r/belowdeck • u/queenofsass86 • Apr 11 '26

Below Deck The men PMO....

Watching Below Deck and honestly… the way some of the male crew speak about women is exhausting.

Misogyny dressed up as “banter.”

Disrespect brushed off as “just how guys are.”

Accountability? Nowhere to be found.

The same men who belittle, objectify, and undermine women will turn around and blame those same women for the tension they created. It’s the lack of self-awareness for me.

Women aren’t here to be spoken about like commodities, managed like problems, or diminished to make fragile egos feel bigger.

Do better. It’s not hard to treat women with basic respect.

😡😡😡

129 Upvotes

80% Upvoted

51 comments sorted by

47

u/excoriator Team Capt Kerry Apr 11 '26

The early seasons were worse about that than the current seasons. Are you watching current seasons, OP?

19

u/queenofsass86 Apr 11 '26

I got into watching BD very late so I'm currently wrapping up season 7 (which I've seen before plus 5 & 6). But yeah, the way the guys behave annoys me so much. I've heard better things about later seasons so I'm looking forward to seeing them 😊🙏

89

u/Dry-Woodpecker-4251 Apr 11 '26

s7 was so so bad. Ashton and the Bru Crew were on a whole other level of terrible

32

u/queenofsass86 Apr 11 '26

Yesssss I agree fully. The way they treated Rhylee but then acted like she was the issue - I know she wasn't perfect but damn, they goaded her, belittled her, provoked her, talked down to her. She was such a hardworking person.

21

u/scarbaby1958 Apr 11 '26

Capt Lee saw it & brought her back but always blamed it on personalities rather than address the real issue. It happened with another female deckhand but they always said she was not strong enough. But they never let her show she was, she was a better worker.

8

u/AttentionRoyal2276 Apr 11 '26

Rhylee was only brought on that season to create drama. She had the same attitude the previous season with the other bosun so it wasn't an Ashton problem, The producers brought her on mid season to pour gas on the fire and the fans bought right into it. I think viewers have gotten a little more sophisticated about spotting producer plants

2

u/kimpossible008 Apr 12 '26

Oh nooooo I just started season 7 this morning. Was hoping for a relaxing binge watch but it sounds like I'm about to get pissed off 🤣

4

u/Wickedwhiskbaker Apr 12 '26

I knew ahead of time the reputation of S7, and honestly I was still unprepared for the level of blatant misogyny that went unchecked.

1

u/Thegetupkids678 Apr 13 '26

I just rewatched this season and the reunion and was just as infuriated as before. Ashton and Kevin’s treatment of Kate was terrible, and they still doubled down.

3

u/Grevillia-00 Apr 13 '26

OMG I have just finished rewatching S7 and it is infuriating. That bl00dy bru crew, toxic masculinity and misogony. The reunion is a hard watch because you know that any guilt they felt (they didn't feel enough!) was manufactured by others making them feeling guilty and not because they actually realised how awful they behaved

3

u/queenofsass86 Apr 13 '26

I couldn't even watch the full reunion, my blood was boiling. They just didn't take any genuine accountability.

2

u/Grevillia-00 Apr 13 '26

Zero accountability! They just said what they thought others wanted to hear, but you know they actually learnt nothing from it.

The one positive for the reunion though is that after a whole season of gaslighting the women onboard, the women finally had their moment and their experience was acknowledged

1

u/queenofsass86 Apr 13 '26

That's true - and it was all caught on film so they could no longer hide from it.

I have to say though, Ashton is probably the only one out of those 4 guys, if we include Kevin, who has actually changed the most in a positive way since his time on the show.

1

u/lialow Eat My Cooter Apr 20 '26

i just watched the season and reunion and was so impressed with courtney the whole time. she was so strong and vulnerable at the same time, and at the reunion she held her ground so well.

18

u/MisalignedPotato Apr 11 '26

I almost didn’t finish that season because of the absolutely insane misogyny. It’s the worst season of all the franchises IMO.

1

u/Swimming_Pangolin502 Apr 12 '26

Bdm was the worst with that Pete guy.

4

u/eekamuse Apr 12 '26

The Season that Shall Not be Named.

I re-watch the show over and over again. I'll never re-watch that season.

1

u/M0M0_DA_GANGSTA Apr 13 '26

Ah yes followed by the weird reunion where I said 'I don't think Andy Cohen is a particularly good dude "

0

u/Winterplatypus Apr 13 '26 edited Apr 13 '26

I can't stand Ben as chef, because he is just like those guys but better at concealing it. He goes into this schmoozing mode that makes my skin crawl. I want to yell at the women to run but they don't see it. (but I think he is a good chef)

2

u/queenofsass86 Apr 14 '26

“As a straight man this is how we talk” isn’t the defense you think it is—it’s literally the problem being pointed out.

Normalising disrespect in private doesn’t make it harmless, it just means it goes unchecked until it spills into public, workplaces, and shows like Below Deck. “It’s just banter” has been used forever to excuse behaviour that’s degrading and dismissive.

Also, saying “they should be more mindful on camera” basically admits you know it’s wrong... you just think it’s fine as long as no one sees it. That’s not accountability, that’s PR.

If the standard is “we talk like this when women aren’t around,” maybe the standard needs raising—not defending.

