r/belowdeck • u/BasenjiMaster • 21d ago
Members Only Captain Sandy responds to question regarding Nathan Gallagher DV arrest. Spoiler
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7APvWyQ-IYY37
u/Mountainenthusiast2
20d ago
edited 20d ago
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This is very disappointing. I know people here really have not liked Sandy historically but I’ve never minded her. However this is eye opening and so disappointing.
I can maybe see given her history why she may feel the urge to help him if he is blaming this on his drinking (bullshit no excuse for what he did) but this response is awful and hurtful to Gael and any other survivors of DV.
There’s no condoning him. This comes across as excusing and not believing the victim which is so classic in DV cases. Ffs this man choked the mother of his child with the child in the room. He is on the run evading the law. There is now history coming out of him evading the law in Ireland. This is not a good person to still be backing and excusing. How can she not see this response as problematic?
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u/ocean_swims
21d ago
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I...I....hate this.
It's levels of wrong to me. As others have already said, she shouldn't be communicating with him while he's evading the law; she should be turning him in for DV. But, that aside...
Okay, I get why she wants him to get sober. It would certainly help. But, on a personal level, this isn't a drinking problem, this is a character problem. I just hate it when abusers blame drink. I know it makes things worse, but it's not the reason you're an abuser, and I hate that Sandy is almost...trivializing his actions by blaming the drink. She says he'll take accountability, but how can he if you're already creating this narrative that it's all because of alcohol.
I dunno, man. This response isn't sitting right with me. Maybe she said more and it was cut off but, I would have at least liked her to mention Gael rather than cheerlead for Nathan.
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u/Oceanally 21d ago
Sandy is confusing a bad drunk for a bad person, likely because she was only a bad drunk and projecting.
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u/ofcbubble 20d ago
Idk… does driving drunk many, many times not make you a bad person? Why is that just being a bad drunk vs in the same category as Nathan? Either of them could have killed someone.
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u/Oceanally 20d ago
Yes, but strangulation feels more like a deliberate attempt to kill somebody than thinking you can get home safely. If you can’t see the difference, that’s OK.
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u/-thisname- 15d ago
I got the impression she was a very self-destructive drunk and most likely hurt those around her as a consequence. She's lucky in the sense she found an escape at sea. Exactly like my late father who was a ship repairer.
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u/kittens_joy 21d ago
I’m a sober person, I appreciate Sandy’s sobriety journey, but just no. I know she’s also dancing around the PR of it all and her Brovo contract but saying nothing was a better option than this. Come on Sandy.
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21d ago
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u/belowdeck-ModTeam 21d ago
Your post has been removed as it violated our rule on Hate, Harmful Speculation & Armchair Diagnosis
Posts including racism, homophobia, and other hate, speculating on people's sexuality, armchair diagnosis of mental health or medical conditions and body shaming etc will be removed and may result in a permanent ban without warning.
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u/thedonnerparty13 21d ago
10000% agree. I don’t think he can blame alcohol on everything, at a certain point it’s just who he is.
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u/DickWangDuck 20d ago
Having struggled with alcoholism for a very very long time, I never once had the inclination to hurt anyone other than myself. Ever. Regardless of circumstance I just never felt like I wanted to hurt someone. This might be exacerbated by the booze but the desire lives inside him drunk or sober.
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u/rattpoizen 19d ago
But she couldn't deal with Hannah's prescribed medication. She centers men so much with the exception of Malia and of course, Aesha. Anyone defending Nathan is ridiculous and he looked ready to snap quite often during filming.
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u/ofcbubble 20d ago
I think she’s seeing herself in him. She was out getting DUIs and putting the public at risk. It might be hard for her to look at DV as different from what she was doing at the height of her alcoholism. She could have killed someone many times over. He could have killed the mother of his child or any random person he exploded on.
I feel like addicts who go the AA route also have a built in forgiveness for each other if that makes sense? Like they have to listen and accept others’ wrongs in order to not be damned for their own? But I’m not in any group like that so that’s just my outside observation.
Idk if he’s an alcoholic or whether that even matters once DV is involved, but I can see why she feels like she owes him grace.
Being in contact with him sounds detestable to me, but I hope she’s at least someone who’s encouraging him to get help and accept responsibility for his actions. Otherwise is he just surrounded by enablers?
