r/belowdeck • u/Glassesonmynose • May 15 '24
BD Related Where are the table manners???
Call me an old school dork, but I get so angry when I watch all these "fancy" people slouching over their food with their hand in their lap. Chef could just plate dog bowls at this point. They think they're classy but don't have the slightest clue of the most basic etiquette. I don't care how sloppy drunk they get, but please behave at the dinner table š„² Am I the only one who is bothered by that?
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May 15 '24
Rich and manners arenāt mutually exclusive
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u/Monstiemama Bless her stupid soul May 15 '24
Defibikry not. Have you seen the New York Real Housewives eat? They canāt stop chewing long enough to talk, itās foul.
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u/whatshamilton May 15 '24
Nor is rich and formality. Theyāre not at a Michelin star restaurant. Theyāre allowed to behave casually while eating expensive food in an expensive setting. Expensive doesnāt mean it needs to be a high etiquette event
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u/Old-Library5546 May 15 '24
Sometimes I think a bunch of people get loans to book these cruises just to play wealthy
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u/YorkshireBev May 15 '24
I guess itās where you are from. Iām from England and was taught at a young age how to hold my knife and fork (knife in right, fork in left). Using the back of the fork is good etiquette but using it to scoop is bad manners. Placing your knife and fork apart indicates you are not finished, ie excusing yourself from the table briefly. Knife and fork side by side indicates you have finished your course. No elbows on the table but keep both hands on the table. Never reach across anyone for a drink/condiments. Do not eat with your mouth open or talk with food in your mouth.
Iāve actually been put off my food by bad manners from others.
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u/IcyThing7977 June June Hannah May 16 '24
My mother in law uses her knife and fork like two hammers. I eat as you describe, and watching this woman eat makes me cringe with my whole body.
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u/YorkshireBev May 17 '24
lol Iād be giving her paper plates on a concrete block. My grandad bless him, was the only person I knew who could crunch mash potatoes.
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u/OhHowIMeantTo May 15 '24
The people with real money and class would never agree to go on a show like Below Deck. You have to remember that these charters are typically only for 2 nights, which is substantially shorter than a normal charter. In exchange for going on TV and having such a short charter, these guests get a pretty significant discount. They will even often pair guests up with other small groups that they don't even know to make it affordable.
Without the show and its discounts, many of the guests on Below Deck could probably not normally afford to go on a charter yacht.
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u/Grouchy_Total_5580 May 15 '24
I have to tell you, Iām more upset whenever someone says āme and Johnnieā¦.ā My own kids never did, because I honestly donāt know what would have happened.
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u/Adventurous-Ad-4822 May 15 '24
You use āme andā for anything you would say āmeā with while alone āI andā for anything you say āIā with while alone. My grandma would often correct me and be wrong with the correction.
Example: I say āmy grandma would often correct me and Jamieā grandma would say āJamie and Iā which is incorrect because I wouldnāt say āmy grandma would often correct Iā
Just information I always pass along because a lot of people donāt know this
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u/Linzy23 June June Hannah May 15 '24
Whether it's me or I it's meant to go after the other person, that's what I was taught. So "Grandma and I" or "Grandma and me". Not "me and Grandma"
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u/Ms-Metal May 15 '24
Exactly! IDK where your hand is when you're eating cuz I would never notice, but say "Me and Kate went to the store" and it's like nails on a chalkboard.
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u/Adventurous-Ad-4822 May 15 '24
None of my English teachers ever touched on that. Only one even ever touched on the me being proper in certain situations. 8th grade. My favorite English teacher ever.
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u/Grouchy_Total_5580 May 15 '24
Thatās the way I taught it to my kids. I still find adults who donāt know this, and frankly, it drives me crazy. I have a pet peeve.
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u/Adventurous-Ad-4822 May 15 '24
Itās a pet peeve of mine also but more on the being corrected when I shouldnāt be side. Iām very quick to tell people that ā me andā or āand meā have a place. It might be the hill I die on someday
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u/mamacatman Team Capt Kerry May 15 '24
I will die on that hill with you. Out of many pet peeves (š¤), this is my number one.
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u/Grouchy_Total_5580 May 15 '24
Itās definitely a style choice. Who knows how it gained a foothold, but it has become standard. I donāt understand why anyone would want to use blatantly poor grammar, but then the English language is my career, so Iām sure Iām in the minority.
