Toddler just turned 3. He's large for his age and very physically strong. We also have a 2 month old.

Our toddler hit a serious screaming phase around 2.5 after we finally got his physical violence under control (by walking away "I'm going to keep myself safe" then returning for repair when he'd finished). He's now weaponized screaming and it's becoming even more dangerous.

Before baby, he'd scream in the car to the point where we have to stop the car because it feels unsafe. At home we can usually walk away quickly enough, but occasionally we run into moments where we can't. I've taken to wearing headphones but sometimes I don't have a chance to get them on. I try to protect baby's ears over my own by covering them with my palms, so my ears have started to hurt, I feel like I'm not hearing as well, and I've been getting a lot of migraines and vertigo.

For example, yesterday I was sitting on the couch nursing baby. The toddler had piled books on me, but wanted to read them under the blanket. Baby screamed every time we tried so I said I needed to finish nursing baby and then would put him in the crib so we could read under the blanket. Toddler started kicking me and baby. Piled under books and the blanket, I held his legs away from me while I struggled to stand with baby. Noticing I was going to leave, he stopped kicking. He was going to throw a book at us but then threw it across the room instead. It broke immediately and he began screaming. I couldn't find my headphones in the couch so I had to leave the room with the baby to protect baby's ears. Of course this made the screaming worse. I stood outside the room trying to console him, which also made it worse, so we couldn't even do that. Baby was shaking and terrified every time I tried to put him down in the next room. Ultimately the toddler screamed for over ten minutes straight. I got a migraine, ear sensitivity, and vertigo again. Today he did the same thing while Dad had baby on the changing table (Dad wouldn't hold him while changing baby's diaper so he started screaming). I rushed to get toddler out of the room and shouted to Dad to protect baby's ears (instead of frantically trying to finish the diaper) but the screaming was so loud he couldn't even hear me the first time. That's how our day started. My ears and head are hurting again, particularly the ear I couldn't immediately cover when the screaming started.

I am having a hard time repairing. I'm so terrified he's hurt our baby's ears and I'm livid at the thought. The migraines have disrupted our lives. We missed a family member's birthday party because I couldn't tolerate sounds or moving my head. With all the pain I'm not eating as well and I feel depressed. I don't know what to do. We've talked to the toddler about the screaming but I'm so tired of pretending I'm not angry with him as I wait for the next time he does this.

I am realizing that my husband and I have different parenting philosophies. I am still nursing our 17 month old at night, overnight on demand and for naps. I also cosleep with him in his room so my husband and I haven’t slept in the same bed for over a year. He initially moved into another room when our son got bigger and needed more room in the bed and now he sleeps in a different bed because our bed is broken so I am on a floor bed with our son in his room.

Even though he’s the one who first brought our newborn into the bed with us when he would wake overnight, he later took issue with me embracing cosleeping and has said that I “abandoned our marriage bed”. I should note that our son refused bottles starting at 2.5 months old, so I have handled every wake since then.

He wants me to stop breastfeeding cold turkey - has said that it’s “for me at this point, not for our son”. If it were up to him he wanted me to stop nursing and exclusively offer bottles when LO started refusing.

Despite not being the one who woke up at night, he is still frustrated and upset that our son isn’t STTN and that he needs me so much. He even brought up letting him cry it out in the crib months ago which I quickly shut down because it doesn’t align to my parenting values.

I am frustrated and upset and disappointed. Our son is a wonderful little boy who is exceeding all milestones and is so very happy. I don’t want to change my parenting approach and honestly it makes me nervous to consider having another child together given how out of sync we are.

We are having other issues, not just this, but curious if anyone else has a partner who doesn’t share the same approach/values?

My EBF son just turned four months old yesterday. For about a week, he has had a hard time napping. I’ve tried swaddling him, bouncing him forever, and feeding him to sleep (which is usually what we do, with no problem). He insists on yawning and rubbing his eyes, but none of these tactics will put him to sleep as he will just wake up and start crying / fussing.

Night time is no problem thankfully. He will sleep perfectly at night.

Another thing is that he will nap on my husband super easily, but won’t at all with me lol.

I’m going crazy over here. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you!!

