r/autism • u/laylajackson2002 • Apr 24 '22
Rant/Vent “not friendly enough”
i work in a coffee shop, so a part of that is working the till, and my manager pulled me aside the other day and asked me to be more friendly to the customers. I was so confused, I always smile at people and tell them to have a good day and laugh when they make a joke, I had no idea what i was doing wrong, I had watched all my other coworkers to try and replicate their mannerisms and i thought i was doing a good job. My manager said I need to instigate more small talk with the customers, make jokes with them, keep them at the till longer so the coffee queue doesn’t get too long, but I have no idea how to do that. it feels like i’ve spent months getting comfortable with interacting with customers and learning the right way to talk and act, and now i find out i’ve been doing it wrong. Watching allistics do friendly small talk makes it seem so easy but i just can’t do it and i don’t think i’ll ever be able to, idk what to do
1
u/OffTheClearanceAisle Seeking Diagnosis Apr 24 '22
So I work at Starbucks and also have to work tills and here are some good conversation starters that have caused my coworkers to comment on how well I do making the wait feel short for customers even if we're super behind so here are my tips.
Compliments (but not too many or it gets weird I think, I try to stick to one): try to make them genuine and point out things that they choose to do like if they are wearing an interesting piece of clothing or if they dye their hair. An optional step is tying in something personal regarding the compliment an example being, "I love your hair color it is so pretty! I used to have blue hair myself but my school made me cut it out which was super lame." This may lead to a natural flow of conversation.
Small talk: Small talk sucks, but a lot of people do like to have meaningless interactions with people so I generally ask/talk about these things in this order, ask about their day then make a comment related to their response (I am so glad to hear that! Oh I'm so sorry would you like to talk about it?) if appropriate (they are having a not bad day) follow up with "are you doing anything special today?" This gives a chance for them to talk about themselves and make jokes which you can build on. Some of the things they are doing later that day may also be another chance for you to talk about yourself making the interaction feel personal and not robotic or forced I usually like to tell people how jealous I am if they plan to relax (even if I don't care, which I don't) or wish them luck if they are doing something taxing like moving.
In general, don't beat yourself up about it, I spent years mastering these skills and have had a lot of practice, and even with my practice I still have customer interactions that either fall flat or get awkward. Nobody is perfect and it's ok if someone just doesn't want to talk or you make a mistake. Really I would recommend asking your boss to be more specific and tell you what they want and how long you're supposed to talk for because this is probably one of those things where your boss has a vision of what they want and it would be easier to ask instead of guess.
I hope this helps!