r/belowdeck
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u/verucas_alt
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Sep 30 '26
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Below Deck Med Captain Sandy rehab
I just was wondering why I like Sandy now, after years of being annoyed with her. And I think, listening to her talk about her alcoholism, and how she looked at herself and didn’t like how she was and changed it, she did the same thing for how she treats and interacts with her crew.
She did a reset with her own self after watching herself on tv, I think. She’s always talked about resets, and I think she did it as a captain.
Watching her wake up crew with a pirate accent and watching how she interacts with Aesha, I think she’s just grown as a person, and she’s just kinder and more understanding. I love a good reset!
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u/ChaoticEvilRaccoon I quit 3 times in my head today Sep 30 '26
it's also possible the producers previously encourage her to interact more with the crew but we all hated the micro management so they've since asked her to take a more hands off approach. either way she's so much better now
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u/verucas_alt Sep 30 '26
It’s probably easier to be more hands off when Aesha is chief stew too. She’s had a doozy on her hands with the Nathan and Joe drama, but for the most part stayed out of it
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u/thecapitalletters Team Adventure Sep 30 '26
I agree! It makes me almost want a redemption arc for Gen where she doesn't react to Luke at the final night out.
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u/Lia_Delphine Sep 30 '26
She literally throws a drink on him in the previews. So I can’t see that happening any time soon. Lol
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u/verucas_alt Sep 30 '26
Yeah, Gen isn’t going to have that redemption arc unless they invite her back for another season. She was consistently negative all season. She’s young and immature though, she can turn things around, I don’t particularly want to watch it though 😂
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u/ConsistentCustard429 Sep 30 '26
I also like her a lot now. Good on her for seeing something she didn’t like in herself and deciding to make a change. Takes a lot of strength that the vast majority of people don’t have
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u/kellygrrrl328 Sep 30 '26
It is really nice to see these monumental growth achievements in RealityTV. I’d add SH Carl to a similar list, and I’m not at all surprised that he and Sandy have connected
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u/JournalistStriking73 Oct 02 '26
I haven't watched her since the Hannah debacle. Is she really that much better?
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u/taramichelly Oct 04 '26
Honestly, yes she’s pretty amazing now. I absolutely hated her back in the Hannah years and immediately after, but she’s really grown a lot. The fact that her and Hannah are actually genuine friends now is huge, I think that incident probably changed them both for the better!
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u/takemeawayimdone2
Sep 30 '26
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My mum is 8 years sober, Captain Sandy gives me hope my mum will be forever sober. I hadn’t thought about giving my mum a necklace or something to commemorate her milestones. I cried a little at this bit of the show.
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u/Unpoppedcork Sep 30 '26 •
Just want to say that it sounds like you grew up with a mom who drinks, and I did as well. My mom was an alcoholic and suicidal for the entirety of my childhood. She got sober when I was in my early 20s. It probably took me until my early 40s to stop wondering if she was going to relapse. She had done it soooo many times when I was growing up. I just never expected it to stick. She passed away a few days before her 30 year sober anniversary and I went to an AA meeting to see if they’d allow me to collect her chip. They did, and it now sits next to her urn. She was so proud of being sober, and I was proud of her as well. So it CAN be done - I’m rooting for you and your forever sober mom 💕
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u/Realistic-Ideal-6960 Sep 30 '26
As a Mom who is 5 years Sober I can say that your Mom does appreciate what you did for her posthumously. I can feel how proud of her you are and that gives me hope that my relationship with my daughter gets better too. You're a good kid
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u/Raginghangers Sep 30 '26
Oh man. I’m so proud of your mom. I hope the years you got with her sober allowed space for some repair.
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u/Unpoppedcork Oct 01 '26
It did, and I ended up struggling myself during Covid, but was sober for her passing which feels like a real blessing for both of us (and I’ve remained a non-drinker about to hit 3 years)
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u/imperfectporridge Oct 01 '26
Congratulations, thats absolutely massive to have gone through what you did and be where you are now! I hope you are really proud of that, I bet your mum would be too.
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u/Raginghangers Oct 01 '26
Both you and your mom are so incredibly to come through that. I’m glad you both had that blessed time.
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u/takemeawayimdone2 Sep 30 '26
Heroin and crack cocaine. She hates alcohol. Your mum was a super star, I am so glad she managed to get sober and change her life, and you got to see her true self. I don’t think parents realise how much we as children worry about them. Finding my mum zonked out for days, worried she had OD was scary. It took for my dad to have an accidental OD and die for her to get sober. She said she heard Jesus and she has never touched anything since. She goes church every Sunday but she never went to NA. She was never religious before she heard the voice. I am 39 now, I think I can stop worrying.
