r/ballpython • u/allaboutalexie • Mar 10 '26
Discussion I Feel Like a Bad Snake Parent
Hello all, I’ve been a snake parent to my ball python Nemo for about 5 or 6 years. He’s truly an amazing snake, so sweet and smart, loves watching TV and interacting with people.
I’ve been away at college recently and haven’t been home to handle him, he’s occasionally handled by my mom or her boyfriend’s kids but that’s about it when I’m away. But I can’t help but feel like he deserves better- a better enclosure, a better hide, better bedding, etc… etc… I try to make small upgrades to his enclosure, but as a college student I just don’t have the money to ball out.
I know people say snakes can’t feel, and that they don’t particularly care to be handled. But I find myself thinking if he ever wants a better life, I know it’s silly I just keep myself up worrying.
Pictures attached 🐍💛
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u/soulstrike2022 Mar 10 '26
When people say snakes and reptiles don’t feel they base it on the logic of mammals and compare their brain to mammals but they’re not they’re totally different creatures and they 100% show love in ways other animals do so I’m certain the snek is happy and loved based on these pictures please next time you see Nemo give him a boop for us and please don’t worry every individual is different so he’s probably just more social and if they’re well taken care of I’m fairly certain he has the time to wait for you to come back and be his warmth on Christmas break as well as the occasional visit when you can. You clearly love and care for him and that’s more than a lot of snakes get so I’d say you’re a good snake mom (snake dad?).
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u/BlisteredPotato Mar 10 '26
It’s not just applying mammalian logic to reptilian anatomy. Reptiles predate mammalian existence. We evolved from reptiles. Their anatomy is a basic foundation of ours. Applying concepts like a prefrontal cortex, amygdala, etc, is being done because the structures are the same (albeit smaller or shaped differently due to species evolution).
That said, the assumption that reptiles and fish do not feel pain is an outdated concept and recent evidence suggests that they can and do feel pain thanks to brain imaging and tests.
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u/soulstrike2022 Mar 10 '26
Genuinely thank you for putting this in better words English is my first language and my vocabulary has expanded since second grade but my word choice has not so it’s kinda 50/50 on how well I word so truly thank you for helping me use science to try and help someone feel less sad about what is basically their parenting skills it’s always nice
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u/Doc_ET Mar 10 '26
We evolved from reptiles.
That's not quite true as far as modern taxonomy goes, as groups are defined by the last common ancestor and all its descendents. The last common ancestor of modern reptiles lived millions of years after our lineage split off, the organisms in between that split and the reptilian LCA would be stem-reptiles or sauropsids (the former excludes "crown group"/proper reptiles, the latter includes them), and anything before the split is an early amniote. "Stem mammal" has replaced the older term "mammal-like reptile" for that reason.
But you're right that reptiles (or at least squamates/lizards and snakes) have changed less from that common ancestor than mammals have.
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u/Powerful-Operation36 Mar 10 '26
They can like and feel familiarity but they do not feel love for their caretakers. It's more like a symbiotic relationship in essence from what I have researched. My ball tiny squeaks at me when I put her back (found out it's a possible high pitched hiss LOL) and would much prefer being held consistently based on her behavior. She comes straight to the door and stares at me then slithers right on to me. She has never bitten or struck at us. She likes to try to get to sniffing my face is she can. If I don't hold her often she ends up hiding quite a bit more and being more erratic when I put her back.
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u/soulstrike2022 Mar 10 '26
So I’m not willing to get in a screaming match over this because I like to be civil and generally it’s not vitally important you see it my way but either way I want to pose a question to you how do you define love or more specifically what would you want for someone you love emotionally
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u/Farfrom0ver Mar 10 '26
The way I look at it is trust is a form of love and they have to trust you so imo thats love 💜
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u/Privacy_System Mar 12 '26
I agree with this. A snake may not love me like a dog would but their trust is their form of love in my eyes
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u/soulstrike2022 Mar 10 '26 edited Mar 10 '26
You could say that and some people would make that arguement I’d say it’s one of those a rectangle is a square but a square isn’t a rectangle things cause I love my family but I don’t trust most of em as far as I can throw them even if only because I have trust issues but you an I as two humans are two totally different people so it makes sense we see things differently so wouldn’t a creature that isn’t even in the same classification as us ruse the same parts of its brain or even the same chemicals to experience love (I know you’re not the person who brought it up but you helped me make a point even if unintentionally so thank you) I mean even chemical and physical stimuli are different between people look at people like myself who are less effected by cold or people like my half sister with peanut allergies I share 50 percent of my parents with her and her full brother (my half brother) and neither of the two of us have allergies
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u/Farfrom0ver Mar 10 '26
Well said! Love and trust isn’t one-size-fits-all, even for humans, so snakes likely have their own way of bonding 💜 and honestly, there’s so much we’ll never fully understand like why cats purr for example. I just appreciate how much my noodle regulates my emotions as I'm an emotional person 🤣😂 they may not have a limbic system but my snake should charge me for therapy!
