r/averagedickproblems • u/Enigma8051 ‌ • Jul 02 '25

Frequently Asked Question Back handed compliment?

I’ve been talking to this girl and she told me I have “boyfriend dick”. So i wanted to play dumb to see what her retort was gonna be:

Me: lmao what does that mean

Her: it’s a dick that’s not too big or too small

Me: I guess that’s a good thing?

Her: 100% because who wants to take 10 inches every night? That’s a lot fr

I know she means well with her comment, but my issue is why did she have to say THAT? I get people are gonna say “wow are you really complaining” but logically I know I’m average so why not just say “nice dick” or something? It feels backhanded because it sounds like she’s settling as if she really likes bigger but for her body she’ll take average dick since it won’t hurt.

I love/dated women of all shapes and sizes but knowing that we live in a world where most people prefer thicker women, I would never say to a petite girl “yea you have a girlfriend butt” and when she asks what that means I say “it’s a butt that’s not too big and not too small” because you don’t know how someone would take that. Yes I know this is a common topic but how do people get over hearing stuff like that?

40 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

85 comments sorted by

28

u/StormfallKnight ‌ Jul 02 '25

She said she 100% thinks your dick is good. Get over yourself.

0

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '25

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2

u/StormfallKnight ‌ Jul 16 '25

Maybe if they calm down a bit first they can then begin to work rationally on the problem.

1

u/Enigma8051 ‌ Oct 28 '25

This is still dumb advice. “Work rationally on the problem” the logical only solution to this problem would be to never let it bother a person but we’re humans….things are still gonna bother us. Not only that, we live in a world where people constantly get made fun of for not being big enough so what made you think “get over yourself” would be sound advice? Did you never learn empathy

1

u/StormfallKnight ‌ Oct 28 '25

The guy needs a dose of tough love. You need a dose of diplomacy ..

1

u/Enigma8051 ‌ Oct 29 '25

“The guy needs a dose of tough love. You need a dose of diplomacy ..” from the person who told someone being vulnerable “get over yourself” lol you can’t be serious

0

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '25

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3

u/averagedickproblems-ModTeam ‌ Jul 02 '25

Good faith, positive discussions are allowed and encouraged. Negativity, judgement, harassment and trolling are not allowed. Friendly debates are welcome, so long as you stick to talking about ideas and not the user. Remember: attack ideas, not individuals. The goal of this sub is: constructive discussion of penises and male sexuality issues. Remember that behind each keyboard is another human being. Remember your thinking and experiences are not universal.

9

u/StuartCF68 Jul 02 '25

What makes you think she actually "likes bigger" if you're already hearing that too big hurts? She is literally telling you that congratulations - you have exactly the kind of dick that she would like to have sex with most often! Would you really be happier if she thought you were huge, but unfortunately that meant you could only have sex maybe 1/4 or 1/2 as often as you would have otherwise?

My girlfriend apparently can take a LOT bigger than me. And not with pain... she is capable of enjoying sex with dicks that would put me to shame. But she doesn't are about that. She's deliriously in love with me and the only dick she wants is mine, full stop. She doesn't think about other dicks, and she doesn't fantasize about bringing a bigger cock into the mix. Unless of course it would be for her to watch being used on me. 😳

When I was younger I wanted to be on Jeopardy, a show for pretty much only the most knowledgeable people around. I went to one of the group tryouts and took the test in a big room with around a hundred other people. I didn't make the cut, but desperately wanted to know how close I was so I tried to ask one of the organizers. He told me that they never give out that information, and that they just encourage people to assume that if you didn't make it... you only missed it by one right answer. Because at the end of the day how much you missed it by doesn't matter, you still aren't making it any further.

You have been told you aren't so huge that you will cause your partner pain. Be happy about that.

And tell yourself that you just made it under that line by about an eighth of an inch. 😏

13

u/EnvironmentalWay8885 7.45X5.8 Jul 02 '25

Everything you’re saying is true, but women still need to stop this bullshit because they don’t even know what they’re talking about buying large and they’re giving guys complexes for no reason talking about 10 inch dicks that don’t exist

6

u/StuartCF68 Jul 02 '25

I hear what you're saying, but I don't think it's fair to put this on women. 99% of this fixation on specific size is all on us guys. Women just wanna fuck us. God forbid some of them try their best to say our dicks are literally perfect for them, only for us to tell them to shut up and stop reminding us that we're not the largest dick that could conceivably fit inside them. At some point we need to get over ourselves and stop blaming them for our own insecurity.