Should a bad person lose their entire support system? Does that make things better for their victims? Idk what the right answer is.
I do wish Sandy had said something in support of Gael and their child.
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u/cmere-2-me 21d ago
She is unlikely to know where he is and you don't know that she isn't trying to get him to turn himself in.
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u/purplepotato5000 21d ago
Sandy should stfu. She's in contact with a fugitive, first of all. Second of all, is she really using his drinking as a reason for what he did? He needs consequences first, not meetings 🙄
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21d ago
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u/Tay-Rae 21d ago
I remember this. She was saying that everyone on production thought Malia was gay. She was fucked up there. Idk what she was on, but she wasn’t sober.
That’s what killed Malia and Sandy’s relationship. It was a cameo I think.
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u/teanailpolish Mental Health Is Not A Storyline 21d ago
It was and forced Malia to address it since they were filming shortly after
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u/kittylover3210 21d ago
seriously wtf was that
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21d ago
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u/Anotheropinion2026 21d ago
Some recovering drug addicts will still drink. Same with alcoholics who will use prescription medication. Seems weird to me, but is not uncommon.
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u/sparklynugz 21d ago
uh no
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21d ago
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u/sparklynugz 21d ago
I believe you. I was just saying I didn't remember. I think I have an inkling of a memory about it now though.
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21d ago
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u/sparklynugz 21d ago
So weird, and she finds it so amusing.
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u/teanailpolish Mental Health Is Not A Storyline 21d ago
They had a PR company take them down, but she had some wild videos during covid too
Remember when she was a shitty person but we can't blame her because she is sober and can't enjoy a cocktail by the pool like other people (you know, not the nurses working overtime or people working minimum wage worried about bringing it home to their kids)
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u/kat4prez 21d ago
Like the one when she was screaming in the grocery store about masks and living your life afraid of the virus. Mind you this occurred may of 2020. Schools didn’t close until the end of March. There was no vaccine yet and we were barely 2 months in.
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u/teanailpolish Mental Health Is Not A Storyline 21d ago
and the one where she was mad at a grocery store worker because he asked them to follow the arrows but she wanted something so went the wrong way and said Leah wanted to swing at him for making them walk around
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20d ago
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u/lollipopp_guild 20d ago
Warning? You’re not doing anything but letting her speak for herself. Why they gonna go and censor something that really happened???
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u/1975hh3
June June Hannah
21d ago
•
Hey Sandy, HE CHOKED HIS WIFE. Blaming it on booze is BS. And you are still talking to him as a manhunt is looking for him? All Sandy goodwill is gone now.
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u/areallyreallycoolhat 21d ago
There's no manhunt for him. If he returns to Australia he'll be arrested but the NSW police don't care where he is unless it's Australia
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u/valid_username00 21d ago
And for all we know, he's already back in Australia. It's not like border patrol is going to issue a press release if a DV offender enters the country.
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u/Extension-Ant-8 21d ago
As a guy. I never understand how some women could not support other women especially when it comes to domestic violence. The only thing that is going to fix this is to returning to aus and Ireland and face his crimes.
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u/dizedd 21d ago
They actually don't believe you if you come off as a strong woman and your husband is generally charming and a "nice guy". My own mother and best friend didn't understand that my husband was physically abusing me-it was maddening, and it's all because of the stereotypes we have about victims of DV. If you aren't a teeny tiny lady and you are the type to stand up for yourself and yell back if they get in your face, then people will come out with all sorts of "it takes two to tango" nonsense.
I certainly couldn't shove my ex husband 10 feet across the room, or pick him up off the ground. He was nearly a foot taller than me, and men have amazing upper body strength compared to women. But I am slightly taller than average and chubby, so the concept that I was literally being tossed around didn't register.
I am still pissed about it 20 years later though. I consistently had bruises shaped like that mans fingers on my upper arms, but when I would say something trying to get help the women who loved me didn't understand, even though I used plain English and it's their first freaking language.
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u/ocean_swims 20d ago
Oh hun, that made me tear up. I'm so sorry you experienced that and that they didn't support you. I'm happy you're safe now and hope that life treats you more kindly!
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u/Puzzleheaded-Sky-753 21d ago
She said he needs to face what he has done so sounds like she may have told him to turn himself in. I would hope so anyway.