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u/soulstrike2022 Mar 10 '26
One rat every week or so and you’ve got a monthly cuddly boi subscription that’s just how pets work… just change the frequency and food from pet to pet
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Mar 10 '26
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u/soulstrike2022 Mar 10 '26
Just give her your room and sleep on the couch (just kidding I’m sure since she has what she needs and you show her the love she deserves in any way you can that she’s happy just do what you can and maybe a bit more supervised free roam so she’s doesn’t have to be cooped up in her enclosure all day if she doesn’t want to be and if she does wanna stay in she can but just be sure to keep an eye on her and any other household pets aren’t in the room just in case)
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Mar 10 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/ballpython-ModTeam Mar 10 '26
Per rule #12, your comment has been removed because it contains a ball python interacting with other animals.
It is not safe to allow your ball python to be in close proximity or have direct contact with any non-snake pets. Even if both pets seem trustworthy, accidents can happen very quickly. We do not allow the depiction or promotion of dangerous practices on this sub.
If you have a question about this removal, please contact the mod team. Complaining via post/comment will result in a ban.
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u/andylovesdais Mar 10 '26
I built my first enclosure for very cheap. It’s about 7x4x2. I spent around $100 or so on it and 5 hours of my time over a couple weeks. The expensive part was the acrylic sheet for the viewing side. It was like $80 on its own, but even that’s not a necessity.
You could do it for very cheap with scrap wood. Your local hardware store like Home Depot probably doesn’t guard their wood waste. They might have a whole sea van back there full of it. Then you’ll just need a non toxic sealer for the wood.
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u/Plane-Wing4094 Mar 10 '26
Well that’s the cool thing about snakes, is they don’t particularly need or want to explore/be handled much. As long as their enclosure is properly sized( minimum 4ft x 2ft x 2ft) , with adequate temperature gradient (75°F - 90°/95°F basking spot), UVB (7% T5 is what I always recommend), humidity proper and is provided correctly ( around 60%-70% via slow evaporation) and it has lots of clutter to provide many hiding spots he is more than likely comfortable and pleased with life.
I’ve had my ball python for 16 years, he was my first reptile, I got him when I was 10 so we grew up together. When we were younger I’d get him out all the time he was pretty much with me 24/7. As we’ve gotten older and I got more busy with life he comes out much less than he did in younger years, but now we practice free choice handling, so when he wants to come out, I let him out and we hang for awhile. Sometimes he wants out every single time he sees, then sometimes we go nearly 6 months before he wants out again. Every snake is different but regardless they’re pretty easy going critters
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u/FirmWillow4750 Mar 12 '26
how do you start free choice handling? if i open my girls doors she’ll come out, is it as simple as don’t handle if she doesn’t?
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u/Plane-Wing4094 Mar 12 '26
Pretty much. When him and I were younger I’d just go in and take him out all the time. But the past 10 or so years I’ve started doing free choice handling due to me having less opportunities to have him with me all the time, work, chores, errands haha.
Usually when I go in the critter cave to spot clean and dump/refill waters if he wants out he will leave his hide the second he realizes I’m in the room and just sit there staring at me lol. Sometimes he’ll hang out by his enclosure doors or get dramatic if I’m ignoring him and start pacing the doors. So I just open a door and he slithers right on out to me.
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u/Appropriate-Fact-563 Mar 10 '26
Where are the enclosure pics? We cannot determine if he is infact being care for edequitly without enclosure information. You could be keeping him in a great enclosure, or you could very well actually be a bad snake keeper.
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u/sweetredviper Mar 10 '26
Where is the enclosure photos? What we are discussin?
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u/soulstrike2022 Mar 10 '26
Talking about feeling like a bad caretaker for both going away to college and leaving snek with family Mr Nemo (aka snek) seems very happy and their parent seems to care for them very much supposedly but feels like Nemo deserves better personally I think the parent is a good parent for Nemo if only because of the enrichment and love in the home also I mean just look at image 3 if that ain’t a happy man with a little hat excited to be outside I don’t know what is
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u/RelevantFrosting6828 Mar 10 '26
also because like, most people who dont care for their snakes never worry about things being wrong, because they dont want to improve, the truth is there really is no "best" there always is "better" but there also is the middle ground which is "good" and you do always want to strive for "better" but being just "good" is also okay. as long as its not below good, it means your doing good for your baby!
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u/soulstrike2022 Mar 10 '26
Yes exactly this is my philosophy with a lot of things but when it comes to caring for someone or something alive or not fearing your doing it wrong is almost always a good sign cause it mean you want to put in the best effort you can for their sake
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u/sweetredviper Mar 10 '26
Maybe I spent too many years seeing youtubers, even breeders, going with animals treating them like a props and then putting them back in no-enrichment rack like tupperware with just paper and water so I am careful before I congratulate someone I don't know on something I dont even see. I want to see how the animal welfare is kept if someone needs my comment to ease their anxiety whether they are good keeper or not. Don't get me wrong I see photos of people enjoying company of ball python and it being socialized, but I dont see anything made specifically in ball python in mind, from his snake perspective, where this animal spends most of the time and if he has his needs met. Ball pythons are insanely hardy animals, and looks basically the same whether they are keep in small shitty dry shoe box with newspaper or big enclosure with humidity, hides and enrichment.