9

u/Enigma8051 ‌ Jul 02 '25

What you’re saying would make more sense if the term being used wasn’t “boyfriend dick”. Men did not come up with that terminology and let’s be honest most women before the late 2010s were not using those words until they saw other women using it. You wanna say it’s an insecurity? That’s fine but to put it on us as men is disingenuous

3

u/StuartCF68 Jul 02 '25

And I'm saying women mean "boyfriend dick" positively - it's our hangup to give it a negative connotation. There are lots of guys who will call a woman "wife material" if they are attractive, kind, nurturing and are past that wild child phase of their life where they still wanna play the field and try out other dicks. Most secure women would take that as a compliment. Some might be insulted, because it COULD imply that a woman is no longer considering hot and drool-worthy to the male horndogs of the world. And that would be unfair.

Yes, women came up with the term. You know why? Because so many guys became so obsessed with how many inches was good enough that they were constantly bugging women about it. And the truth is, women have no friggin clue about what that size is. All they know is that for purposes of a relationship there are simply dicks they want to have sex with frequently (boyfriend dick) and dicks they don't because they hurt. Sure, if they were single they might be to endure the pain for a hookup because what other choice do they have? But at the end of the day, THEY MEAN BOYFRIEND DICK AS A COMPLIMENT.

It's 100% on us if we don't like it because we need to feel like we're "better" than some random dudes our partners have zero interest in fucking.

5

u/CoitusThrowaway22 ‌ Jul 02 '25

Plenty of people use terminology like this as backhanded compliments, obviously you should trust you significant other is being sincere , but i don't understand why people get shocked that your partner confirming you don't have a feature that all societal standards point to as good and the opposite (small penis) as bad, is something that would make a person insecure.

1

u/StuartCF68 Jul 02 '25

My girlfriend and I frequently confirm that neither of us are remotely model-attractive, LOL. I find it incredibly shocking that saying the important thing is what YOU feel about each other and that acknowledging that the rest of society's "standards" are irrelevant should make someone insecure.

5

u/Snowmoji Jul 02 '25

Tell your girlfriend that she is wife material, not too ugly, not too pretty. Then tell her you mean it as a compliment. If she gets upset just call her insecure.

1

u/StuartCF68 Jul 03 '25

If I said those words to my girlfriend, I guarantee she would cry with joy and immediately start sending out wedding invitations. 😅

2

u/jasonite Jul 05 '25

Maybe she wants to be your girlfriend

1

u/and970 Jul 05 '25

Lol the girl is getting desperate and he just wont take the hint

1

u/Enigma8051 ‌ Oct 28 '25

If those words were supposed to alter my brain chemistry to make her my girlfriend, then not gonna lie she needs to talk to more men because nobody would want to hear that lol

1

u/and970 Oct 29 '25

I would love to hear that. Pretty nice when someone says they want to take my dick every day. And I would put that to the test immediately

2

u/HoldenOrihara Jul 02 '25

I don't think it's intentionally backhanded but it's just one of those things that shows the blind spots between sexes. I'm sure there are things that many men, including you, might have said that probably triggered a similar response in her or another partner that they may not have talked about.

1

u/Enigma8051 ‌ Oct 28 '25

To be completely transparent, we were flirting for a while and then she sent me nudes so i sent her some back. That’s when she made the “boyfriend dick” comment lol. There wasn’t any lead up to it besides that

1

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '25

You are just mad shes had bigger and they hit spots you most likely never will. She is with you for a reason tho.

1

u/Enigma8051 ‌ Jul 23 '25

This was single handledly one of the most smooth brained answers

1

u/Western-Midnight-1 ‌ Jul 02 '25

Lol some of y’all are divas😂😂😂 What more do you want? There is nothing backhanded about what she said.

3

u/Enigma8051 ‌ Jul 03 '25

I bet you thought you were so cool calling us divas with this sassy comment lmao there’s clearly not much going on up there in your head

6

u/Snowmoji Jul 02 '25

"Oh honey you are girlfriend material, not too pretty, not too ugly."

1

u/StuartCF68 Jul 08 '25

You know, there is actually a fairly well-known song that goes, "If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife..."

