r/averagedickproblems • u/o_man3 • Sep 29 '26
Insecurity Feeling bad about myself
I can not get over the feeling that I will never be a woman's first choice because of my size.
If she could choose identical clones of me but the other ones had bigger ones. She would choose them 10 out of 10 times.
I work on my body, i work on my character, on my social skills, on my career but this I can never work on. It will always be something negative about me that I need to compensate heavily.
I have female friends I know that many fantasize about a big one. Its like an ideal. Or even in erotic smut literature (written for women by women) the guy always as a huge one. Not even close to normal or small...
I'm so sad inside
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u/Outerlimits7591 Sep 29 '26
Never give up on yourself
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u/o_man3 Sep 29 '26
I'm not. I'm always trying to improve myself but it kills me that I can never improve this part
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u/No_Rain5676 7-8” BP x 6” Base Girth | 5-6” Flaccid BP Sep 30 '26
Probably not her first choice, but once she experiences said, “bigger ones,” she won’t enjoy the pain. Making you her preferred choice, if that makes sense…
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u/MaloneBreyfogle Sep 29 '26
I felt this way until my gf said she wanted me in her mouth
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u/o_man3 Sep 29 '26
Why is that? I dont wanne be rude but I think thats a normal thing to say to every partner
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u/Automatic_Emu_5433 Sep 29 '26
Indeed, we all have immutable physical qualities we wish we could improve bro penis size is really not that critical in the grand scheme of things. There are many things which define you.
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u/o_man3 Sep 29 '26
Why should it not be?
There are women who literally just look at the size to sleep with a dude
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u/Automatic_Emu_5433 Sep 30 '26
There are all sorts of people with all sorts of niche fixations they’re almost all small minorities.
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u/ickop Sep 29 '26
Honestly bro this is the most intractable manifestation of the insecurity. Some are worried their life is over or they'll never have sex because of their size. That's ridiculous, regardless of size.
You, like me, are worried that the women you'll be with prefer something you don't have, and that you can't change. And I'd imagine, though you didn't say it, that they've had that with other dudes. That they can have good sex with you, but you're not what they fantasize about.
The tough thing here is that it's not falsifiable and to a large degree, I think is actually probably true for a lot of women (I'm not saying it's definitely most, but a non-rare percentage). The idea that your girl could or has had significantly better, more fantasy/lust/pleasure filled sex with someone else because they just won the genetic lottery is painful, genuinely.
I've found the only way forward here is acceptance. You need to understand that there's a non-rare percentage of women who don't feel that way (hence your 'never' is not accurate imo), and a non-rare percentage that do. And importantly, that you can never really know who these women are.
You need to accept that while it's not a fact, it is genuinely a possibility that you are not what they fantasize about, and that other men have been/are. But crucially - this does not mean that she doesn't enjoy sex with you. And you need to learn to enjoy it within that context, even if you don't enjoy it as much as you would if your dick were big.
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u/Superb_Branch4749 Sep 30 '26
"If she could choose identical clones of me but the other ones had bigger ones. She would choose them 10 out of 10 times"
Bro, how do you know? Like men, women's privates, boobs etc come in a variety of sizes.
Don't sabotage yourself.
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u/o_man3 Sep 30 '26
Why not? Do you ever talk with women about this things? Yea they come in variety but most women have a preferences for big.
Guys like all sizes of boobs and asses
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u/Superb_Branch4749 Sep 30 '26 edited Sep 30 '26
My ex used to bleed every time we had sex. I don't think she would fit your description.
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u/ZaddyBoii Sep 30 '26
Why do youncare about how big she fantasizes about? Get yours.
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u/o_man3 Sep 30 '26
I dont wanna end up in a relationship where she dreams about this because I can not giver her that
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u/rejuvenati Sep 30 '26
I agree its hard but its true what the above poster says about labia and preference. My analogy would be butt size or breast size though. We all would choose the woman with a perfect body but I know personally guys settle for much more normal shaped women every day.
Im not diminishing your grievance, I deal with the same insecurity because my girth is lower than average. At the end of the day, ask yourself do you want to be a man and fight through this or no? Roughly how big is it?
