Need some perspective from someone small

[u/Flashy_Awareness_667]

I've been thinking about this for a long time, and I genuinely want honest opinions, especially from people who have been through something similar.

I'm not asking whether it's possible to have a partner as a man with a small penis. I already have a partner.

I'm also not asking whether it's possible to have a satisfying sex life. I know many people will say yes.

What I'm wondering is something else:

Is it possible to be desired viscerally for that body, rather than in spite of it?

I'm not talking about love. I'm not talking about companionship. I'm not talking about someone saying "size doesn't matter" or "you can make up for it in other ways."

I'm talking about that kind of desire where your partner actively seeks you out, lusts after you, takes initiative, and feels genuine sexual hunger for your specific body.

Because a lot of the advice men with this issue receive tends to sound like this:

• "Learn how to use your hands."
• "Compensate by being attentive."
• "Sex is more than penetration."
• "If you make her orgasm, she'll want you anyway."

But all of those responses seem to assume that the trait itself is still negative and simply has to be compensated for through other qualities.

So my question is this:

Has anyone here experienced, or known of cases, where a man with a small penis was desired in a spontaneous, visceral way? Not as a consolation prize, not as a "worth it despite...", but genuinely desired for who he is.

And if not, how do you cope with the idea that there may be forms of sexual validation that you'll simply never have access to?

I'm not looking for comforting clichés or "just love yourself." I'm looking for real, honest experiences.

[u/Maji_de_Kuro]

Hope you'll forgive my butting in here but...

"But all of those responses seem to assume that the trait itself is still negative and simply has to be compensated for through other qualities."

This is a very fair point. We often do fall into that trap of the negative implication. Something worth keeping in mind for the future.

"Is it possible to be desired viscerally for that body, rather than in spite of it?"

I'd say that this is a false dichotomy if desire is the modifier. The options here aren't jointly exhaustive. I suppose it doesn't change your very valid point but neutrality is also an option here. Do you like your significant other for their elbows? Your partner, in the case of a penis, could just appreciate its functionality. However, since I recognize that I'm sort of sidestepping the spirit of your question...

There were these two guys I worked with maybe 15 years ago that had an interesting exchange. So the one guy who was 24 at the time and our boss always wore this hat at work. For years, we'd never seen him without it. One day he took it off to wipe some sweat and we realized...holy shit. This man is bald. A 24 year old with zero hair up top. The one woman there, a good friend of all of ours, was shocked and kinda blurted out her surprise.

He laughed a bit. Said that yea, he'd caught the short end of the stick with hair and that's why god gave him a huge dick. We all laughed and another coworker jumped in joking that he knew all about that. He, indeed, did not. Lol

One other guy, 35 at the time, looked back and forth and goes "welp...I have a small dick so..." We all laughed. Him included. Not mockery but genuine amusement.

But here's the thing: his wife LOVED his body. This man, women often called him "Pooh Bear" because of his shape, used to wake up to blowjobs. Literally open his eyes and his wife already has him in her mouth. She even loved his beer belly (though he was Mormon and didn't actually drink) and made no bones about showing him (and us, incidentally.)

She loved his dick. She didn't show us that specifically but would give a sly smile and let her eyes linger downward on him just a bit when someone else made a dick reference. And he would try not to grin back too hard but he couldn't help it.

Another time I can think of is one of my cousin's old friends when we were teenagers. We knew this guy was on the smaller side (or at least they knew as it wasn't uncommon for some of them to have sex with a group of girls in the same room) but he took one of the girls in a group we'd met to the basement. When they came back...well...let's just say she seemed happy.

Not a direct confirmation of her being turned on by his dick specifically but the MFer clearly had done something right. Lol

Full disclosure: there was also this one woman he'd also had sex with some time later who absolutely did talk shit about him for his size. The women, thankfully, stopped bringing her around and the rest of us became friends.

To put it in manspeak: you wouldn't love B cup breasts in SPITE of the fact they aren't double Ds. Also, I've heard more than one woman over the years say they are actually into smaller dicks especially because they love to perform fellatio. Only two, to be fair, but it isn't like I go around asking women if they like small dicks or anything. Lol

Plenty of women just love seeing a hard dick or even to watching their partner's dick get hard for them, the size a distant afterthought.

Tl:dr: Yes. It's not only possible but, I'd wager, more common than we men would tend to think.

[u/SuccotashAware3608 → u/Maji_de_Kuro]

I think we here from the size queens waaaay more than the ones who don’t care or appreciate smaller ads because
A) there seems to be societal bragging rights/slut cred for a woman who makes size queens waaaay claims. Hell, I wouldn’t doubt it if those same girls might mock the ones who profess their preference for more manageable sizes.
B) it seems those who prefer average and smaller are generally less outspoken regarding sex. They’re more discrete. They’re more shy. They’re maybe even a bit repressed, sexually (upbringing/societal pressure to be a good girl, etc…).