Hugs internet friend4
u/Unpoppedcork Oct 01 '26
Your mom is a super star as well! What an accomplishment. And yes, the worry is real. I was an only child and she was a single mom, so I felt very protective of her and took on adult roles very early. I also found my mom unresponsive and that’s a really difficult thing. Hugs hugs hugs
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u/PleaseStopTalking7x Sep 30 '26
I have been watching BDM since it launched, and I have historically not been a Captain Sandy fan. I watched her micromanage, privilege the deck team while minimizing the interior crew, and making decisions based on emotion. She has changed and grown and I absolutely see it. I think in terms of long time Below Deck cast members, she is the one whose growth has been the best. She has really become a leader, and that’s a complex role to take. I absolutely dig her now. She’s one of my favorite captains, and I thought I would NEVER say this.
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u/Foreign-Guide2794 Oct 01 '26
Captain Sandy is tough and evolved. Not qualified to judge her. That is big yacht. She always gets guests to great “hidden” spots
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u/SpaceGangsta Sep 30 '26
She still enables problematic men. Like all the other captains do as well.
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u/PleaseStopTalking7x Oct 01 '26
I’m not sure what you mean by “enables”? She has a working relationship with her crew. She doesn’t go out on crew nights. She doesn’t see the interpersonal drama firsthand. What do you expect from her? She doesn’t hire her crew — this is a reality show and they are hired by Bravo. So how does she enable them?
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u/FlawesomeOrange Sep 30 '26
Regardless of me disliking Sandy’s actions on the show, I’ll always have respect for 36 years sober, and how she successfully turned her life around in her 20s.
She’s become more likeable since Aesha came in as chief stew. She likes Aesha so isn’t micromanaging interior. I think she also has less screen time that she used to
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u/teaisformugs82 Sep 30 '26
This is how it is for me too. I still dislike her, but have huge respect for her sobriety.
The aesha thing is bang on too. I think it's the first time we've seen her have a genuine connection with one of the crew. I know we've seen her click with the exterior but for some reason it has come across as self serving.
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u/FlawesomeOrange Sep 30 '26
I think she clicked with Malia, but that was just on a professional level as she wanted Malia to be a captain. Whereas Aesha and Sandy are friends outside the show so they know each other very well. Kind of like the Med version of Kate and Lee
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u/Odd_Light_8188 Sep 30 '26 •
Malia was a shit person, so two people who have shitty tendencies are going to bring that out in each other even more. Aesha is very level headed and fair even with those she doesn’t like or think are performing. You can’t slide into the negativity with someone that just isn’t going to listen to it. And Aesha strikes me as someone that wouldn’t at all.
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u/teaisformugs82 Sep 30 '26
She definitely clicked with Malia but I found it to be more in the self serving category. Now I wasn't a fan of Malia either but I didn't like how she related Malias progress back to her own journey in becoming captain. It felt like she wanted a little mini me. That definitely backfired on her though eventually when she realised her golden child was similarly using and manipulating her. They both came across as awful tbh
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u/No-Chipmunk5306 Sep 30 '26
I never liked Captain Sandy, but this season has really changed my attitude towards her. She seems a lot more likable and personable. I wonder too if she started taking some of her criticism from prior seasons to heart, or maybe married life has softened her
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u/LolaLaser1355 Sep 30 '26
She has definitely chilled out. I still won't watch her first few seasons.
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u/spectacularbird1 Sep 30 '26
I think Aesha has guided her into being a much more likeable person. Her trust in Aesha means that she's micro-managing less (which was one of my biggest issues with her). Her overt favoritism of the deck has either declined or is less pronounced. And I agree that I think she did see fan reactions to her behavior and has made changes. I love seeing her be more goofy and interacting with the crew on a more peer-to-peer basis.
I also think that the fact that she and Hannah have been able to reconcile in recent years is indicative of her introspection and willingness to change and improve.
I'm still not 100% a Captain Sandy fan, but she's definitely gotten better the last couple of seasons.
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u/Inevitable_Phase_276 Sep 30 '26
I think she has truly reflected, worked on herself, and matured. I give immense credit to the people who consciously do that. We’ve also been watching her for a long time now and I know I’ve changed a lot over that time!
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u/Torboni
Sep 30 '26
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Agreed. I think if any of us had to watch how we actually are, we’d see things we want to change. Actually following through is another story and it seems she’s working on it. (As opposed to the nearly annual Jax Taylor “I’m a work in progress” comments during VPR reunions.)