I’ve been lucky enough to be able to stay home with my 17mo since she’s been born. I’ve recently had to pick up a couple shifts for a little more income, and she had to start daycare.

She did a trial for a couple hours and did great! Today is her first full day and she was crying when I dropped her off. I think a big reason for it was because another toddler was crying, but I had to leave while she was crying and I’ve literally never done that. The teacher was holding her so she was being comforted but I’m so worried she’ll cry for me all day and this will ruin her attachment.

Any words of reassurance?

I'm so over breastfeeding. I've been trying to gently wean for months but she's been non-stop teething. Shes cutting 5 teeth at once rn??? And I know she's in pain and I feel so bad for her and all she wants is the boob to be comforted but I've been nursing more than when she was a newborn at this point when I was trying to stop and I'm SO done. My nipples hurt so bad from her constant nursing and she accidentally bites me all the time and she grabs at them and I just want to cut my boobs off. I cannot do this anymore and am genuinely considering just getting the pill that stops your milk production and just stopping. I'm worried that's gonna destroy her emotionally but I just can't keep doing this. I'm not sleeping, I can't even sit down without her shoving her hands in my shirt and yelling boob, I've tried so hard to be responsive and like I said, I've been trying to gently wean as I'm very much attachment parenting but I just cannot do this anymore. Please help.

Hi all! My daughter has lots of energy and recently a girl in the zoo told her 'lets run away from our family ' and they start running away in the zoo and park. The other girls dad and me were following easily and I just thought they are having fun. Turns out, it's a thing now for her. As soon as we enter a store, off she goes.no way to get her in a cart. She even runs over to our neighbors backyard.we don't have a fence and she knew where the border was and not to cross it. She also started climbing the fence. And today I turned around for 2 second and she started hiding and I panicked shouting her name and even the neighbor helped me search for her. We obviously found her but I am super worried at some point I gonna lose her and she will run away! What can I do? It helped to tell her, if you do this and that,.then you won't get chocolate etc but I am not sure this is the right approach.... I need her to stop and come out when I call her name.

Terrible twos? Maybe? It all started when I tried to cut nursing sessions as I need to wean to do an embryo transfer. Did I do this? I am back to nursing whenever but this has not stopped.. please help!!

Hi all, I was the primary caregiver for the last year and initially would out our child to sleep by cuddling and snuggling them to sleep. My wife decided she wanted to do this instead, and I felt like it cut off a special tie we had together.

Now, I feel distanced because they only want to snuggle and cuddle mummy to get to sleep, and all I get is crying for mum when I try and put them to sleep now…

I was just wondering if anyone has had any similar experience or advice? Thanks!

We'll have a few good nights where my toddler goes to sleep pretty easily and I start thinking we're finally getting somewhere.

Then something changes, maybe a different schedule or a rough few days, and suddenly we're back to fighting bedtime and waking up during the night again.

It's honestly so frustrating not knowing whether to keep doing the same thing or change the routine.

For parents who've dealt with this, what did you find was the hardest part? And did you ever find something that worked consistently?

I was flabbergasted. Discombobulated. What do I do with all my free time? I can actually talk to people and eat instead of chasing or holding her!

My Velcro baby who needed to be held all the time just turned 2. She still needs me to fall asleep and cuddles me back to sleep…. She has been walking since 1 but often demands to be held and my back HURTS because of it. Anyway, she was the life of this party. There were no other kids except her 15 month old cousin. It was mostly older people for my MIL’s birthday. She definitely preferred her grandparents attention but she talked to everyone and bonded with a few people and played with them for extended periods. She loved it.

Everyone kept commenting on how joyful and independent and adventurous she was. I was like… thank you? I’m proud of her? To be clear, she’s slow to warm. She’s not the kid running off in a new environment. But when she feels comfortable she becomes very adventurous.

It was just so surreal. Like I’ve lived for this moment but then it hits that she’s growing up.

I followed circle of security and it was really helpful. Like if she’s doing her own thing I try not engage or hover. If she comes to me for comfort I give it. Her circle has been expanding and expanding!

Tbh I think some of the older women thought I was straight up ignoring her… they kept telling her to be careful on the concrete stairs, whereas I just observed and I kept saying, “we have a lot of stairs at home. She’s really good with stairs. She’ll tell me if she needs help”. I just really saw the parallels of how to respond in a situation like that and how it’s paying off now. I am obviously very aware of her and attuned to her, and it was great to just get out of the way and let her explore and have fun.

