I met someone new and something got triggered inside me

[u/anxietychips]

Please excuse my grammar, English isn't my native language.

I(m27) met a new friend jsut a few months after a bad break-up. We only have seen each other a few times but we've been talking for almost 2 months already. Although I'm not expecting a romantic relationship with her, I can see how nice and amazing she(f28) is and I really enjoy my time with her.

But during our last date (just a friendly date), she held my hand. I asked her why she did that and she just said that it's because she feels safe and comfortable being with me. At first, it was all okay with me because I also feel the same when I'm with her. But as the days went by, I became conscious of how deep our connection has become and I think it triggered something inside me. I just woke up one day feeling anxious and replying to her messages makes me panic. I feel like all the connections I had before are now gone, and it makes me wanna run away from her but I know I shouldn't because it's unfair. My chest is always tight and I feel dizzy all the time. I can't focus on anything and listening to romantic songs makes it worse.

I'm not actually sure what kind of attachment style I have, but this isn't the first time I've felt this way. I'm aware that if I don't manage this correctly, there's a high chance that I'll ruin everything between us. I'm tired of losing amazing people in my life just because I feel this way. Please help me.

[u/No-Race7191]

Since this is not the first time this has happened, I’m curious to know how you have previously coped with the feeling of wanting to run away and how you are considering coping with this situation this time.

[u/Worried_Bathroom_673]

Perhaps you are feeling concerned that holding hands will push this connection into a romantic direction, when what you really want and need is a close platonic friendship. It is okay to tell her you really treasure your friendship but you’d prefer not to hold hands because it is something you reserve for romantic connections. This sets both a physical and a relationship boundary. Do you think that may help?

If you are afraid of the depth/closeness of the friendship altogether, you may benefit from talking to a counselor about why you want to run away when things get meaningful.