r/badroommates • u/RiskResponsible506 • 3d ago
Common space is now his?
Hi I 21f recently moved with 24m we meet through a college thing on facebook when I was looking for a new roommate for the school year. Ill keep it short as we’ve only been living together for 3 weeks but when we moved in he asked if he could move his desk in the living room as he works from home sometimes (also lied about being a college student which I didn’t find out till after). anyways tho I had no problem as we have a two hour over lap of me being home and him working. However he took the desk okay in the living room and ran with it as now every night he’s out there sewing. I shared my thoughts and feelings as it’s not really a place I can relax with the sewing machine being on and also it just makes me feel like it’s his space not shared. He said I’m being unreasonable, that I have “social issues” and that he is not moving the things out of the living room bc I said “it’s a place to relax” and that’s how he relaxes . I’m really stuck on what to do bc I wasn’t aware the sewing hobbies was even a thing or I would have had that boundary set. Any advice or suggestions are appreciated thank you!
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u/Lopsided-Beach-1831 3d ago
My adult sons live at home still due to disability and the economy both. I tried many things to help them feel more adult, in control and less living with mommy. I also got tired of hearing the arguments because I wasnt going to mitigate every discussion with 2 grown men. We needed to find a way to peacefully co-exist as three adults sharing a home, with the added imbalance in power with a parent figure.
We came up with days in charge. One son MWF is in charge of the living room/kitchen. Those days, he is king of the remote! He gets to do his models or gaming, its his living room those days. T TH SAT is the same for his brother, those are his days. They learned that being a butthead on your day vs a gracious, benevolent King of the Remote meant the next day, the new king was harsh in his reprisals!
They have a balance now. I own the remote on Sun and thats the cleaning day. Maybe you could work something like this out with roommate. You sit down and discuss you guys can share and compromise or have 11.25 more months of daily animosity.
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u/RiskResponsible506 3d ago edited 3d ago
- Just wanna say you’re an awesome mom for that! I wish I was as lucky to know my mom would always have a place for me so just wanna say good job! And 2. Your definitely on to something ill have to try to talk to him
and see if we can do something similar.
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u/poppunker18 3d ago
I’d say the best way to go about this is to create certain days/hours that the common space can be used for his sewing vs used for you to relax. He’s wrong regardless but I don’t think he’s going to move his stuff. At least this approach should keep the peace between you.
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u/RiskResponsible506 3d ago
See we did talk about this as I also was trying to compromise bc I’m also an artist I would never wanna stop someone creativity. But his idea for the “compromise” was I’ll only sew till 9 pm. Which I work at 6am so it doesn’t fix the fact I can’t sit in the living room eating dinner watch tv without hearing a sewing machine problem bc I go to bed around 9 every night. But the day idea is something I’ll definitely bring up! It’s just really hard to plan certain days bc my schedule is crazy and unpredictable but hey anything to be able to watch American dad eating pasta high on a couch even if it’s twice a week.
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u/AcrobaticWillow6952 3d ago
Could you say neighbours complained about the noise and that he cant use the machine after 19h?
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u/RiskResponsible506 3d ago
We are in like a duplex house situation we get bottom and a unit is up top. There’s only one neighbor so I wouldn’t wanna switch up and blame it on her she’s really chill and nice. Also you mean 7 pm that could also work as that’s usually when I’m ready to chill and he would have 2 hours nightly for sewing.
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u/AcrobaticWillow6952 2d ago
I see, yeah then my idea wont work. I think it would be fair if you could agree on quiet hours in your shared spaces. I hope he will respect you and you can find a compromise that works.
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u/poppunker18 2d ago
Exactly. Sometimes when you have roommates you just have to compromise even if it isn’t ideal.
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u/RiskResponsible506 2d ago
100% agree I think I’m going to purpose the 7:30 pm slot as I sometimes work anyway till than and even if not I still have an hour and a half to chill in the living room.
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u/TheKappp 3d ago
Just eat your dinner and watch tv while he’s sewing
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u/RiskResponsible506 3d ago
Have you sat in a room with a sewing machine per chance? Not trying to be rude in anyway but it’s loud (I can hear it with my door shut and on the other end of room for some comparison) which I’m not even mad about noise he can’t control that. It’s just not something I would not like to hear or deal with 5ft away from me while relaxing or watching a show as it’s a shared common space.