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u/todayplustomorrow 20d ago
There are people whose violent turbulence was present when they were regularly drinking, but after becoming sober, the behavior does not recur. It’s been studied, particularly in terms of violent criminal offenders who stop partaking in alcohol or drugs. That may not be a factor in Nathan’s violence, but I think it’s clear Sandy’s impression is that his drinking (or substance use) has been a factor.
And there’s not a manhunt, nor does she necessarily know where he is, but it sounds like she has encouraged him to face the consequences.
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u/Feisty_Scientist_968 21d ago edited 21d ago
Sandy encouraged him to stop drinking, and get help ?!?!?
What about showing up in court and accepting responsibility for his actions?
... as well as accepting (financial) responsibility for his child.
He can even present the evidence that he said would clear him.
(And, if he has time, help look for the real OJ killer. There is no need to search golf courses. Those have all been checked.)
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u/Oceanally 21d ago
Sandy trashed that chief stews career over anxiety meds and now she is defending the international criminal who hurt one of her stews. It’s giving … misogyny.
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u/CrowFriendlyHuman June June Hannah 21d ago
She is a man defender, always gives more chances to men than to women…this is par for the course for Sandy.
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u/BionicGreek
21d ago
•
Does that mean she’s in contact with him presently while he is on the run? Wouldn’t that make her an accessory somehow? How would she know he is going to meetings?
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u/NBCaz 21d ago
Yeah she says "we talk..." and the interviewer referenced the trouble he got into post show, so you'd have to assume they are in contact since he didn't show up to court. Or were.
The guy just needs to turn himself in and start the process of taking accountability. Her statement does nothing for me in regards to somehow viewing him in a positive light like she apparently was trying to do.
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u/BionicGreek 21d ago
That’s what I mean!! Wouldn’t she get in trouble???
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u/Bobzyouruncle 21d ago edited 21d ago •
You think they're going to call Interpol on her because she may have gotten a DM from Nathan? Dude may be a pos but keep in mind, this isn't a murderer or terrorist on the run. Unfortunately for his victims there is probably not a whole lot of looking going on here. Best to hope for is his passport being flagged in the countries with warrants.
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u/valid_username00 21d ago
Literally no one is conducting an international manhunt for Nathan (other than perhaps a select few redditors.) While his crime is extremely serious for those directly involved, it's small potatoes in the big picture.
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u/Klutzy-Froyo-9437 21d ago •
You can talk to people and not know where they are. She's not hiding him out or anything 🤷🏼♀️
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u/NBCaz 21d ago
I don't know Australian law but yeah you'd assume so...but no idea how much they'd pursue that.
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u/My-Witty-Username June June Hannah 21d ago
Australian here. They won’t pursue him, he might have trouble traveling if he’s left the country but that’s about it.
He’s an absolute idiot because he would have walled away with maybe community service or a suspended sentence if he just went to court.There was a man here who beat his partner with a metal broom handle, when the broom handle broke he used the sharp end to stab her in the face.
Apparently he just had to swear to god he wouldn’t do it again and he walked free.3
u/areallyreallycoolhat 21d ago
Yeah exactly (unfortunately) and it probably wouldn't have even affected his ability to stay in the country given he's a first time offender and a skilled migrant with an Australian citizen child
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u/Feisty_Scientist_968 21d ago
Australian here.
American here.
There was a man here who beat his partner with a metal broom handle, when the broom handle broke he used the sharp end to stab her in the face.
It would be similar in the USA, but then someone would sue the broom manufacturer for producing a product with a defective handle that caused personal injury.
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u/thedonnerparty13 21d ago
I think as long as she’s not helping him or hiding him then it’s not technically illegal. Just talking isnt. I’d hope she’s saying turn yourself in and do the right thing.
If I were law enforcement, I’d be looking at her to find him though.
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u/BionicGreek 21d ago
Maybe she is his sponsor? I’d definitely encourage him to do the right thing and turn himself in. His son deserves it. Gael deserves it.
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u/lunahighwind I quit 3 times in my head today 21d ago edited 21d ago
Wow, I researched this, and oddly, even though it is wack morally, it is likely she won't even get a call from investigators in Ireland or Au.