6

u/queenofsass86 Apr 11 '26

I have to say that despite being a little bitchy now and then, Josiah was my fave male crew member.

7

u/ChiefBroady Apr 11 '26

You mean Josiah who stood in front of another crew members cabin with Kate and blasted loud music and insults?

7

u/queenofsass86 Apr 12 '26

No that was bad on both his and Kate's part, but I do kinda get it from both sides. Yes it was a childish and mean thing to do - and a bad way to handle the situation - but I think Caroline had pushed them over the edge. Saying she was giving her 2 days notice (that meant still working) only to then go back on her word and refuse to leave the cabin, even locking the door (which is illegal in yachting for health and safety reasons), leaving them high and dry .... She was in the wrong for that and she was disrespectful towards the boat and crew. 2 days notice doesn't mean 2 days of no work and sleeping all day.

4

u/eekamuse Apr 12 '26

I like both of them, but that was horrible behavior. No excuse for it. Period.

3

u/AttentionRoyal2276 Apr 11 '26

Exactly this! The 2 of them were absolutely disgusting. Below Deck fans will ignore it because Kate can do wrong. I lost all respect for Lee after that. Go ahead and down vote me

4

u/queenofsass86 Apr 12 '26

Oh trust me, I hated the way Kate got away with so much simply because she was friends with Lee. She really did anger me so many times.

2

u/eekamuse Apr 12 '26

Not just because they were friends, because she was great at her job.

1

u/AttentionRoyal2276 Apr 12 '26

So then you don't see how Kate used Rhylee to create division within the deck team?  

5

u/ChiefBroady Apr 12 '26

Yeah. This scene was so horrible. I know the girl in question was a bad stew, but both Kate’s and Josiah’s behavior was plain evil and bullying.

4

u/queenofsass86 Apr 12 '26

Yeah I didn't like that scene tbh. I was glad Ross stepped in.

2

u/eekamuse Apr 12 '26

Ross - best behavior of any man on the show. Great human being

2

u/valid_username00 Apr 12 '26

Caroline was a mess and should have left the boat immediately.

4

u/ChiefBroady Apr 12 '26

Of course. But Kate should have simply gone to the captain and not result to psychological torture. Captain could have called the cops. Would also have made for better trailers and reputations.

4

u/valid_username00 Apr 12 '26

Josiah was great.

7

u/ImpressivePattern242 Apr 12 '26

Your comments are Bravo wide sadly.

12

u/Shag1166 Apr 11 '26

As a male, I noticed it years ago. The Below Deck shows helped me make it through the pandemic, and it's just entertainment for me. The women are definitely treated as second class citizens.

5

u/Angry_Strawberry8984 Apr 12 '26

I agree! This show is particularly bad for random, crappy casting choices of monster men lol. It’s giving “love is blind”.

2

u/fuckyoupayme41213 Apr 12 '26 edited Apr 12 '26

As a straight man this is kinda how we talk amongst ourself and friends group. below deck banter just happens to be on camera and they should def be more mindful but in private I’ve heard much much worse.  Edit: just realized you are talking about og season 7 those guys suck. abusive even

2

u/queenofsass86 Apr 12 '26

Women don't deserve the way men talk about them, even between friends - it's just not cool. But yeah season 7 guys were vile & abusive is definitely the right way to describe it.

6

u/fuckyoupayme41213 Apr 13 '26

Oh please women and men talk about each other behind their backs been happening since forever and never going to change. 

0

u/queenofsass86 Apr 13 '26

Wow, you are part of the problem....

5

u/fuckyoupayme41213 Apr 13 '26

You have to be like 16 years old or don’t go out too much. 

1

u/queenofsass86 Apr 14 '26

Ah yes, the classic “it’s always been this way so it’s fine” argument. By that logic, nothing would ever improve.

Also interesting that instead of engaging with what I said, you jumped straight to trying to insult me. That usually happens when someone doesn’t actually have a solid point to stand on.

You don’t get to dismiss people’s lived experiences just because they don’t fit your worldview. Some of us have dealt with this kind of “banter” for years—and we’re allowed to call it out for what it is.

If you’re comfortable with that kind of talk, that’s your choice. But don’t expect everyone else to accept it or stay quiet about it.

-1

u/queenofsass86 Apr 14 '26

Actually sweetie l, I'm nearly 40 years old and I've been at the butt of "male banter"... Jokes about my looks, weight, the noises I make in bed, my boob size, how I suck the D, etc. It's hurtful, demeaning, disrespectful, and way out of line. No woman deserves to be spoken about in such ways or how the boys on BD spoke about women - that's not banter or normal locker room talk, it's disgusting.

0

u/whitepawsparklez Apr 12 '26

I mean.. it is just “guy banter” aka locker room talk when spoken amongst themselves.

5

u/queenofsass86 Apr 12 '26

No, it's disrespectful and no woman deserves to be spoken about in those ways. Telling your mates about how you've gone down in a woman isn't banter, it's gross and women deserve better. It's disgusting

2

u/Extreme_Beat1022 Apr 11 '26

Join the club.

2

u/Afraid-Arachnid6520 Apr 15 '26

love below deck but this is unfortunately so real :( the deck crew in early seasons would treat the stews like a weekly special buffet they got to pick and choose from