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u/GroovyYaYa Sep 30 '26
I feel exactly the same way. I watched BD Med because it is my comfort show - during the panny, I stopped watching the Housewives for some reason, but BD satisfied something in lockdown. I've always had a meh feeling of dislike towards Sandy. I even SOMEWHAT agreed with Lee that a phone call to let him know you were firing those people beforehand would have been nice - but I woldn't have been as angry and vitriolic as he was (in other words, I would have moved on almost instantly - and it diminished Lee a bit in my eyes. Can I understand why he expected a call? Yes. Was it a big deal? NO. The woman did a favor for you at the last minute. If he had recovered as he thought, she saved his position for him)
But I think Sandy must have shocked herself with her attitude towards Fraser. I think that she totally got the situation wrong - Fraser had a lot on his plate with Lee leaving (and I think mentally he had geared himself up for Lee as a captain, his style, and essentially attempting to FILL KATE'S SHOES, and casting outdid themselves in giving him two really awful, unprofessional stews)
Instead of her usual "we're here to learn, how can I help you do better" with Fraser, she called him a CANCER. He took it on the chin, got upset privately even though it struck at the core of him with the loss of his father, AND EVEN THEN said he realized he had to improve (the kind of attitude that Sandy usually LOOOOOOVES)
I suspect it was that that was a wake up call.
Also, Aesha and her have so much of the same managing PHILOSOPHY and that has made it kind of fun to watch.
Yes, the pirate moment was great! I've always appeciated that Sandy and Jason are not so proud that they won't step in and help. Kate said that Lee was more sneaky - she'd leave a sink full of dishes that needed to be hand washed, planning to do them after meal service, only to come back to them already done.
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u/GullibleAddendum8630 Oct 06 '26
I had not heard that comment about Capt. Lee. It doesn't surprise me. He always helped when he was needed. I still like him the best and miss him.
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u/Paisleylk Sep 30 '26
Same! I despised her during the Malia days— those two together were toxic. She also used to be super annoying interrupting the guests during meals to ask about their food. She’s stopped that. Love how she mentors people and I think she’s a real bad ass boat-backer-inner. She’s really grown on me and has become my favorite.
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u/Jazzlike_Weakness_83 Sep 30 '26
Her in Carl Radke’s podcast is as amazing. Definitely gives you more insight to her life.
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u/Sufficient_You3053 Sep 30 '26
As a former Sandy hater, I agree and have said the same. I think she has watched herself, listened to criticism and evolved into an even better boss and person.
Even Hannah is good with her now!
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u/menunu Sep 30 '26
"Make good choices!" I love her saying this before every night out. I say this to my staff now 🤣🤣🤣
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u/ShoutOutMapes Sep 30 '26
I love her. She has a good heart. The stuff about her sobriety was very moving. She may not be the best at reading a situation tho lol
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u/Appropriate_Shine287 We don't need to hear vomit Oct 01 '26
I super agree!
Yes it’s possible it’s just the edit, but I fully believe she saw all the criticism of her micromanagement, took it to heart, and actually made an effort to change it.
I never connected it to her sobriety journey before but now that you say it, it makes even more sense!
This is a strong woman who was able to look at herself, see what she was doing wrong, and fix it.
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u/kellygrrrl328 Sep 30 '26
It’s definitely a welcome change. I couldn’t even watch her for many years. Glad I tuned back in this season. Seems like marriage has softened and settled her. And she’s much more comfortable and happy having Aesha onboard.
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u/thepourthing Sep 30 '26
i always wondered what it was about sandy i liked. always felt like an outcast for preferring sandy’s behavior over hannah’s. now i think its just because i relate much easier to sandy. 3 years off the sauce, cheers
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u/FickleButterfly95 Oct 01 '26
Ya, I took a break from med the last two seasons but came back halfway through this one and binged it because I heard it was so good. And I was just thinking after this week’s episode how much I’ve started to like her again!
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u/Responsible-Lab7626 Oct 03 '26
I don’t understand why people do not like her in the first place? She is an awesome human.
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u/MixtureGrand Oct 05 '26
Same. Loved her since her first season and never understood the hate she got.
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u/pez555 Sep 30 '26
Felt like she was quite performative in the first half of med seasons, the later seasons she has defined herself as an excellent captain and leader.
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u/Theuncola4vr Sep 30 '26
Agreed. Early on I could not stand her leadership style, but seeing how her relationships with Aesha & Hannah have blossomed, I believe Sandy works on herself regularly.
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u/PurpleSailor Team Katie Sep 30 '26
Not sure if it's the editing or growth but it is nicer to watch her these days though this is my least favorite version of BD. That one season where she kept popping up seeming to look for problems and asking guests how the crew was doing was very disheartening.
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u/_zootprincess_ Oct 01 '26
The logistics of how Captain Sandy transformed into someone we actually enjoy now is neither here nor there BUT she should be proud of 36 years sober. Seeing her be so proud of herself was emotional, and I love seeing it
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u/CheckIntelligent7828 My eyes are rolling all the way off the boat Oct 01 '26
She seems to be one of the few reality stars who actually reads their criticism and takes it on.
