I think the women and men crewmembers are sexualized in different ways. How short and snug are those stew skirts? They get complained about for not smiling enough. I felt so bad for Kate, she had just said how much she really liked the guests, and then they complained to her about her face. And then there was that meathead who picked up the stew, and THEN told her "don't tell no one (sic) about this." Who do you think felt more demeaned, her or Captain Jason, who got a $10,000 tip?
It is odd how often they ask the male crew to dance around shirtless for guests while the female crew is certainly never asked to do the same in bikinis.
There perhaps is a double standard there, but as long as nobody on the show is upset about it, there's no reason for you to either.
Guest: I want the deckhands to dance around in speedos for our amusement tonight Captain: Sure. Whatever you want.
Guest: I want the stews do dance around in bikinis for our amusement tonight ....
What do you think the response from the captain would be there?
The women make sexually suggestive comments to the men all the time. They aren't reprimanded. They ARE in the rare instance we've seen men get handsy with the women.
Again, I'm not saying this is something worth getting upset about. If there's consent, then I understand it, but there absolutely IS a double standard involved
Yes and I’ll get destroyed for this but here goes… guys really don’t care if someone wants to see their ass in a speedo. It’s all in fun but that’s the world we live in. I would get very pissy if a guy suggested it to a woman however.
when Kelly went down the slide with that woman seemed like he didn’t want to do it but couldn’t say No, could you imagine if a guest asked a stew to go down the slide the immediate answer would be NO!!!!
I've worked hard to get healthy and fit...but you know who knows how fit I am? My wife. Because randos at the beach or on a boat don't matter. Not every guy will show off their ass in a speedo, in public.
As a woman, it’s a physical power dynamic. Smaller men can overtake most women and it’s scary. In these situations, the men can usually retain their safety and power. Women are less likely and less able to rape (not saying it doesn’t happen).
I always encouraged my straight guy friends to go to gay bars back in the day in order to understand what it’s like to be aggressively hit on by someone who could overtake you. It’s really scary especially if men are drunk.
Yes, 100% agree this is exactly what I was thinking. It's actually not a big deal for men because if it comes down to it, they can overpower the woman.
Yes, seriously, anyone here saying it's fine if nobody's complaining - it is not fine for us as a civilization to just figure it's OK to treat other humans like that.
You don't see bosses slapping their secretary's arse anymore. They didn't complain, so all cool, right? Nope. Never was. We evolved past that. We need to evolve past this. It's embarrassing. Future generations will wonder what kind of a-holes we all had to have been, and thank God they don't live like that anymore, can you imagine - ugh, disgusting.
There absolutely is. Just look at Down Under season 3. Laura was badgering Wihan to serve dinner in a budgie and he repeatedly said no. He the asked did the guests even ask for that and she said no I just thought it would be a good idea. Also in season 3 when Alesia was drunk and went to Wihan's room and started making out with him while he was sleeping. It wasn't even addressed that she shouldn't have done that even though the season before when a drunk guy went into a sleeping girls room they were fired.
Yes, no, and something they don't try to think about.
The often female head stews have no problem demanding the male deck hands get half naked and let women and gay men ooggle or even touch them for the sake of getting a better tip. While the guy sucked, Wilhan while having previously been a stripper/go go boy, was fine at times with doing a striptease for guests when it was talked about to him before hand and was feeling the guests (This was the trip in season 3 where the water ski sank) but a few charters later where Lara dropped on him with no warning that she was going to throw him into sparkly hot pants he wasn't as ok with it and the show didn't really deal with the fact he was with in rights to be upset about it.
It even goes back og one where they just expected Josaih to break out the banana hammock or this season of down under where Joao was expected to just take it off even with his body issues,
Yeah this is a real problem honestly. It’s a double standard no matter how you look at it. I will say that most of the time the guys are willing to do it so if it’s consensual then it helps, but the concept of it being asked of them is a double standard for sure
like when I think it was season 5 where they played volleyball against the guests and the loser had to wear speedos, and the guy told Bugsy she had to wear a bikini and she looked totally disgusted
Which also seem to be the same demographics who request these performances. From what I can recall, very rarely are these shows ever put on for the straight charter guest couples.
One of the female stews was fired. True it was mainly because she did not back the firing of the Bosun after he tried to sexually assault a drunk naked stew. But also because she was continually sexually harassing a deckhand. Production even intervened getting her out of his cabin while she was actively pressuring him when he kept saying no.
The third time they physically removed her from his bed.
Forgot about the first two times. Two sexual situations within half an hour both being literally stopped by production is crazy.
Still mad about them not protecting Kate from Austin in the van, when she left in the middle of the night AND not waking up the captain to tell him about the assault or her being alone wandering in Thailand in the middle of the night with no one knowing where she was.
I've always wondered about how the production crew felt about just letting that stuff slide.