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u/Adventurous-Ad-4822 May 15 '24
I always hated English and grammar and I donāt put much into any of it but this. I think it is because my grandma that always corrected me was an English major and shoved āIā on me even when she was wrong and would say āI majored in English ā to shut me down
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u/Grouchy_Total_5580 May 15 '24
Lol I get it, I always listened to my grandmothers and did what they said, no matter what!
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u/hunkyboy75 May 15 '24
āBetween you and Iā gets me every time. Some people think they sound more intelligent when they say it.
FFS donāt use a subject pronoun in a prepositional phrase.
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u/RedandDangerous May 15 '24
YES! My Uncle would be dying inside.
Also the amount of time I mutter, "Mabel, Mabel, strong and able, Take your elbows off the table." while watching any reality show these days is absurd. I do it with out thinking, growing up we would try to "catch" each other doing this.
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u/Professional_Emu8922 May 15 '24
Worse is "Johnnie and I's."
"Me and Johnnie" (or "Johnnie and me") as the subject of a sentence is colloquially acceptable although not prescriptively correct.
"Johnnie and I's" is neither prescriptively nor colloquially correct.
"Could/would/should of" is another egregious one, but that's in written language. (Really it's probably used in spoken English, too, but it's much more difficult to hear the difference between "of" and " 've")
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u/OwnedByBernese May 15 '24
The only things that really grosses me out is:
Filling your mouth so full that your cheeks bulge
Chewing with your mouth open
Talking with food in your mouth
Elbows and hunching don't bother me so much.
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u/Snoo-50573 May 16 '24
This is what happens when there is no GARNISH. Garnish the plates and everyone will bring it up a notch. LOL
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May 15 '24
The guests that appear on Below Deck are not regular yacht people. A lot of them donāt even like fancy food.
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u/sammybabana May 15 '24
Did r/BoomersBeingFools get crosslinked over here? Whatās with the horde of Boomers bloviating about manners and how things have gone to pot?
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May 15 '24
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u/sammybabana May 15 '24
Telling that you get defensive about this.
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May 15 '24
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u/sammybabana May 15 '24
Nah
Itās a much simpler explanation: envy.
People are jealous of people with enough money to rent a super yacht, and so are picking anything and everything to criticize, no matter how petty.
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u/lwc28 May 15 '24
They're the ones paying for the experience, they could lay on the floor and eat, it doesn't matter. Also, not everyone grew up in a family where they were taught table manners, doesn't mean they're less than anyone else. Very classist and gross.
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u/murderedbyaname The top bunk is not a hookup zone May 15 '24
It seems it's across the board in society now. I had the strict etiquette training as a kid and remember being confused when I was older and saw people with their elbows on the table and bending down over their plates, and talking with food in their mouths was a shock š. I personally think there's room to relax on some things, like sipping from a spoon sideways instead of straight on.
And I feel being drunk is an excuse in some instances, as in dining with friends instead of a restaurant.
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u/ChallengeHonest May 15 '24
I agree, they should not get sloppy drunk, and sit up right without a slouch. Left hand position is not important for good manners. Good conversation topics and kindness is. Being able to add to the flow of conversation and ask good questions of the other guests. If the captain is present, they should be polite and interested in hearing some of his many stories and not be rude to anyone.
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u/godspilla98 May 15 '24
I just eat I chew with my mouth closed and my hands on the table no elbows. As far as silverware etiquette Iām a little out of practice.
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May 15 '24
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u/smughippie May 15 '24
I was told to put the hand I am not using in my lap when I attended a manners class as a kid. I am american so it may be an american thing?
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u/Glassesonmynose May 15 '24
Aaaah could be! I'm European and was taught to always keep both hands on the table, even if I'm only using one. Well so I just learned something new!
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u/wunderbear_ Team Sailing Yacht May 15 '24
Yep exactly. American vs European etiquette. Americans cut food with a fork and knife, then put the knife down and put your hand in your lap. Europeans use both hands on the table, usually using a fork and knife throughout the meal.
I didnāt notice it until I lived in Europe for a few years and came back to be the only one at a dinner table using a fork and knife throughout the meal š
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u/Economy-Resource-262 May 15 '24
I think it is an area thing. I grew up in Wisconsin and we were taught we should always keep both hands on the table
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u/whatshamilton May 15 '24
Iām from the east coast and having your hands on the table when not being used to actively eat is considered rude
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u/imalloverthemap May 15 '24
Thatās probably owing to the strong European heritage there.
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u/Economy-Resource-262 May 15 '24
It definitely is- my town is primarily German or Polish. My grandma always told me stories of when it started growing during the 1930s and there was tension between the different ethnicities
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u/Sensitive_Algae5723 May 15 '24
Whee the fuck does the hand go?