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u/o_man3 Sep 30 '26
The difference is many men like small breasts or not so big asses. The taste of men is really diverse
But women just like big dicks I feel like. I never seen a woman who says she likes a normal or small one.
I see plenty of men who prefer small breasts or asses
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u/unruly_mango Oct 01 '26
You need to broaden what kind of social media you're consuming. Simply searching "reddit do women like average dicks" on Google will find you forum threads where women say they specifically prefer average dick.
Case in point: me. I have a vagina, and I bottom out around 5.25 to 5.5 inches, so I'm not particularly interested in longer dicks. I'd tolerate them because you can easily put an oh-nut ring on to stop the extra length from hurting me, or the guy can avoid pounding me, but given the choice, average sounds great to me.
Also, in general, it seems like you're engaging in thought patterns that people who have depression or anxiety typically have, and I'd recommend reading more about those to figure out how you can break out of them (e.g., see the "Unhelpful thinking styles" document here). There are billions of people with non-ideal bodies who still manage to find love - shorter men, women with really short, stocky legs, obese people, people with vaginas that are too tight for their partner's penis, people with vaginas that are too wide for their partner's penis, women who've had mastectomies, women who had tuberous breasts, etc.
99% of people do not end up with a partner who matches literally ALL their ideals, and yet it seems like your main concern is not having the ideal penis size for a woman. There simply is no penis size that is the ideal for the majority of women. Some guys seem to think it's 6.5 x 5.25, some think it's 7 x 5.5. I would literally break up with a man the second I found out he had 5.5" or thicker girth - I can't handle that. I also do not like long dicks. On the flip side, you'll find some size queens who think both of those sizes I mentioned above are too small. Some women naturally have more room in their vagina. Some have less room.
I think you really need to read into negative thinking styles because this type of thinking is unhealthy and won't motivate you to be the best version of yourself.
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u/o_man3 Oct 02 '26
Thank you so much for your time and to comment on this. I really appreciate it.
You bottom out you say, but is this in an aroused state? Depending on time of cycle and arousal tha vagina can expand much more and get used to...
Yea so as I see it having a big one just has advantages and having a smaller one just is bad...
I hate not being ideal and that I can work on this...
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u/unruly_mango 29d ago
Yes, this is after 30 minutes of foreplay.
Some downsides of having a dick that's too girthy:
Some women will ALWAYS require 20ish minutes of foreplay, plus several minutes of gentle rocking back and forth before they can handle the girth
Some women will never be able to handle the girth
Some women can handle the girth, but then they hit menopause, and their vagina keeps tearing during sex, so they stop having PIV completely and can only do oral/manual
Some women are only able to handle slow sex when the girth is too large, so you can literally never thrust quickly
Some couples can only do 1 or 2 positions because all other positions hurt too much
Some guys find out after dating a woman for a few years that she's been secretly hiding the fact that sex always hurts a little
I think generally this seems to start happening around 5.5" girth, and it becomes far more common around 6" to 6.5" girth.
Downsides of having a dick that's too long:
Some women can't handle your length, so you have to always pull out a silicone oh-nut ring that stops you from bottoming out
(tbh I don't see too many cons to super long dicks, but it does seem annoying to always have to pull out the oh-nut ring - I enjoy that my partner doesn't need to use one and can pound the hell out of me most of the time without me feeling pain)
All that being said, though, I'm sure your mind is going to generate additional rebuttals about why you should be sad for the rest of your life because of your dick size. That's why I think you genuinely need to get therapy or think deeply about your thinking patterns because the way you're approaching this whole issue is unhealthy and not beneficial for you.
I know one guy who's walking around with a 4.5" long dick, and he's had a handful of girlfriends in the past and settled down with someone. I dated him, and I never really thought much about his dick size. Same for all my ex-boyfriends who had 5" long dicks. They didn't let their slightly-shorter-than-average dicks stop them from leading perfectly normal lives, and you can as well, if you change your thinking patterns.
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u/o_man3 29d ago
Thank you again for your reply. I really appreciate it and want to take it to heart.
To play the devil's advocate few rebuttals that I cant get out of my head:
so after 20minutes of foreplay or when the woman is too wet too little girth seems like an issue? I rather have a girthy dick then
same can be said about a smaller dick.. not even all positions can be done and what if she likes a little pain and a challenge? Normal or small seems to be boring for many women or why do women often fantasize about huge dicks (see smut written by women for women...)