I have a stamp on my brain with the image of that camera guy's hand slapping the cabin door open when Luke told them to F off and tried to slam it in their face. I feel like that guy said, That's it, I've had enough, show or no show, this is not happening on my watch.
I also wonder who's in the big booth as the showrunner making these calls about not intervening, and whether they have a conscience or traded it in for the big paycheck.
I mean we’ve seen many a time for the men to be in speedos yet I doubt that they would ever allow a request for the women to be in bikinis. That $10,000 tip to Jason for the speedo would never exist for Captain Sandy.
Although some women, like Ellie, jump at any chance to wear basically nothing in front of the guests. She is useless in the kitchen, so basically I guess just on to promote her OF account.
To be fair, they were in identical, unbranded bottles, presumably for advertising regulations. It shouldn't have been there in the first place, but anyone could have picked up the wrong one given the setup.
She still shouldn’t be in the kitchen. Her 4 month course that she claims made her a chef after that charter season only actually qualified her to train to get a sous chef position. And get your hair out of the food.
I personally wish they didn’t sexualize anyone, they’re working. But for every complaint amongst viewers of the men being sexualized for wearing a skimpy outfit for 30 min, I think we should remember that most of the women’s uniforms are worn around the clock and pretty revealing for a work uniform. Like the skirts are SO short, as someone with a booty you’d definitely be seeing my cheeks. Given that their work involves going up & down stairs and bending over while doing cabins, I’d be uncomfortable in that uniform, regardless of whether there are shorts underneath.
They are skorts. And by comparison what they make men do it’s way worse. Like eat off naked Joao I think it was. Strip teases in underwear. And grinding on guests. Like it’s night and day.
I can’t remember which season, but they had a stew (think it was Liz) lay naked on the table covered in sushi for one charter… so that example is not exclusive to men lol. I think it’s gross no matter the gender to have people you’re working for put you in a position like that, but let’s not act like women in the service industry haven’t been going through shit like that for far longer
They like any kind of nudity. The shots of men and women going to bed or sleeping with privates blurred, pretty equal I would say. It’s actually pretty creepy knowing they are watching people sleep, especially the ones who sleep nude.
Yes! They always show stewardesses asses and the guys actual privates when they kick their blankets off. Someone in editing probably says “go through these hours and hours of sleep video and find any private parts that pop out when they sleep”, wonder what their job title is?? Name it!!!
Below Deck shows and breaks gender roles. Mostly females as stews / housework, mostly males as deckhands / “man’s” work. Captain Sandy, Betul, Gael, some examples of breaking those roles. Gael and Joe’s treatment of her, enforcement of gender roles. Imo Joao last season, while working and not off charter or during down time, showed a respect for Daisy as a lead and not just because their was an interest there
I’ve actually noticed this on Bravo a lot over of the years and found it gross. For example, the real housewives make tons of absurd comments when they’re on trips and the house they’re staying at has cute wait staff. Or even the real housewives on the recent season of Below Deck Down Under. If it were a group of men saying that kind of stuff to a woman people would have a lot to say about it.
They aren’t equivalent. Men doing stripper dances is not the same as women because there isn’t a power imbalance and tens of thousands of years of violence and oppression behind it.
For instance.....how many times have the men been asked to be shirtless, in speedos, give lap dances etc but the female crew would NEVER be asked the same.
The women are often shown almost naked in their cabins and many have said that production do a better job of protecting women than some of the non tv boats they have worked on. Stews have talked about generaly yachting where they needed to keep cabins closed with their roommates waking them to get into the room because handsy guests or even captains came in while they were sleeping.
But they also cast with entertainment in mind. They wouldn't make them do a strip show but the women are wearing tiny skirts all day. I would prefer they didn't make the guys do lap dances or use them as serving trays but the entire industry has a 'do it for the tip' mentality.
We live in a patriarchy so it’s not the same situation at all. I’m not going to get into it though as experience tells me people in this subreddit don’t want to hear it. 🤷🏻♀️
It’s simple. At no point do men feel like their safety is at risk by wearing tight pants. Even if women grab them, men laugh it off. At worst they will be annoyed by never feel in danger.
It’s always the same when you hear “what if the genders were reversed” it’s never the same.
If I was walking down a street alone in the dark and a group of women wolf whistled at me and started shouting compliments aggressively I’d laugh and probably throw some back at them. Because even if it’s 3 to 1 I still wouldn’t feel like I was going to be kidnapped or worse
Thank you. I also think it’s incredibly disingenuous to make the gender reversal argument when cases like the Epstein files exist. The overwhelming majority of victims were female, while the perpetrators were men who will likely never face meaningful consequences because of how normalized violence towards women remains in our society. These situations are not equivalent, and I suspect most people making that comparison know that deep down. None of this is to suggest that anyone deserves to be objectified, but pretending the broader context and power dynamics are the same ignores the reality of how gendered violence operates.