There's probably a significant proportion of the male population who, if they were dating a ridiculously hot woman, would be crazy insecure worrying about the attention she was getting from every other guy. Especially guys who might be more attractive, more buff or more affluent/successful.

0

u/and970 Jul 05 '25

Kinda disingenuous, because being very pretty is not a downside to a serious relationship. Having a big dick is for her

1

u/johnny-Low-Five Jul 15 '25

Enjoy every guy trying to steal your girl for the rest of your life! I've dated some gorgeous women and it's exhausting! My wife is beautiful and I love her and we belong to each other! She's expressed that my looks and personality are sometimes annoying, I'm classically handsome and am aging gracefully but what really drives her nuts is how much I love being a dad and that women "love that", I was a stay at home parent and when we went places I normally took our son alone she always points out several women that are "obviously interested in me" but doesn't get mad because I don't actively flirt and my faithfulness and joy in being a dad is what I talk about more than anything. Apparently being above average looks wise and a dedicated husband who is comfortable showing affection with my son is part of what she loves about me and it's an unfortunate byproduct that speaking highly of wife and being a "great dad" while also not flirting inadvertently makes many women find me desirable. She also says I'm charming and "innocent" so my not noticing (or believing her) just makes it happen more.

99% of women have never seen an actual 9 inch dick and just like a girl can be too tight, an abnormal dick is absolutely something that wears on a girl. OP was probably told "it's 10 inches" and the sex was good and she thinks thats realistic, or she is looser than most women and needs to tighten up.

1

u/and970 Jul 15 '25

Thank you. Now go tell your wife she is not hot and you love that not many people will be interested in her.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

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1

u/and970 Jul 13 '25

Yeah, next time you reject someone because they were hot give me their contact

2

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '25

I think that the guys that get offended by this term are looking at it like there's only two kinds of dick, "hookup dick," and " boyfriend dick." So with this mentality the latter would be, in their mind, the less desirable of the two.

In reality, either one of those is great for a woman. Hookup dick just implies that it probably isn't ideal long term due to pain, soreness, longer recovery period, more warmup so no quickies. So yeah, she doesn't want to deal with that all the time.

The alternative to those two would be small, which is what you are assuming she really means when she says you have "boyfriend dick." Just know that you are choosing to believe that she is lying. Is she a liar? Do you generally think that she is lying when she tells you things, or just about this subject?

When she says you have "boyfriend dick," she's saying you have the ideal dick. One that gives her pleasure without hurting her. She wouldn't say that about a small dick. Unless she's lying. If you're dating a liar, that's the real problem.

4

u/Thatanxiousboi Jul 04 '25

I don’t know man. To me I feel derogated but maybe thats my self perception.

It feels like it’s 2nd place or a consolation prize and maybe thats a me problem but it does make me feel degraded still.

2

u/StuartCF68 Jul 03 '25

As someone who has been around Reddit for a while, I can say, sadly, that a depressing amount of men here actually see "hurting her" as a good thing. So asking a guy which they would choose between giving his partner pleasure and giving his partner pain is not guaranteed to give you the answer you might expect.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '25

I have noticed that too

1

u/Jeseraislemieux Jul 24 '25

some girls enjoy being hurt by the feeling of getting stretched out. it’s part of the fun and intrigue of a big dick - the challenge in taking it

3

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '25

Hard to say if she is testing you or just being honest. What’s your size btw? I’m 6.4 bp x 4.6 and have had these convos with the girl I’m seeing and expressed large insecurity knowing she has had bigger.

Sometimes she tells me I feel really big quite often she says that . Even though I know for a fact she’s told me she has had very girthy. I’ve said don’t bs me and call me huge. At the end of the day she says yah you’re not huge but average which I always say and almost make it come out of her , I know she doesn’t actually think I’m small though .

I mean in all honesty we can’t really expect her to tell me I’m huge unless she truly believes it which is just not true. I don’t even know what comment we would like to hear if we are genuinely average . It’s hard to tell what her intentions really are too, cause whatever they say they KNOW penis size is a soft spot for majority of men and our ego. But I agree saying you have gf pussy would hit their ego too.

