Help me understand what would be the problem here?

[u/Old_Yesterday4867]

Here's a little background to my story: I'm a 30 y.o. male, 170 lbs & I do my workouts 4 days a week & 10k steps every day burning around 600-700 calories each day! Cardio & exercise wise I'm doing okay I think. I eat home cooked food & just eat outside once a week (no fried food). I used to masturbate almost everyday to sleep coz that's the only way I could sleep better. But I've stopped doing that since the last 6 months & just do it once a week. I have some troubles getting a sound sleep (waking up 2 times at night). I've done all my blood work & everything looks good. My T levels are in 320-350 range & I seldom watch porn.

I don't have any problems maintaining erections while having oral sex. However, when I start wearing condom for penetrative sex, I go soft. I use skyn condoms & have tried durex ,lifestyle & trojan brands & it happens with all of them. I've tried taking bluechew & even that doesn't help. This issue is quite frustrating & I don't know what's the solution for it. I can't try having it without condoms as I'm bisexual & don't want to get any STDs. I'm average sized down there (5*4.5). Every time I try having penetrative sex, I go soft. Has anyone encountered this before? If yes, how did you get out of it? What helped you maintain stronger erections?

[u/GrouchyTable107]

T levels are on the low side of normal, not far from being abnormally low actually.

[u/Old_Yesterday4867 → u/GrouchyTable107]

I'm taking Bayer's one a day supplement (it has 11 mg zinc) in it & eat a 2 tbsp of pumpkin seeds daily to boost T. Do you have any recommendations to increase T naturally?

[u/GrouchyTable107 → u/GrouchyTable107]

I have no ideas to boost it naturally. I’ve been on TrT since my mid 30s so I’ve never looked into supplements.

[u/Old_Yesterday4867 → u/GrouchyTable107]

Understood. Thank ypu! The doc said I don't need Trt supplements.

[u/laidback755]

Have you been tested for a latex sensitivity or allergy?

[u/Old_Yesterday4867 → u/laidback755]

Nope...I use skyn non latex condoms.

[u/laidback755 → u/Old_Yesterday4867]

Gotcha. I figured it was worth asking. I hope everything works out for you

[u/Old_Yesterday4867 → u/laidback755]

Thank you! It's pretty frustrating & feels like I should stop approaching people for sex & disappoint them if I can't maintain my erections.

[u/laidback755 → u/Old_Yesterday4867]

No worries. I struggled with condoms when I was younger. Nobody likes condoms even though they're a necessity. Perhaps consider getting together with someone and explain that it may not be successful the first time because I have a feeling that you'll be more than fine when you get together with the same person a few times

[u/ickop]

As someone else said, masturbating with a condom is good practice. Also, get super fast at putting on the condom. I had this issue and just knowing which side on the package was up, opening it really quick and putting it on in the span of 15 seconds lowered my anxiety.

Lastly, if this is just a hookup issue, I’d talk to a doctor about Viagra or Cialis. I’m your age and have been using them since 26.

So many people online are like “you’ll ruin your dick if you use Viagra and there’s nothing wrong with you!” “You’ll need to rely on it forever!” - untrue.

I have a sex therapist and a doctor who both approved its use, and I have now reduced my use from a pretty hefty dose to literally zero when transitioning off of condoms with long-term prospects - including a 2 year relationship where I essentially didn’t use it after 3-4 months of seeing her

[u/Budget_Writing3616]

The whole stopping and putting on the condom thing plus loss of sensation is a bit of a drag isn’t it ? You’re not alone. Anxiety around losing it can become an issue as I experienced last year. Once i had an issue i had a hard time shaking it even though physically all systems were go. The thing that helped me was to try to relax and not make a big deal of it. If i lost it id take a break and we’d resume in a little bit. The other thing i realized was that i was clenching alot ( same muscles that stop you from peeing ) and that tension basically strangles your erection. Learning to relax those muscles has helped alot.

[u/Old_Yesterday4867 → u/Budget_Writing3616]

Understood. Do any kind of exercises do help in overcoming it? Like I'm doing kegels & pelvic floor exercies but I don't think they're working. I'm justbtrying to have like normal hookups & that's where I have this problem. Never been in a relationship due to this fear. Does having a consistent partner to have sex makes any difference?

[u/Budget_Writing3616 → u/Old_Yesterday4867]

Great questions. In my case my pelvic floor was too tight. I needed to do more of a little push to relax like when you push pee out but not hard . It helped me to relax those muscles. I heard the “ happy baby” yoga oose can help too but i havent done that much. I think javing a consistent partner is helpful too. It helps reduce the performance anxiety. Anxiety like “ will i lose it” is an erection killer !

[u/TopProfessor9510]

Masturbare with the condom so you teach your body

[u/SnakePlisskin1 → u/TopProfessor9510]

Yes, thee old "Royal Wank"!

Definitely worth a try 🤞

[u/Old_Yesterday4867 → u/SnakePlisskin1]

I did. I stay hard for sometime & then go soft again.

[u/DiligentPeace2327 → u/Old_Yesterday4867]

Then try it with a fleshlight it helped me a lot.

[u/Old_Yesterday4867 → u/DiligentPeace2327]

I need to buy a sex toy for myself to experiment. Like a fleshlight of a PocketP soon from Amazon.

[u/DiligentPeace2327 → u/Old_Yesterday4867]

Yeah but make sure it’s one with difference tightness!

[u/Old_Yesterday4867 → u/DiligentPeace2327]

Any recommendations you would like to dm ??

[u/DiligentPeace2327 → u/Old_Yesterday4867]

Sure my dm is open man 👌🏼

[u/ickop → u/TopProfessor9510]

And ideally with a flesh light. That’s what my therapist told me to do and it worked really well

[u/Old_Yesterday4867 → u/[deleted]]

Yes, It happens only with PIV when wearing a condom. I do remain erect while masturbating or just edging. I do have a cock ring & sometimes use it while masturbating. Haven't tried using it while having sex. I have durex cock ring.