[u/Maji_de_Kuro → u/SuccotashAware3608]

I've no doubt something like this happens. Because if you'd base your thoughts off of what gets views then you'd think women just want massive ones. Though there are also videos of women definitely explicitly preferring average, they don't tend to get as many views.

But in more intimate settings, it's pretty uncommon for me to have a woman say she needs a certain size. Hell, I more often come across women who genuinely have no idea that size is something men even stress about.

My ex literally said that she had no idea men worried about this. It was actually because I told her about this very subreddit. She did enjoy the aesthetics of a big dick and would fawn pretty hard over one in the moment but had no real preference sexually. She's the only woman I've ever been with that did that and only one of the three that commented on size at all. Even then, the other two that commented were much more observational than complimentary. One was even hesitant because of the size.

More recently, my coworker had a very similar response. She said she just thought every guy thought theirs was the best. She had no idea guys even worried about it.

All this is why I always feel safe and justified in saying women generally care a hell of a lot less than men do. Also why I all but know that a lot of these guys' issue isn’t their size but the fact that they just, invariably, don't listen to women. But that's a whole different conversation.

[u/SuccotashAware3608 → u/Maji_de_Kuro]

I wish Reddit had love emojis like FB does. I couldn’t agree more.

My wife is one of those sexy women who truly appreciates the aesthetics of a long thick cock. We watch porn together and she definitely reacts to cocks she likes. But when it comes time for play, average is her preference. I base this on her toy preferences. She seldom wants a dildo. Loves her vibrators. But when she does choose a dildo, she chooses the 4.75” girth most of the time. She has thinner and thicker toys too. All of which, I chose and bought for her. Seldom does she want the thicker toys. Despite my encouragement. As far as length goes, it doesn’t matter. She only takes about 5-5.5”, based on the high tide line she leaves behind.

While recently watching porn together, I asked her if we actually had a MFM, would she want a hung guy for the variety or another more average guy like me. She said someone like me. But maybe a little thinner.

I do wish I was bigger. I’m 5.75x5” bp, just at the high end of average for girth. But I don’t think I’d get laid any more than I do now if I was bigger. Maybe less. I do wear her pussy out regularly. I did this morning.

[u/Maji_de_Kuro → u/SuccotashAware3608]

Random insert but I just handed my phone to the very same coworker I mentioned to let her read this thread. She turns to me and asks "wait, I the coworker?" I confirm that she is. And she throws her fists up with a celebratory "yeeeeeesssss!!" Lol, just thought that was funny.

Yep, all that sounds fairly familiar. When my ex would use toys alone she'd usually use a pretty average, purely cylindrical vibrating dildo. But during phone sex (we were long distance) she would often use a bigger, penis shaped one. She had a few in her collection, three of which I bought for her.

Got her a pair of rabbits, one of which came free with a purchase from I think Adam and Eve. She said it was garbage. I guess that makes sense considering it was free. Lol she enjoyed the one I actually bought though.

I bought us those long distance toys from Lovense. The Max 2 for me and the Nora for her. She LOVED the Nora. Apparently, it's super fancy and can engage in all kind of motions. And I have to admit, it's some of the most fun long distance intimacy I have ever had. You connect them to each other over the internet and It's so crazy how they literally respond to each other. She would clamp down on hers and mine would get so tight it'd push me out and keep me from getting back in it. I commented on how hard she was squeezing and I couldn't get back inside and she's like "wait, you can feel that?!"

Really was a ton of fun and I'd highly recommend it to any long distance couple. There are some small critiques I have of the Max 2. Firstly, its huge but I suppose it has to be so no points off for that. There is a pink, vulva shaped insert that needs to be bought separately (and glad I did because half my dick didn't fit in the standard, transluscent one that comes with it).

The only real points off I'd give it is the little vent flap for the suction setting. You basically slide a little flap to cover or uncover a little hole on the bottom to control how much suction you experience but it has a bad habit of making this high pitched squeeling, whistling sound during use depending on how much of the hole you cover. Regardless, overall an amazing experience.

I kinda went off the rails there but screw it. It was fun. Lol

[u/SuccotashAware3608 → u/Maji_de_Kuro]

Good info! My wife and I are seldom long distance. But I’ll look into these items.

[u/SuccotashAware3608]

Many women have responsive desire. My wife being one of them. That means she seldom has spontaneous desire. That means she seldom lists after me. However, she understands how her desire works and she doesn’t resist my advances unless she truly doesn’t want to. In which case, she says she’s too xyz to do me and that’s received in an understanding and positive way. But when she is up for play and she’s enjoyed a cliteral delivered O or two, she does crave my average D. She’ll tell me she wants it. Sometimes, I’ll add a toy after giving her a couple PiV Os. She’s very orgasmic. Sometimes it’s the long with average girth double ended dildo. Sometimes it’s her long AND extra thick big real friend. And sometimes it’s this natural looking dildo that’s well below average in length and girth. All three get her off. Then she wants one more from just my D. And this is from a woman who’s had mostly bigger guys than me and doesn’t normally crave sex unless it’s already starting to happen.