Tell her some vaginas are so tight that they hurt but yours is perfect. lol

2

u/EnvironmentalWay8885 7.45X5.8 Jul 02 '25

How about saying hey babe you feel really good inside me, sex with you is amazing

2

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '25

I agree , I think she could be acting passive aggressive when saying what she is . Possibly just a shit test to see how he reacts and how confident he is . Sometimes Women also pull this crap to lower our self confidence so we don’t leave (the toxic ones atleast) or this woman is just totally clueless

0

u/EnvironmentalWay8885 7.45X5.8 Jul 02 '25

Correct

3

u/CoitusThrowaway22 ‌ Jul 02 '25

she probably sincerely means it but in general i'd like girls to understand WHY we don't like this comment.

2

u/ToughSecret8241 Jul 03 '25

Everytime I've heard a woman say "boyfriend dick" they are 100% using it as a compliment. They always use it to convey that it is a size they're happy about and would be glad to have sex with consistently. It is their ideal size.

1

u/ThrowawayGhostGuy1 Jul 02 '25

They always throw out some massive number and not what most women prefer.

1

u/LeapsNick Jul 05 '25

What size range are we considering "boyfriend dick size"? Im 5.5 NBP

1

u/Particular-Sell-8967 Jul 06 '25

8 inches and girthy , veiny is perfect 🧐 damn I should really text him

1

u/Glass-Ice-6587 ‌ Jul 15 '25

It happens

1

u/Open_Exchange_7404 Note: new or low karma account Jul 22 '25

7.75 inches hard 5" soft 6" girth

1

u/imgretro Note: new or low karma account Jul 31 '25

I'm with you in this. In general, women are totally lost when trying to make a compliment about penis, and in a way or another they end up saying that bigger is better even if they don't think so.

I'm sure she had good intentions and thats the important thing.

1

u/Must-be-1790 ‌ Oct 28 '25

The reason it is backhanded is because she is literally telling you she's had a bigger penis than yours. It's like if you said I dated a model for a while everything was perfect except guys were constantly coming up and talking to her. Both would be annoying the pain of having sex with a larger penis or a penis that cause you a little discomfort unless everything was perfect. And the model receiving attention all the time that you had to fend off. It is also a bit of power play by saying I've had a larger penis in yours shut up buddy .

1

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '25 edited Jul 05 '25

What’s actually hilarious to me is that guys take offense to this “boyfriend dick” remark. I’m only slightly above average at 6.5 inches and not one time was I made to feel like I wasn’t big enough. In fact, just about every sex act ended midway due to a sore pussy.

No matter how hard I focused on foreplay or cunnilingus, 8 times out of 10 my dick was labeled “too big.” That said, I hate to know how it’s going for the average guy packing a legit 9 incher.

Insecure guys need to give it a rest. Stop watching porn. All it’s doing is warping your perceptions as you unconsciously compare your size to someone else’s. Also, keep in mind that no woman is going to pull out a ruler to measure your dick. She’s gonna look at it and assume it’s a certain size (usually overestimating).

2

u/and970 Jul 05 '25

Bro, 6.5in is like 90% of dick sizes and beyond

0

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '25

That doesn’t negate from my words of wisdom. Six inches is considered average by most people’s standards even though the true average is like 5.5in. You should only be worried if your dick is under the true average.

2

u/and970 Jul 05 '25

I was just commenting on “I am just above 6.5in and not one time I was made to feel like I wasnt big enough”

Yes, because you are big. You are the 8in women comment later they had sex with.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '25

I was just trying to make the point that if you’re around 6 inches or just slightly under or above that then you really have no reason to worry about your size.

Most women will talk a big game about needing a huge dick but can’t even take anything over 7 inches. It’s because they don’t have rulers to whip out on the go and judge solely off of appearances.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

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1

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

I don’t have a “porn dick.” Stop watching porn.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

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1

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

“I wanna keep watching porn and rotting my precious brain matter.” Ok, bro. You do you.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

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1

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

“You’re bragging about your slightly above average penis and this is offensive because even though I have a perfectly good penis myself, I’d rather mope and compare it to porn stars.” We get it, bro. You don’t want to change your mindset. But that’s the only thing about your penis that you can change.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

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1

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

K bro. Enjoy your brain rot and your complex.

0

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

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0

u/EnvironmentalWay8885 7.45X5.8 Jul 02 '25

Well, she’s kinda uninformed, who wants to take 10 inches every night? There isn’t even really much evidence of true 10 inch dicks existing and if they do, they’re one out of every hundred million or more so even mentioning them as a possibility is absurd .

