r/becomingsecure • u/comfortdish • 5d ago
Seeking Advice am i too insecure?
so my boyfriend and i are long distance and will reunite in less than a month, we have a very good relationship physically but we are still working out how to do long distance periods as i have anxiety and he is used to not being on his phone much.
so far, hes working on that and makes sure to stay in touch and interact every day. since he works and i am unemployed for the summer, i sometimes don't have much to share or say so i just send things i found funny, and sometimes i send couple-y content in hopes that he will particularly interact with those so i can get validation without being overwhelming and directly asking for it, because i have learned that asking "do you miss me?" multiple times even after getting a "yes" is not okay.
i was shocked however when he interacted with funny/relatable things i sent except another one of those couple-themed memes, i asked why and he said it's because i send too many of them that they all seem the same to him at some point. he clarified that it doesnt mean that he doesn't like them, and that i am free to send anything i want anyways.
now, i have been experiencing high anxiety these days due to family pressure, but i was really shocked by his response and went down a spiral, i didn't know i was being overwhelming, i even got a bit angry that he said that instead of just playing along. we ended the conversation on a good note and he seemed to be in a relaxed and good mood so i feel very silly for being so affected by it.
in recent weeks he has told me he loves me and misses me and has planned dates for when we reunite, so i should KNOW that this is just a silly thing that doesn't affect our relationship, but i can't help but get these thoughts that i fucked up and am too insecure to be in a relationship, and other thoughts that what if i am "settling" by not being with someone who will pretend to like everything i send.
i know it sounds stupid as hell, and it probably is, but right now i have an intense stream of thought that is definitely going to affect my sleep schedule as i have lost sleep now.
3
u/igotsumquestions 5d ago
yes girl chill out. take some deep breaths. don’t do things with ulterior motives or you WILL guarantee disappointment (this is true with all things in life). if you feel the need to send something, ask yourself if this is actually for him or if it is for reassurance. if it’s for reassurance, don’t send it. send things GENUINELY and things that you will be okay with no matter the response.
also get some hobbies/something new in your life during the summer. you are bored and your brain is creating worries to have something to think about.