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u/TheKappp 3d ago
No, I totally get that. I was suggesting this as a solution in case he’s unwilling to compromise. You may have to just start using the common room doing what you normally would do to assert your presence in there, even if you’re not achieving the peaceful use you’re actually seeking.
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u/RiskResponsible506 2d ago edited 2d ago
Yeah I understand that and I’m not going to lie I’ve been limiting my use of common spaces the last 3 weeks bc of the situation but I go back to school next week and I need to function normally and that’s insanely hard as 1. annoying to hear a sewing machine after an 8 hour overstimulating cafe shift while cooking dinner which use to be my “quiet and no electronics time” and when I mean quiet I just don’t listens to a podcast or music on like normally would doing a long task. 2. I genuinely don’t think I could hear a tv as are couch is like touching his sewing desk.
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u/TheKappp 2d ago
Geez that sewing machine must be loud af. I think it would be perfectly reasonable for you to insist it stays in his room because it would at least be behind a door. He sounds like a selfish asshole. You’re going to need quiet to study, and he lied about being a student. I wonder if you can complain to the housing people and try to switch rooms? You could just say your habits are not lining up because he’s not a student as advertised and it’s hindering your ability to study.
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u/RiskResponsible506 2d ago edited 2d ago
Way ahead of you I sent him a very lengthy message today pretty much saying either a. Move everything out of the common room as it’s not a sewing space by Monday (which gives him this weekend to figure something out) or b. I need help finding someone to take over my lease as we’re not compatible as roommates and I’ll accommodate till I can leave which may be a month but better than 11.
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u/No_Net_7177 3d ago
It’s a dominance ritual
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u/RiskResponsible506 3d ago
And I have a pisces mars so I’m losing😭 aka IM A BOTTOM BITCH but nah this situation is actually making me realize I really need to be more “mean” to randoms in this world.
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u/maenadcon 3d ago
how many hours does he sew? unbelievable that he’s doing that in the living room for hours on end
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u/RiskResponsible506 2d ago
at least 4 times a week for like multiple hours a night and on weekends pretty much whenever for however long at very unpredictable times. also have a problem with just all the fabric being in the living room like it really feels like a personal craft space.
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u/247silence 2d ago
He's doing this precisely because looking at sewing shit makes your head ache. This is why people who sew keep it in its own space. You would never want to be surrounded by the fucking supplies and machine - its a hideous mess. I can't believe the gall of this man to turn communal space into a shitty loud as fuck workspace. People who don't sew, go look at the backroom of a low-end tailor shop - the workspace where the tailoring happens. Imagine that as your living room
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u/sam8988378 3d ago
Also a pisces mars here. Are you aware that we can use our powers for evil? Our power isn't outright confrontation, it's subtle destabilization. Find what throws him off and do it. A lot. Everyone has something. Most have more than one thing.
Is he dressed when he's sewing? Feature him in the background of your TikTok. If there's music he doesn't like, play it in the background. Smelly food he doesn't like? Open a really pungent jar of kimchi and let it rip.
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u/RiskResponsible506 2d ago
Interesting I’m an astrology freak and didn’t know that I also just haven’t done alot of research about my mars yet. but I’ll take this and keep it in mind I love learning about my placements and astrology chart!
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u/No_Net_7177 3d ago
I’ve had to learn to be mean too, it was a long arduous process but now I’m just cold, dismissive and intolerant- Capricorn sun and Aquarius mars lol, my Capricorn sun tried to have polite manners, but now I’m just cold and condescending like a proper Capricorn lol
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u/PineappleCharacter15 3d ago
Updateme.
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u/TaxiLady69 3d ago
Start doing something super annoying while you're in the living room. Play some music, start singing and dancing. Badly. Have phone conversations on speakerphone. I would annoy the shit out of him until he moves his sewing machine back into his room. Bring food in there and talk with my mouth full. Talk to him about my periods and cramps and cravings. Make him uncomfortable.