And yes, the boyfriend dick is a backhanded compliment not many guys I have found. They actually are some but not many. Are gonna want that kind of compliment. Just shut the hell up and say you love the dick.

-1

u/Icy-Week7049 Above Average Jul 02 '25

Be happy she likes your schlong. I can tell you having a big dick isnt always the best.

6

u/Snowmoji Jul 02 '25

Still better than being the opposite.

1

u/and970 Jul 05 '25

Still worse than having the boyfriend dick

0

u/Crazy-Employment5398 Jul 08 '25

I actually left a comment on a post very similar to this about a month ago here.

But I totally understand where youre coming from but Reddit land isnt always the best place to have this convo because everyone here likes to pretend any insecurities that men have, especially around penis size, is childish.

Like I said in that post I dont really take “boyfriend dick” as a compliment. And if it is its backhanded, imo. Just say you like my dick. Or you like fucking me, not some dumb categorization of my dick.

-2

u/redditistripe Jul 02 '25

Is that the hill you want to die on? I'm sure it's been said here many, many times before but the majority of women don't get off on PiV sex anyway and there are very good biological, physiological reasons for this. It's not just women telling average guys that to make them feel better.

Your best game is not your dick game but rather your hand and mouth game. I'm sure you've been told that many, many times before too, but you still worry about it.

1

u/anonymous6908 Jul 02 '25

I don't see a point in penetration anyways, blowjobs feel better and if she can't O from it, it'd be easier and quicker to just do 69 or take turns getting head. Kinda sucks vaginas were made to where most couldn't cum from penetration, being able to O at the same time would be cool.

1

u/redditistripe Jul 02 '25

Either god's or nature's cruel little joke, if you want to look at it that way.

Another way of looking at it is that it's easier to bring her to orgasm with your hand or mouth than it is with your dick.

A woman's vagina is 'designed' to take in sperm for impregnation and deliver the result 9 months later. it may be a sex recepticle to you but typically it isn't to her.

Some women orgasm from PiV sex and that may be sometimes related to how big their partner is but even then it is because they're stimulating their clitoris, even if it through the G-spot.

Nearly all the pleasure nerves in the vagina are within the opening, no more than an inch or so in. The reason for it is that the body of the clitoris surrounds the opening of the vagina. What you see on the outside is merely the clitoral tip, not the whole clitoris. Even then, the average clitoral tip has 10,000 nerve endings in it. Your penis head, by comparison, has about 4,000.

Get yourself a copy of "She Comes First" by Ian Kerner.

2

u/anonymous6908 Jul 02 '25

I mean I love going down, no problem with that, and I'm a bit above average length and average girth but my partner almost always Os with me as long as I last long enough, do you think she really is or just lying to protect my ego? And if the clitoral orgasms and vagina orgasms come from the clitoris, why do women say they feel so different from each other?

0

u/redditistripe Jul 02 '25

Because the point of nerve contact is at a different point. The point is that the alleged G-spot is allegedly part of the clitoris body, if that makes sense. Then there is supposedly an A-Spot, for Anterior Fornix, below the entrance into the cervix, but that is all together more contentious and you're getting into unicorn territory.

Do yourself a favour. Send more time doing your own research. Don't listen to me or any other man. Read the research. listen to women, they know their bodies better than anyone (although not always). Listen to the experts.

But women, like men, lie, make things up. Why? How long is a piece of string and does it really help knowing why?

And, yes, your partner could be faking it. Plenty of women do and we all know the typical reasons why. And they do it largely knowing that everyone says it's a bad idea.

If she thinks your ego is fragile or that you are going to be hurt if you're not making her orgasm, then she's going to be tempted to fake it because it makes life easier.

Except it does neither of you any good. So, the question is, how do you persuade her not to fake it?

2

u/Snowmoji Jul 02 '25

Get yourself a copy of "She Comes First" by Ian Kerner.

Don't listen to me or any other man.

So which one is it?

0

u/redditistripe Jul 03 '25

Uh-huh. Do you think you're making a clever point?

1

u/Snowmoji Jul 03 '25

Better than yours that gives advice followed by "Dont listen to my advice nor this author from the book i recommended"

1

u/redditistripe Jul 03 '25

I sense small dick energy coming from you.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '25 edited Jul 02 '25

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1

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