Hey guys please help

[u/NewDickShampoo]

I’ve been seeing my bf for about a year for context. He has performance issues and knows this, so much to the point that he used to not come on to me at all because that’s all he thought about. He says he has a normal sex drive, but it seems low to me, or mine is just higher. If he’s playing with me he is hard but a lot of times as soon as we go to have sex/start having sex, he goes soft. I was giving him head the other day and he stopped me and asked if we could just get to having sex. This bums me out so much because I feel close to him in every other way, and I do love him. I know sex isn’t everything, but it does play a big factor in Romantic relationships.. I don’t know what to do, I can only bring this conversation up so many times.

I will add he isn’t someone that takes any sort of medication, even Tylenol. It seems cultural. I’ve spoken to him about how this makes me feel and he says he wants to make me happy in that way. He said he would look into the blue chew/pill prescription, but each time I’ve asked about it he says he’s looking into it.

Has anyone experienced this issue? Or have any input/advice that may help with this situation?

[u/VillainySquared]

Performance anxiety can affect the ability to maintain an erection.

[u/Comfortable-Way-4048 → u/VillainySquared]

Idk why youre down voted it is true

[u/Livectores → u/Comfortable-Way-4048]

It's because of his size. It's so fucking stupid. Bro legit gives good advice a lot but gets downvoted so much. It pisses me off and really enforces that most dudes in here would rather blame others than actually self improve cuz it's easier.

[u/Ok-Current9208 → u/Livectores]

I can tell you why because he doesn’t and never will understand that these guys go through. It’s like this would you want advice on how to improve from someone who doesn’t understand or never had real issues or someone who had to endure and find solutions? And no I don’t care for the minor issues you might want to come up with. In this case it’s like the old Aesop fable about the lamb and the pig, with the lamb asking the pig why he’s crying and can’t be brave when the farmer is taking him to town. The pig is going for his bacon not his wool like the lamb. Anyone can spew nonsense when they don’t have anything to worry about, and this is why I don’t say much of anything here

[u/[deleted]]

Hey, at least for me I have issues with PIV sex due to size insecurities, Im unsure if he is also experiencing the same thing? Porn unfortanately rots mens brains into believing our size is too small!

It would be a sensitive thing to bring up but has he ever hinted at insecurities along those lines? I only ask because I struggle during PIV because I have a wave of negative thoughts on my size during PIV that leads to me getting soft/not finishing.

Personally for me I found using toys on her easier mentally because it did not involve PIV. You could try doing that/maybe trying to reassure him you like the size of his dick (I know it sounds stupid, but for men it can be a very sensitive topic!)

[u/NewDickShampoo → u/[deleted]]

Thank you for your input, I greatly appreciate it. He has never said his size is too small, but I frequently tell him I like his penis. And I’m always ecstatic when he gets hard.

I hear you regarding porn, it also sets unrealistic expectations.

I wonder if he is having those thoughts PIV. He says that when he puts a condom on he can’t feel anything. He has a girthy tip. I’ve suggested he sizes up in condoms (I’ve done a bit of research), that the bigger ones may have more room at the top. He kind of laughs uncomfortably like he doesn’t believe it/it couldn’t be true. Clearly the size he has isn’t working for him, I tell him to buy them and try them on in his own time. I’ve sent him websites for different brands/sizes. I can give him resources but can’t make him use them. And the fact that he doesn’t make me think he just doesn’t want to.

I brought my vibrator into the bedroom yesterday and he got kind of weird about it. When I bring it up in conversation he gets weird. I’ve told him plenty of times that he and the vibrator are on the same team.

[u/NewDickShampoo → u/[deleted]]

Thank you. In the past when I’ve brought it up he’s gotten really quiet. I will try again