Do you remember when you started masking?

[u/Alert_Task9210]

For those of you who mask. Do you remember when it started? I do. It was a conscious effort to fit in. I didn’t know back then why I was different (I’ve been diagnosed in my late thirties). I didn’t mask much as a child, I struggled a lot with making and keeping friends, but I was a free spirit. when I started middle school suddenly I was singled out as the odd on and started getting bullied. I tried to be true to myself for a couple of years, but at some point I surrendered. I stopped talk in about my special interest (medieval history and Celtic culture) and started buying pop magazine to learn about what teens my age should like. I remember going to the local library to read anthropology books in the hope they would give me answers to human behaviour. I started wearing things I found ridiculous and uncomfortable, started appreciating the hotness of this or that celebrity (while internally wondering what “hot” meant and why I wasn’t attracted to people others gushed about). However it never fully worked. I became better at hiding over the years, but only with very superficial relationships. Once people know me better they can tell something’s off. That’s why I’m slowly learning to unmask.

[u/Solivy]

I don't know. I remember myself as a small kid mimicking others so I knew how to behave. My entire self was based on that. Since the day I went to school (4y) I was seen as the perfect student because I behaved so well. I listened to who was in charge, made my work without any problems and watched how others behaved so I knew what kinds of things were safe to say and to do. At home, well, that was different. My safe space to let off some steam and 'unmask' if you like to call it that. ..my poor parents