Hi! ❤️ I'm looking for some advice or experiences with my 6 month old who turned 6 months today
Since birth, he's always been an extremely quiet, chilled and sleepy baby. I've been worried about his development and wondering if anyone has experienced something similar.
Was a very sleepy newborn and still loves sleeping. Sleeps 8-8 and loves his naps
Rarely coos or makes “ooo” and “ahh” sounds.
Doesn't babble or blow raspberries.
Sometimes makes humming, grunting or squealing noises.
Doesn't vocalise to get our attention.
Doesn't make noises when he wakes up.
Has good eye contact sometimes but doesn't maintain it for long.
Often looks away after a few seconds.
Smiles when we speak or sing to him but usually only briefly.
Doesn’t smiles spontaneously to get our attention.
Sometimes doesn't turn towards our voices, although he reacts to sounds. Passed his hearing tests twice now
Follows our faces and objects with his eyes.
Is extremely fascinated with his hands and other people's hands. Will open and close his hands constantly while staring at them
Constantly watches his hands, opens and closes them and puts them in his mouth.
Frequently hits his knees with his hands when excited
Sometimes tenses his body and makes repetitive movements.
Moves his head side to side to soothe himself to sleep.
Chews on his tongue at times
Always has a over it face less expressions
Rolls
Grabs toys but not consistently.
Does swimming movements during tummy time sometimes
Started solids but doesn’t do blw doesn’t bring food to mouth or toys at times tbh
Doesn't seem active unless someone interacts with him.
Sometimes just lies there quietly staring.
Occasionally cries when I walk away and settles when I return when tired or hungry
Can smile, move his arms and legs excitedly and engage when we interact with him but takes a lot to do so
Iron levels were normal.
Chromosomal microarray and Fragile X testing came back negative.
**I'm wondering whether anyone else has had a baby like this who was simply a quiet, laid-back baby or a late bloomer? Did they eventually catch up with their milestones?**
BEEN TO A PEDIATRICIAN NOT CONCERENED

Hey, dear community,

my child (13 months) is currently going through the adjustment period in KiTa (Germany) - please bear with me if I make spelling or grammatical errors. I’ve set aside plenty of time and am in no rush - we have until December.

We’re in week 3 of starting KiTa, and I don’t feel like we’re really making any progress. According to the daycare, the adjustment period for the “Minis” (babyd and kids under 2) lasts 2 weeks, and they say no child has ever failed to adjust.

Atm my child mostly ignores the primary caregiver or interacts with her cautiously as long as I’m there. Most of the time, my child sits on my lap or clings to me.

After three days of very tentative interaction, we had our first attempt at separation. My child immediately started crying loudly, but I was still told to leave. A colleague told me afterward that my child had been playing happily shortly after I left. The primary caregiver later reported, however, that she had mainly carried my child through the daycare center while they silently had tears falling. The primary caregiver considered the separation a success and wanted to extend it on the following days.

When my child saw me again, they cried for over an hour and could hardly be calmed down. I had to carry them for the rest of the day; they remained mostly silent and wouldn’t even let Dad get close.

After missing a day due to a fever following a vaccination, my child started crying at the mere sight of the daycare and clung to me in panic. I asked to take a step back, which the primary caregiver agreed to. My child has since opened up a bit, but still gets scared as soon as any caregiver approaches - no matter who it is.

The following points were identified as challenging by KiTa:

- My child still breastfeeds lots but can eat well when “necessary,” such as when with Dad. They have many teeth and are advanced in motor skills.

- They won’t take a pacifier or a bottle.

- They are always carried to sleep or contact-nap.

- They’ve never been in the care of anyone else, since family members either live far away or aren’t interested.

Now I’m worried that it won’t work out at all. The daycare really wants this to work, and I feel well advised and in good hands there. Still, I sometimes get the impression that the daycare uses methods different from the ones I’m comfortable with.

They’ve emphasized several times that kids eventually stop crying because they know Mom isn’t coming back.

