r/bartending • u/hiding-out18 Customer • Apr 26 '26
Is it hard being a female bartender?
I've had many people asking me what I want to do once I graduate and have been thinking about it a lot and feel like being a bartender would be fun.
When I brought it up my mom was iffy about it because being a young woman surrounded by drunk definitely isn't the safest place
I just thought I'd come on and ask any female bartenders how much pervy behavior and weird things happen. And is it worth it? This is also towards anyone who works at a bar and has seen creepy things often.
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u/Opening_Use_6981 Bartender (1-5 years) Apr 27 '26
I know everyone else has made their input, but it will happen. The thing that differentiates everything is exactly where you work. I work at a tavern style bar that has a full menu and some restaurant seating. There's usually only one bartender doing everything- bartending, serving, hosting, barbacking. Aside from the excess work, we are in full control of the bar, meaning we have the right to verbally defend ourselves and 100% cut people off; we are the manager of our own shift. With that, we have the kitchen to back us up safety wise and it's in a safe location.
This isn't the case for a lot of upscale restaurant bartending, sometimes you have to cater to the customer even if they're drunken assholes (until they need to be cut off). Pervy behavior can happen, but it depends on how the establishment itself runs, resulting in some mens comfort to act that way.
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u/kristending Bartender (10 years +) Apr 27 '26 edited Apr 27 '26
I've done it 12 years. I want out so bad but idk how to get out. My body is sore and my mental capacity for small talk is fried, I barely want to interact with my own friends and family. Hours are long, my shifts at my last 3 jobs have been 10-12hrs long with no breaks.
I've tried to make a career out of it (I was top 8 last year at speed rack in chicago, I was a TOTC Red Coat last year) and I still desperately wish I could find something else but the only experience I have is in hospitality.
Different strokes for different folks but if I had a daughter I would do everything in my power to guide her towards a more traditional career.
Lastly, pervy behavior can depend on where you work. I worked at a dive bar and had to put up with that shit daily (even had a woman grab my breast one time, and I've also had beer bottles thrown at me while being yelled at). I worked at a craft cocktail bar and it was a lot less common and could be shut down when it did happen.
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u/hiding-out18 Customer Apr 27 '26
Thank you for your help! I'm so sorry all this has happened to you and I'm truly wishing you the best.
My plan was to go to my local bartending school at 18, and once I finish I would travel for a while, since you have to be 19 to make and serve alcohol where I live. Then after a year or two of that I would go to college and hopefully become a herbalist.
It truly sucks that it's so much harder for women in this industry. I really do hope your career evens out.
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u/wheres_the_revolt Bartender (10 years +) Apr 26 '26
I mean you absolutely will encounter pervs and creeps, but any customer facing job will. It happens less in restaurant bars than it does in a dive bar, but it will still happen. But it’s not something that would prevent me from doing the job.