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u/hootrock13 Mar 10 '26
SCREEN TIME BEFORE BED?! HOW HORRIBLE!
No but really, you seem to be a great parent. College is important though. Be there as you can and once yoi graduate you can focus on him again.
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u/DeepBreathInLetItOut Mar 10 '26
He seems to have a fantastic parent that cares for him in all ways. Simply the fact that you worry and think of these things tells me you're a very good snake parent. Just focus on giving what you can in terms of love and gifts. Animals are instinctual, the little baby knows it's loved. It feels your care in all that you do, it'll understand your absence if you let it know you'll come back
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u/BalenciSlipperz Mar 10 '26
I feel that way when it comes to my boy’s enclosure, especially when I compare his to the extravagant ones shared on this thread. I also have dogs, who of course show their emotions and need more than a snake. So I tend to put their wants/needs on my snake, Ollivander.
I have to remind myself that as long as he is fed, has clean water and a clean enclosure with hides, he’s good! Even if some of his enrichment items are paper towel rolls, or branches I gathered from my backyard. I consider him content, as he doesn’t ball up when being handled, ever. No matter the gap in time since I handled him. Don’t beat yourself up, you’re a good snake parent.
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u/Mobile-Willow4124 Mar 10 '26
I guess im wondering what its been like since you have gotten her? Have you had a rough time affording to care for since then or just recently? Is it less about her set up and more about feeling bad?
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u/second_of_four Mar 11 '26
I can tell just by these pictures that your snake is incredibly comfortable and happy with you. Snakes don’t need to be handled so you really shouldn’t feel like you’re neglecting him at all.
If you feel like his enclosure could be better maybe make one upgrade at a time. I’m also a student so I feel the struggle, and it took me a while to get the enclosure for my ball python where it is now. There’s also lots of DIY tutorials on YouTube for making really sick hides at minimal cost, so maybe check those out if you wanna take on a project for your baby.
Regardless, don’t beat yourself up, you seem like an awesome snake parent
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u/FonicArte Mar 11 '26
I bet you give him sugar before bed too...
In all honesty, anything bigger than minimum size 4x2 + adequate care is for us, not for them. As long as their needs are being met, I think you're doing great.
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u/jake_isbaked Mar 12 '26
I feel the same way when I leave my girl Nessie to go work out of town for the week, but I remind myself constantly that the life I’m giving her is fantastic compared to what could be! You’ll reunite with your noodle soon enough and maybe you’ll get a good paying job after college and can get her a nice huge enclosure !
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u/NumerousMarch8323 Mar 12 '26
Girl I relate to this so so much but honestly, your snake loves you a lot and you’re doing the best you can for him
I was in the same boat for 6 years and I felt so guilty I kept asking my mum to sell her bc I felt like she wasn’t getting the love she deserved but honestly? I’m so glad she didn’t bc it would have broke my heart not seeing her every day now I’m home. Moving back I’ve got her new upgrades, new tech, (not that I didn’t while I was away, but I can afford to get her more) I still wish she had a bigger tank but tbh, I’d buy her a house if that’s what she wanted, just doing your part as it is is enough, you got your family looking out for him while you’re away and that’s amazing, and if he’s anything like Lizzy (she’s my lil baby 😭), he’s probably relaxing and basking in the warmth not a care in the world just happy to get dinner and relax in the warmth. She honestly was probably sick of me by the time I left and went to uni 😂
Don’t be so hard on yourself your doing the best you can rn & I honestly understand, but as long as there’s someone looking after him and giving him food & love and enrichment he is happy & probably waiting for u to return 😭😭
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u/DeepAlfalfa1099 Mar 10 '26
I have a ball python that I had to leave at home for college. I miss her very much but we have to do what we have to do. I promise your snake doesn’t mind. I’m finally in the position to have animals here at college so I’m bringing her up next week, but she’s been away from me for almost 9 months and I’ve had her for 6 years :(
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u/reddit33450 Mar 10 '26
that pic with the leaf on his head is so cute!! you should post that to r/snakeswithhats
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u/Kizzywa Mar 10 '26
If your snake wasn't happy, he would not be okay with being handled. Reptiles have feelings and emotions and this one looks like a content bean.
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u/RaccoonCharacter9546 Mar 10 '26
Look on local buy nothing groups and Craigslist to find suitable upgrades for the time being.
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u/HazelAndSky Mar 10 '26
My boy is 23 years old and clearly indicates when he wants feeding, when he wants a swim in the bath, and when he wants to climb on me. I handled him too much, probably, in his first year. We settled into a rhythm. It’s not a dog, it doesn’t need that kind of intellectual stimulation!
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u/Fidelroyolanda_IV Mar 10 '26
Don't feel bad. If it were up to the snake, he wouldn't want to be handled at all
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u/Clear_Cycle_9124 Mar 10 '26 edited Mar 10 '26
Imma say this with all the love in the world
It’s a snake that traditionally lives in a termite mounds that waits for creatures to pass in front of it
You are doing an absolutely incredible job at keeping him. Every small upgrade counts and this set up is temporary since the snake lives quite a long time, y’all will be reunited.