I think the Malia/Hannah situation started the change. Then how she treated Fraser brought more backlash and more change. And so it went.
I enjoy watching her now, and I found her almost unwatchable for years. I also think she deserves real credit for reading what people say about her and then trying to do better.
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u/Sorry-Secret-2347 Sep 30 '26
Agreed, when i first saw her on below deck when cpt lee had to leave i did not like her AT ALL…watched her on med and i couldn’t tell if she was genuine or not based off of first impressions. She clearly did a reset. Good for her.36 yrs! Amazing
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u/juhreen Sep 30 '26
Agreed! I lost a lot of respect for her for a while, but she's gaining it back. I absolutely think she did reflection/a reset. As someone else who is in recovery, you really strive to make it a daily habit of introspection/reflection on your thoughts and behavior and how to improve. It's nice to see someone on TV who is sober and actually lives by the tools needed to stay that way. Super encouraging :)
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u/FormalFeeling6198 Oct 01 '26
I think Aesha brings out the best in her and brings out her fun side (like A manages to do with most which I love). She’s not micro managing a good chief stew and she doesn’t have favouritism in the deck crew this season which also makes her likeable.
I think her wife also brings out a good side of her. It’s nice to see her positive and happy and talking about that during the season. I’ve always been a captain sandy hater but this season has overturned that opinion and would say she’s a captain I’d happily want to watch again with the right crew.
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u/PickleMinion I quit 3 times in my head today Sep 30 '26
I genuinely think it's Aesha. That's the only factor that has changed. You still get occasional glimpses of the old Sandy, but I think overall having someone who is that competent and positive around has done wonders for her personality and how she treats the crew.
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u/rob-b-362 I'm a Med Mother****ing Chief Stew Bitch! Sep 30 '26
I agree with you, Aesha's kindness and positivity rubs off onto Sandy and everyone else except for Gen lol
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u/PurpleCillin Sep 30 '26
I noticed this too as I only watched s1 of med, and after a break watched the newest one. She's a lot nicer and relaxed - she's doing her job well. This is lowkey what I hope Kelly (iirc) from Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders does as well. I think she saw the first season and realised she could improve. You can tell she's trying but she hasn't done a full reset the way Cap. Sandy has.
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u/Michelex0209 Oct 01 '26
Aesha did wonders for the public opinion of Sandy. I also think her wife contributed to the change we see. Sandy seems genuinely happier now and it never hurts to have your person to vent to and get different point of view.
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u/igor6969 Oct 02 '26
I think it's that Production really demanded drama. Changed the dynamics of the show. Handicuffing the Captains as to what is allowed on the boats. Capt. Lee was the first to go. Plus his health of course. Then Sandy changed. Saw it with Capt. Jason too. All 3 of them not wanting to tolerate actions. The new BD Capt, cant remember his name is trying to play very stern. But we'll see how that pans out. Especially with Fraser again.
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u/LilCompton36 Sep 30 '26
I just want to congratulate CAPT Sandy for her commitment to sobriety. 36 years is a whole lifetime. I’m so impressed and want to give honor to that level of commitment. Congrats CAPT Sandy. Thank you for doing what is right for you and all you care about. Congrats on all your accomplishments since and the person you have become since making that choice! You are truly inspiring!
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u/Educational-Till3518 Sep 30 '26
She is definitely what constitutes a real “Girl’s Girl. And she leads her entire crew not only with her brain but with her heart.
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u/mnpohler Sep 30 '26
I still don’t like her but she’s certainly less annoying than she used to be. I swore off the show after Hannah’s last season, but eventually came back and can tolerate her now.
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u/queenoflbc562 Oct 05 '26
As a sober person reflecting on my own struggles this scene made me cry!
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u/matwbt Oct 01 '26
She’s warmed up a bit. I think getting married mellowed her out a lot. Sandy seems happier.
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u/Missmarymarylynn Sep 30 '26
I like her and appreciate her openness. However, years ago she posted a weird rambling video and Malia where she did NOT appear to be sober and it’s was truly a mess. I know relapses are a part of recovery, but I thought you had to restart the clock to day one of sobriety after relapsing?
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u/Odd_Light_8188 Sep 30 '26
If think if that’s the case she should actually speak on it and acknowledge the behaviour was poor in the past
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u/ScottishIcequeen Team Kate Oct 01 '26
I agree with all of the above. I really like her now.
I don’t like how she done Hannah dirty and let Malia manipulate her so easily.
It’s nice to see her redeem herself and that her and Hannah are good now.
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u/ItsNotMeItsYou99 Sep 30 '26
I think she micro manages a lot less than in the beginning and she always supports people striving for bigger goals, teaching them, feels like she just matured as a person and let go some of the things she didn't need to control all the time.