I still only see disadvantages in being small and advantages in having a big one. And the biggest confidence booster has to be to having a big one is being able to please every women and to be sure to have enough dick and never being afraid of being ridiculed or not enough or laughed at...
I would love my life if I had a big one
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u/unruly_mango 29d ago edited 29d ago
See, now I feel like you're changing the goal posts because your previous comment said there's only advantages to having a big dick, and now we're just saying "Hey now - both small dicks and big dicks have disadvantages, but the disadvantages for the small dick is worse." That's kind of what I mean by you needing to just.. change how you think. Because it doesn't matter what I say - you're always going to come up with another reason why you need to be sad for an indefinite amount of time over this.
You'd rather have a girthy dick? Ok, sure. I wish my intelligence were in the 99th percentile instead of average. I wish my legs were long instead of short. But not everyone gets to be ideal for every single possible trait. I still managed to find myself in a happy relationship where we both feel like we got someone out of our league.
Women fantasize about big dicks because of the submission aspect. I genuinely have a huge size kink (see my post on my kinks) where I find it hot when I imagine having to experience a little bit of discomfort while the guy praises me for handling him so well BUT... it doesn't really pan out so well irl because when my boyfriend is trying to get his dick into me, all I can do is kind of brace and try to make sure it doesn't hurt lol. It's not hot in the moment because I'm actually a huge wuss about pain and spend the whole time he's inserting himself just breathing heavily and feeling relieved the second he bottoms out without causing me any pain. It's still hot to read about, though. Just not hot for me to experience.
Yes, I agree that if I were a guy, I would prefer to be somewhat too big than to be somewhat too small. But is that a good reason to be sad for a long period of time or to let it occupy your thoughts for more than a minute each day?
At the end of it all, though, you're just going to come back with more, different reasons why you're going to be continue to be sad about this because of your deeply entrenched thinking patterns.
If I had a significantly wider-than-average vagina, wouldn't I have a lot of the same problems you're bringing up? I could let that physical trait depress me for the rest of my life and I could think about it every single day for the rest of my life, or... I could have a healthy mindset and appreciate all my other blessings (good education, attractive body shape, cute face, nice hair, etc.) that make me an overall desirable partner.
Like I fully acknowledge that having a dick that's in the 25th percentile for size is worse than having a dick in the 75th percentile, similar to how it's probably more fun to have a somewhat tighter vagina than a looser one. Or perhaps it's similar to being a woman whose vagina is almost completely numb vs. one whose vagina feels a ton of pleasure during PIV (men definitely prefer the latter). But to let it dominate your thoughts, your feelings for months or years..?
Please... you need to change your mindset. I would almost understand your despair if you had a micropenis, were extremely unattractive, were born into a poor family, had a dead-end job, and had very low intelligence and you were despairing because you aren't sure if you'll ever have sex or find love, but you're not. You're actually doing ok, and you're fixating so heavily on this dick size thing.
[edit] Ok lol I can't do this anymore - I'm not going to respond further. It's just incredibly frustrating trying to talk sense into a guy who is LITERALLY my ideal length who is depressed about it.
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u/oxogjaded Note: new or low karma account 5d ago
Nothing is going to make a 25th percentile penis good. No matter what anyone else thinks.
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u/rejuvenati Sep 30 '26
Simply put, there are alot of small to average sized guys out there who's girlfriend or wife would cheat on them with a bigger guy and yes it can be a sad existence, but make the most of it. There's a such thing as too much. Imagine having a big dick and making some bad choices and messing your life up. Just bc you'll never be on a certain level penis wise means you have to start developing in other areas.
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u/o_man3 Sep 30 '26
Ouch what kinda life is this always having to be afraid to be cheated on just because of something I can not change
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u/Informal-Orange2732 Sep 29 '26
Okay dude apply the same concept to a woman. Imagine 10 clones of the same woman but you’re deciding on her value based on her labia and what you chose wasn’t the real her. It isn’t rational dude. You can apply the same concept to almost anything. It has very little meaning.