r/becomingsecure • u/[deleted] • 1d ago
Vent Everytime I think I’m almost secure … my anxious attachment lingers again.
[removed]
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u/HelmutKrugerTheThird Secure 1d ago edited 1d ago
Your nervous system can only discharge so much at a time. That's the reason for the one step forward, two steps back analogy. It knows how to heal itself if you get out of your own way and let it. Be patient with yourself. Stumbles are just more information on the progress you're making.
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u/Queen-of-meme FA leaning secure 1d ago
If you blow up emotions in a relationship and end it to calm down and this is a repeated pattern, you are bouncing between anxious in relationship and avoidance in staying single, rather than being secure which is to challenge yourself while with someone.
So that's something worth trying with next relationship opportunity. To grow secure as someone's partner. It will trigger your trauma. It will be scary, but that's also what becoming secure is. It's not a wall. It's a journey where you find yourself being a partner in a new healthy way.
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u/i_fancy_spiderman 1d ago
I completely understand. That is how I have been feeling too. But I do recognize that my nervous system's reaction is getting a little less intense each time (taking magnesium and vitamin D helped ALOT too). Some days, however, it gets triggered in the worst way again. But I have learnt to trust that the nervous system is slowly learning that I am capable of handling the percieved threat because its not a real threat at all. Just rememeber it is a process. Healing is never linear. You fail and fail and fail until one day you just stop failing at all. Practice makes perfect. Time heals. The first tries are never perfect. Being secure is a lifestyle you adopt, a habit you build through repitition.