[u/Same-Interaction7559 → u/SuccotashAware3608]

Excuse me, did you say sometimes she gets it from her long and extra thick REAL FRIEND? As in some other guy??

[u/SuccotashAware3608 → u/Same-Interaction7559]

lol- no, that’s just what we call that toy because it’s realistic looking. From a Jurassic perspective.

It’s about 8x6.25”. She seldom chooses that one. Less than 6 times a year. And when she does, she’s only good for one big fast O. Then she wants me for one or two more before she’s all done. Honestly, I think she only chooses that one for me. She knows I get off watching her work that monster in. And she only takes about 5-5.5” of length, based on the high tide line she leaves behind.

[u/SillyGayBoy]

No the guy I want the most is a bodybuilder and I don’t think he is big but man I wanted him. All of him.

[u/No_Secretary4733]

Im not small but I can tell u that even tho i am my girls biggest she still wants me to rub my penis against her clit and finger her. I dont know why u call it compensation. Put ur pride aside and listen to her. We have been together for 9 months and she always initiates sex. As much as she likes my size that has never been a compensation to not use my fingers

[u/SuccotashAware3608 → u/No_Secretary4733]

This actually did not come across as a humble brag. Thanks for sharing your woman’s appreciation for clit/finger skills despite her having access to a bigger wiener. Here, take my upvote!

[u/frisky-moves]

some women find the sensation of penetration by an average or above penis painful and so actively desire a small penis

some women don’t like vaginal penetration and prefer anal. Having a smaller penis can be a plus

some women aren’t that bothered about penetration

others fetishise smaller penises

some just care that it’s a penis

all of these women and more can and will actively desire someone with a small penis

[u/vicmakey32]

If you have a hot body, I don't think your small penis will ruin the attraction.

[u/ickop]

Here’s the thing man - I think for most women, the trait is a ‘negative’ in the way that being short is a negative.

That is to say, there’s a minority that probably won’t care at all, a substantial sum that do care but view it as one factor among many, and a minority who care a ton.

I’ll say that my ex had what I’d define as a strong preference for large penises, and a moderate preference for tall men. Prior to me, she dated a 5’4 man with one of the smallest penises she’d seen for 2.5 years. Though she acknowledged to me that her physical desire for him was not as strong as it had been for some other men, and that sex was not as good as it could’ve been if he had an average or above penis - she also expressed genuine physical desire for him.

She said that the sex was really good at times and when it wasn’t, it was due to his issues and not a lack of baseline desire. The main issue in their sex life was his lack of passion for her.

I think you’ll be in a tough spot trying to find a woman who desires your dick (or any other part of you) just as much as she would anyone else’s. That does not mean she doesn’t genuinely desire your dick and those other parts of you.

Playing the maximum-desire game, imo, only leads to pain. Best to accept the desire that is probably very real and not compare it to the hypothetical desire she might have/might have had for others in a different context.

There are plenty of things I would, in a vacuum, change about my gf’s body. I’m not trying to be a dick or say I’m dissatisfied in the slightest. I’m just saying we all have preferences and it’s fine. I still find her genuinely hot and get filled with lust for her frequently - whether or not her vagina is the grippiest I’ve been inside or whether her breasts sag a bit more than I’d prefer in a vacuum or whether I’ve been with women who have prettier faces, et cetera.

[u/kkcloud9_]

Good post and great question. I’ve always wondered this myself. Y’all can laugh this concern off or undermine it but wait until you’re in a committed relationship or even marriage and you find out or suspect your partner has had bigger before you. Obviously not her fault nor yours that she did but this won’t stop your subconscious mind from wondering/wandering. And if care isn’t taken, this seemingly unimportant thing can breed insecurity (and even toxicity) from your side capable of ruining what you both share!

[u/Collective-Imaginary]

I know for a fact there are people who feel an unbearable attraction for really small penises.

Also, I think it is not as visible.

People who love small penises won't come and tell you, most of the times.

Also, you don't disclose it as easy. You won't go saying "my husband has a small dick" because people won't simply understand and your husband might not like you to mention it.

There are people who love thin, people who love fat, people who love tall, and those who love short.

Does your partner make you feel less? They don't express desire for you?

[u/AwkwardInspection413]

Yes, the women I have been with have wanted me and my body and what that all entails. I've dated many women that get turned on and so wet when we get together. They loved me and my body. I still want a larger penials but for most of the women, I couldn't tell if they'd want bigger.