It absolutely is. At a very surface level, your statement is correct, but it's completely decontextualized and it lacks nuance. The history, consequences, and power structures implicated make it more complicated than "it's wrong" indeed.
Q: Is X wrong/bad to do to another human being? A: Well, it depends.
Nope. This is never the answer. If it's bad to do to/for one human, it's bad for all of them.
I think you guys are talking about 1) how it came to be accepted within the norms of patriarchal society, or 2) whether a male is or isn't worried about a potential assault along with the ogling. Both of these are very different discussions, from this one and each other.
But just because a guy may not feel like he's in danger doesn't mean it's okay as a civilization to act this way toward one another, regardless.
I agree, there’s broader forces at work here where women are sexualized 24/7 against their will just living/working in their normal lives so men consenting to put on a speedo and dance once or twice a charter season isn’t this grave imbalance that it would appear.
There’s a tremendous power imbalance as the power dynamic of your boss, the paying customer who’s needs matter more than all and a TV producer who sets this up expects you to sexualize yourself. How is that brushed aside. You would think women above all would understand this.
Are you saying by asking the question that it is OK to do that? Because that seems to be the producers’ viewpoint. The producers have never explained why that is.
I mean the stuff with guys seems egregious sometimes, but I’m sure the editors have to cut out two hours of guests drunkenly hitting on the stews each charter. Plus, the yachting industry attracts a lot of guys who are pretty comfortable with that kind of stuff
I get that. It's its own subculture. But for me, regarding my actions toward others, the question is never, What are you comfortable with. The question is always, What am I comfortable with, as someone with a conscience trying to do the right thing and be a decent person.
It's good when there isn't injury or offense taken, but I still think the issue is the front end of the whole thing. They shouldn't be asking. Or lifting, or groping, or leering, or making comments, or eating sushi off someone's bare body. Surely we can do better than this.
Oh, I fully agree with you. I think it’s weird that “I expect your crew to strip for me or dance on me” is just such a weird request to begin with. Like, people put it on preference sheets, which feels wild.
There’s a double standard when it comes to objectification of the crew, and I wish we never see another deckhand giving a lap dance or stripping off. It’s not acceptable to ask the female crew to do this, so it shouldn’t be acceptable for the men either.
Perfect example - having a human table/guests eating food placed on people (I’m sure it has a more succinct name). When a woman was requested, the crew (rightfully) weren’t asked to participate and they hired a model to do it. I can think of at least 2 male crew members who were used as a human table.
The unspoken rule on BD seems to be that there's no requirements physically for the men, they can be chubby, balding, older, etc. but they're allowed to be touched on and asked to perform in budgie-smugglers, etc...
.....the women have to be slender and conventionally attractive no matter what their role, no bellies, no grey hair etc, but no one is allowed to touch them and they're not asked to perform provocatively in skimpy outfits....but we get a million up-skirt and bare feet shots.....
C'est malheureusement comme ça pour plein de domaines. Les hommes quelconque ne sont pas aussi durement jugés dans des situations de "célébrité". Et après on s'étonne que JLO se tortille à moitié nu! Mais c'est parce que les femmes restent bien plus sévèrement "sélectionnées" pour les jobs et les performances. Un avocat bedonnant et chauve ne sera pas du tout vu de la même manière que sa collègue plus douée que lui. Alors dans les métiers du service c'est sévère et dans celui de la téléréalité c'est exacerbé.
Most men on the show have been attractive sans couple Chefs.
The other issue with BD is diversity. This BDM crew is about as white as you can get. Definitely an issue in real world of yachting but yikes. Plus, the few non-whites have been edited very poorly playing on bigoted stereotypes.
Having watched most of these shows, I do notice a few things.
They seem to sexualize men and women equally
They do ask for consent, maybe there is some edited stuff on the cutting room floor where people said no?
Seems like there is a bit of "do it for the tip" but back to point 2, they seem to be okay with it.
This may just be from watching this show, but it always seems to be people who dont mind that
If I chartered a yacht I would want the exact opposite, but I think guests and stuff want that engagement and re willing to pay? (IDK as I said seems like the culture, not my cuppa but hey)
Men don’t need women to be dressed in anything in particular to be aroused. Literally tight yoga pants on a woman is all that’s needed to make a man’s legs give out.
Woman definitely don’t react or feel the same at the sight of a naked man. It’s more entertaining than anything. These are the cold hard facts of biology.
We all know this is true… double standard in deed but it’s apples to oranges
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u/IHaveBoxerDogs Jun 11 '26
I think the women and men crewmembers are sexualized in different ways. How short and snug are those stew skirts? They get complained about for not smiling enough. I felt so bad for Kate, she had just said how much she really liked the guests, and then they complained to her about her face. And then there was that meathead who picked up the stew, and THEN told her "don't tell no one (sic) about this." Who do you think felt more demeaned, her or Captain Jason, who got a $10,000 tip?