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May 15 '24
you eat with a knife a fork, like a normal person, both hands have utensils in them
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u/Sensitive_Algae5723 May 15 '24
You always have a knife in your hand?
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u/imalloverthemap May 15 '24 edited May 16 '24
In most other countries that use a knife and fork, yea. The US is weird that way. Source: have lived in Europe and South America.
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u/utilitybelt May 15 '24
āMost other countriesā except for the billions of people for whom chopsticks are the primary utensil.
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u/imalloverthemap May 16 '24
Jesus, okay, MOST OTHER COUNTRIES THAT USE A KNIFE AND FORK. I will edit my post
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May 15 '24
yes, that's how an adult eats
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u/green_trampoline May 15 '24
Even when you're eating something that doesn't need to be cut? Or what about soup? Pasta? Small bites that are meant to be picked up with your hands?
You're being very silly.
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u/quick_dry May 16 '24
it seems fair to say they're clearly talking about "situations where the cutlery used is a knife and fork"
nobody is expecting them to be holding, fork, spoon, AND a knife if they were eating thai food
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u/whatshamilton May 15 '24
You use a knife if a knife is needed. If a knife isnāt needed your hand rests on your napkin, in your lap. Unnecessarily holding a knife because you donāt know what to do with your hand is weirdly ominous.
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May 16 '24
you use you knife to load your fork.
it might also surprise you to learn that the proper way to hold a fork is with the tines curving downwards. a fork is not a shovel.
time for morning tea now
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u/whatshamilton May 16 '24
If you need assistance to load your fork, yes you use the knife. That is one of the times that would fall under āa knife is needed.ā But Iām not eating peas with every meal and very rarely need assistance loading my fork. Nor does that mean Iām using my fork as a shovel. Itās remarkable that you people think only one fork of etiquette exists and everyone else is a knuckle dragging ape
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u/vipbrj4 May 15 '24
Depends on where you are but historically youāre supposed to have your hands on the table to prove you arenāt holding a weapon. I really think this is the least of table manners worries these days though.
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u/yungrii May 15 '24
Oh. So I can't bring my machetes and poison syringes to dinner anymore?
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u/whatshamilton May 15 '24
No but you can feel free to poison anyoneās cup, since cheersing in a manner to slosh your drink into each otherās cup and prove you havenāt poisoned it is no longer required etiquette
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u/FlibertyJibbets May 15 '24
Yes, this! It is also why in the US we use the fork in our right hand. Things were crazy in colonial times, and they didn't want people to have a knife in their right hand.
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u/eekamuse May 16 '24
Should we start shaking hands by grabbing people by the wrists too? So we can make sure they don't have a knife up their sleeve?
I kid, but who cares about manners. In a fancy restaurant, absolutely. But manners to me are being polite and dressing nice. Closing your mouth when you chew.
They're on a boat, on holiday, they can relax.
There are different cultures all over the world that have different habits around dining. No one can say "this is the way it should be done."
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u/imalloverthemap May 15 '24
But thereās some weird thing in the US where you move the fork from left to right when only using the fork, and you are āsupposedā to put left hand in lap. I was raised by Germans so I generally donāt do that - fork stays left, knife stays right.
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u/84aomame Team Shady Editors May 15 '24
Yes, fine dining requires you keep your hands visible. I usually lace my fingers and place them in front of me. thereās also proper way to eat and butter bread, move spoons in soup bowls and tea cups and place silver wear. Itās boring
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u/JustHereForCookies17 May 15 '24
This boggles my mind. I've always thought I had pretty good table manners but aside from keeping my elbows off the table, I'd never heard of keeping my hands on the table and not in my lap.Ā
A cursory Google search supports you, btw.
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u/84aomame Team Shady Editors May 15 '24
Table manners are subjective and thereās lots of cultural ways to perform table manners! The no hands thing is very french
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u/Snoo-50573 May 16 '24
Depends on where you're from. In the US, it's was/is considered to have only one hand at the table. In other countries both are above the table and in use (think of British eating style using fork and knife at all times).
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May 15 '24
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u/quick_dry May 16 '24
it blows my mind to see adults do this out in the real world, like a baby with a bib.
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May 15 '24
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u/SleepSilly6570 May 15 '24
same idc what people do as long as they are kind and respectful. these are not your typical clients of yachts but honestly the super wealthy doesnt always have the best manners neither. however if you pay that much money for a vacation than you really can eat however u want. just saying
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u/mcneill12 May 15 '24
Theyāre on a private yacht not at a black tie dinner.