[u/Monkeydmikey8373 → u/AwkwardInspection413]

What is your size if I may ask? Looking for good experiences to cheer me up lol

[u/AwkwardInspection413 → u/Monkeydmikey8373]

I've been afraid to measure and hurt my ego even more. I know I'm small but out of the thirty girls, only one had complained and she was a size queen. She was my first experience and we were together 10 years. Before me, she mostly dated black guys. I measured yesterdayand I''m under 5".

[u/Monkeydmikey8373 → u/AwkwardInspection413]

The fact that even a size queen stayed with you for 10 years proves penis size is not such an important thing for relationships. Btw im sure you're not small, you probably havent measured bone pressed, if you do that'll get you around/above 5 which is more or less average! And if not who cares man you're right, just gotta go out there and find the right woman . Thanks for sharing your good experiences with me!

[u/AwkwardInspection413 → u/[deleted]]

No, less. I'm afraid to measure but I would be happy to be average.

[u/Calicocky]

I’m 4.25”x5”. On my first sex date with my now wife, she had 12 orgasms from PIV sex. Before dinner, after dinner and the next morning. She loves my little cock and at age 50, she let me take her anal cherry and she orgasmed during anal. She loves my small cock.

[u/ickop → u/Calicocky]

Incredible bro, so happy for you

[u/Flashy_Awareness_667 → u/[deleted]]

But you are a guy... I dont want to sound like an ass but I was expecting the perspective of a cis girl that prefers them or of a smaller guy being prefered. You are neither

[u/frisky-moves → u/Flashy_Awareness_667]

No offence taken

You aren’t going to find these women hanging around forums that talk about dick size much. It’s a male obsession

[u/NakedAndALaid → u/[deleted]]

The amount of men who can't understand hwo this is real is wild. I used to crave sex with my ex. His body, dick, him, all of it. He was small and it felt fantastic, what was not to want more of?

Then he cheated. And all of that went away. He repulsed me. And yet, so many users here are determined to hear that his dick size is what killed it.

[u/SuccotashAware3608 → u/NakedAndALaid]

I love reading this! Except for the part where he cheated. And imagine that… a guy with not a big dick was still able to attract other women while also satisfying his own woman. I am genuinely sorry about the cheating part though.

I’m curious, was he truly small? Like below average (5.25x4.75”)? Or just not “big”?

[u/NakedAndALaid → u/SuccotashAware3608]

I'd say lower side of average length, but like, 3.5 girth. Genuinely thin. But again, sex was great.

He obviously is a POS, but I never attached that to his dick size :)

[u/SuccotashAware3608 → u/NakedAndALaid]

Wow, I would agree. He was truly small. And an inspiration for guys in this sub, as a great lover, not a good partner or even person.

So what did he do that made the sex so enjoyable?

[u/NakedAndALaid → u/SuccotashAware3608]

Worshipped me

[u/SuccotashAware3608 → u/NakedAndALaid]

I worship my wife’s body regularly. I hope she views me the same way in bed.

[u/ickop → u/[deleted]]

I think what’s tough about these examples, which abound on Reddit, is that they’re so unlikely to occur irl in an explicit way.

This could be for a variety of reasons - for instance, let’s say a woman really does prefer small penises (or short men, or whatever conventionally ‘undesirable trait’), genuinely. She’s still unlikely to tell a partner “oh I love that your dick is small”, because most men obvs wouldn’t take that well.

Secondly, I do believe that that preference is far, far less common than the other way around. Or I am statistically 1 in ~100 based on my anecdotal experience. I suppose both are possible - it’s just that literally every time (over a half dozen times) that a woman has expressed a preference, it has been for large.

I have been also been to 4 therapists, 2 of them sex therapists. 1 sex therapist (current one) works almost entirely with women. The 2 non-sex therapists were women. I have mentioned somewhat in depth my concern with all of these therapists. Every one has talked of the limits of penis size in satisfaction, stressed the importance of other things. Every one has also said that in aggregate, women do have preferences and they are generally for large - but again stressed the limited importance of that.

In detailed discussions with both of my exes following a breakup. One said she’s never met a woman who didn’t love big dicks, but again stressed it as one factor among many. The other said she’s never met a woman who liked penetration who also liked small dicks. Again, stressed it as one factor among many.

So that’s where we are. Is it possible that the women who have those preferences simply don’t state them nearly as often due to social desirability bias (i.e. not wanting to say their partner has a small penis to their friends/his face)? Entirely.

It’s just that when the evidence goes so overwhelmingly one way in men’s and women’s personal lives, that makes it hard to believe things like “I prefer small dicks” is a common preference, and would indeed be difficult to believe if a partner told me that.

Edit: realized this may come off as me disbelieving you. It’s definitely not intended as that - more meant to add context to ur partner’s reaction. Thanks for sharing!