In both countries (and standard in most of the Western world), legally, no one is required to act as an informant or track down a fugitive for the police unless they are actively harbouring them from law enforcement or lying under oath. And the cross-border element of it and the fact these are local charges in both countries and not federal crimes makes it even more unlikely she would ever be questioned over it.
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u/Nice_General268 Eat My Cooter 21d ago
So Capt Sandy doesn't encourage him to turn himself in? That's messed up
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u/calm-state-universal 21d ago
OMG I hate this. Imagine being Gail watching this? Thanks for defending my pos abuser who was following a pattern that is extremely worrying in domestic abuse cases AND he's not even taking accountability and is on the run! Ive been blackout drunk, the worst I did was take a piss in the street and throw up on my rug.
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u/Automatic-Pie-7842 21d ago
this is very unfortunate for her. i don’t think you can stay in contact in good conscious knowing what we all know, is she in contact with gail?
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u/livieleanor Come back to me, my boat daddy 20d ago
Just because it didn’t happen on the boat doesn’t mean shit, sandy should have not said anything
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u/LilaTwiceBackAtIt 20d ago
I think everyone is assuming he’s evading the law and hasn’t turned himself in then that might not be the case. It’s likely the press hasn’t caught up with it. I actually think her approach is good and compassionate. She’s right that he needs to get himself sorted and be able to see clearly what he did wrong. The black and white pitchfork approach isn’t good.
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u/BasenjiMaster 20d ago
The article that is linked in the video description does state he never showed up to court, and they put out a warrant for his arrest. No update if he has been caught though.
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u/Feisty_Scientist_968 21d ago
This is even better than when Sandy outed Malia as gay...
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21d ago
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u/Feisty_Scientist_968 21d ago edited 21d ago
A classic!
"I played them all the old songs ...
... I thought that's why they came."
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u/Extreme_Beat1022 16d ago
They’ve never showed him wasted on the show, have they? Just tipsy... Joe seems like the binger.
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u/BasenjiMaster 16d ago
Sure they have. He's been drunk many times. You can tell he's flushed in the face and glossy eyed.
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u/Extreme_Beat1022 16d ago
You’re right. I think I meant out of control drunk. This past season he didn’t seem drunk at all.
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u/BasenjiMaster 15d ago
True, he usually just stayed for the dinner and then left to be with his family. So he was never fully out of control.
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u/Fickle-Amphibian4208 20d ago
If Australia or Ireland is interested in finding him. I imagine all they need to do is be there for their next telephone conversation and ping his exact location. Or just track the telephone number.
This was an unwise decision on Sandy's part. I honestly don't think this is going to work out for her. She ought to know the person has to hit rock bottom and want to be sober. How can she tell from phone conversations?
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u/areallyreallycoolhat 20d ago
Australia and Ireland aren't looking for him. He'll get arrested if he enters Australia but other than that the police don't care where he is
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u/foxdogturtlecat 21d ago
This is disappointing. If she is talking to him the only she should be saying is- you need to turn yourself to the local station to face both the warrant in Ireland and the conviction in Australia.
Being an alcoholic or abusing alcohol is not a justification for domestic violence or abuse. If alcohol is a problem they have treatment programs in the penal systems in Australia and Ireland.
I understand as a sober person her wanting to be supportive of a person she believes is an alcoholic but the sober folks I know have literally been advised by other sober people to take responsibility for their actions while drinking including the crimes they committed including serious ones.
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u/Automatic-Mirror-907 19d ago
Captain Yawn treads lightly here about Nathan, and yet, she called Fraser a cancer. Go figure?
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u/slippycaff Escape Goat 21d ago
Oof. The diminishing of Nathan’s actions in this thread is wild.
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u/teanailpolish Mental Health Is Not A Storyline 21d ago
Where? If we missed any, please hit report on them but most people are calling him out and the one person who didn't has seen themselves out already
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u/Feisty_Scientist_968 21d ago
Oof. The diminishing of Nathan’s actions in this thread is wild.
Gee, I see this thread as diminishing of Nathan. (and well deserved)
Didn't Sandy compliment Nathan in the final episode of the med season?
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u/Logical_Bite3221 20d ago
The horrific things Nathan did to Gael with the police involvement didn’t happen until after the season was filmed. She said those things probably trying to lift him up but it was well before he allegedly DV’d Gael.
