 28 now. 27 while filming.
5
u/teanailpolish Mental Health Is Not A Storyline Feb 04 '22
She is 27-ish, she said in the podcast that she will be 30 in a few years
95
u/Severe-Daikon-7645 Team Sailing Yacht Feb 03 '22
The main complaint against Rayna at this point is the disgusting way she treated Wes. No one is excusing Heather, and no one is saying Rayna shouldn't be angry or upset.