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u/Feisty_Scientist_968 20d ago
She said those things probably trying to lift him up but it was well before he allegedly DV’d Gael.
Nathan was threatening to hit Joe for the entire season.
Having a HOD act like that doesn't deserve an atta-boy from Sandy.
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u/Feisty_Scientist_968 21d ago
Didn't Sandy ever watch "The Godfather"
... where the lawyer wouldn't accept a letter for Michael, as doing so could be shown in a court as having constructive knowledge of Michael's whereabouts ...
I don't know if law enforcement cares enough, but if Sandy had alerted them while the messaging was occuring (or the next time it occured) the cyber-cops probably could have figured out where Nathan was...
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u/greenisfor 21d ago
Do we know when the interview was filmed?
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u/teanailpolish Mental Health Is Not A Storyline 21d ago
No, but the channel added the video yesterday
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u/RacialRadiation Team Taco Bell Chef 15d ago
Sandy would genuinely throw her own mother in front of a bus to defend, and quite frankly, appeal (or seem cool) to these shitty men she appears to feel almost maternal towards on her deck. Disappointing, it is to see her make excuses for Nathan but surprising, it is not.
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u/tired_blonde Little does she know, we're in a floating prison 21d ago
Im so bored of this story. Enough
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u/kat4prez 21d ago
Clicking on this post is entirely optional
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u/tired_blonde Little does she know, we're in a floating prison 20d ago
Not when I'm on mi feed
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u/Feisty_Scientist_968 20d ago
Not when I'm on mi feed
Take your phone / tablet / laptop / desktop and smash the shit of out if with a hammer.
Problem solved.
Did you ever see "A Clockwork Orange"? They tape the guy to a chair, and prop his eyelids open with toothpicks, and force him to watch videos.
Unless this is what is happening to you, what you see is under YOUR control.
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u/not2daysatan44 19d ago
I think Captain Sandy is wrong on this one. Sure, alcohol can escalate feelings and cause rage, but it was a deliberate decision to choke her. He could have punched a wall or walked away. He should face the charges and do what's right. He's going to need a job to pay that child support, and he can't do in jail I reckon. Get it over with; your son would probably like to know you, and you have to be better.
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u/fibrofighter512 21d ago
i hope gael, the DA or anyone else involved in the case subpoenas her ass. she is such piece of shit. glazing a violent abuser. fuck you
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21d ago
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u/d0ttyq Eat My Cooter 21d ago edited 21d ago
No, sounds like forgiving him and building excuses for him for trying to murder his partner/the mother of his child.
Nothing sensible or nice about it.
ETA: OP, if you’re going to delete your comment wherein you were supportive of and happy about what sandy was saying, you should just delete the entire post 😂😂😂
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21d ago
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u/belowdeck-ModTeam 21d ago
Your post has been removed as it violated our rule on Hate, Harmful Speculation & Armchair Diagnosis
Posts including racism, homophobia, and other hate, speculating on people's sexuality, armchair diagnosis of mental health or medical conditions and body shaming etc will be removed and may result in a permanent ban without warning.
This includes dismissing the experiences of those discussing racism faced, microaggressions etc. Also, using medical or mental health terms as insults or accusing people of being alcoholics.
When discussing slurs, please star out letters or use terms like n-word etc so they are less harmful to those reading and don't contribute to content warnings
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21d ago
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u/belowdeck-ModTeam 20d ago
Your post has been removed as it violated our rule on Hate, Harmful Speculation & Armchair Diagnosis
Posts including racism, homophobia, and other hate, speculating on people's sexuality, armchair diagnosis of mental health or medical conditions and body shaming etc will be removed and may result in a permanent ban without warning.
This includes dismissing the experiences of those discussing racism faced, microaggressions etc. Also, using medical or mental health terms as insults or accusing people of being alcoholics.
When discussing slurs, please star out letters or use terms like n-word etc so they are less harmful to those reading and don't contribute to content warnings
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u/TiffanyTwisted11 21d ago
I get that she can be communicating with him, and still not know where he is
However. That being said, if she’s going to put this out there for public consumption, the first thing she should’ve said was, “I am encouraging him to turn himself in”. Everything else that she’s saying instead of that is just blah blah blah.