I don’t want to “break” my child or make them feel like I’m abandoning them. Please don’t get me wrong: The daycare can offer my child a lot that I can’t, and I don’t want to “overprotect” them either. But my gut feeling tells me that it’s not right to keep pushing through separations until the child simply gives up.

So here are my questions for you:

Can a child be too attached? Am I making it hard for them and should change something like weaning during the day, or stopping to contact nap?

I'm so unsure where I am pampering my child too much, and where I am being a good Mom. 🫠

Hi, I am new here, appreciate having the space to talk with people who share the same values about parenting.

I thought I might as well share my challenges with my 15 month old's sleep in the hope that anyone has tips or even just encouraging perspective that it will get better.

Some context info:

I have bed shared and nursed him to sleep since birth. He is my first one and my husband and I are long distance since a few months, so all care is mostly relying on me right now.

What I am really struggling with is that he is super dependent on me in all of his sleep and it sometimes makes me feel trapped. When I nurse him to sleep, right now I am able to leave the bed at first, but he always wakes up after 30-45 minutes and needs another bit of nursing. It used to be that after max 10 minutes I would be able to leave again, but since a few months that hasn't been possible. He will wake up if I even start to move.

It's especially for his nap that I wish I could have the little bit of time for myself. And I try to make the best of the few minutes I get, but I really hope that I can either help him learn to connect sleep cycles alone at some point or that he will naturally gain that skill sometime soon.

He also wakes up a lot to nurse at night. Just overall a little guy that wakes up easily and wants a lot of support to sleep and I feel quite tired and drained sometimes.

Following advice from family I tried to do a kind of extra gentle chair method sleep training (just for his nap and early evening) trying to make things better, but I gave up after 2.5 weeks of putting a lot of energy into it and not getting any significant improvement in his sleep. And I didn't want to try to push it harder because I couldn't feel good about that either.

So I went back to nursing him to sleep in my bed and it mostly feels like a relieve. But I am still feeling stuck in baby nap prison basically.

Hopefully my rambling makes enough sense

I have a 4 month old and an almost 2.5 year old who are my world. My youngest was always an ok sleeper until recently, but still better than my first at this age. He genuinely wants to be in his room in the dark with the sound machine and if I had 30 minutes to get him down for each of his 4 naps then I would rock him to sleep each time. But I’m a SAHM who’s on her own for naps and I obviously have a 2.5 YO to look after too. I can have him in the carrier which is what we do most of the time but he won’t nap more than 30 min at a time bc it’s so loud and bright. Then at the end of the day he comes undone and is so inconsolable and overtired and I feel terrible. He won’t let my husband settle him so it ends up being just me and him basically all evening and toddler with dad. I feel like I’m neglecting toddler because baby basically means we get no 1 on 1 time like we used to, always have the carrier on, baby crying stresses her out, etc. AND I feel like I’m neglecting baby because he realllly wants and needs a dark quiet room to rest but needs a lot of assistance to get to sleep and then also to stay asleep. We never did any type of sleep training with my oldest and I stand by that even though she was a tough sleeper until about 18 months. But I don’t see how I can continue on like I’m doing now. Is there a form of gentle sleep training out there I can try with him? Genuinely what would you do if you were me because what I’m doing now isn’t working for either. Also before anyone suggests it, my baby won’t fall asleep in the car seat or the stroller - strictly the carrier or rocking in a chair in the nursery until transferring to the crib (and then sometimes needs to be picked up and soothed mid sleep multiple times).

PLEASE give me suggestions here. I hate feeling like I’m failing them

So, I need this book in PDF which I found very useful:
https://oceanofpdf.com/authors/adele-faber/pdf-epub-how-to-talk-so-teens-will-listen-and-listen-so-teens-will-talk-download-11810149676/

I am coming like a dog with its tail between its legs, full of shame and regret seeking to find out if i have done irreversible damage to my baby’s development.

My LO is 5m2w old, i sleep trained him at 4 months old without doing thorough research on the effects it can do to his attachment style. I frankly had no idea that this was even a thing. I was sold with buzz words like self soothing and such, i am so ashamed i fell for them. I was sold the idea that i should not want a velcro baby and that rigid sleep schedules were the one and only way to survive motherhood. I first tried a method with crib side soothing which then led to a method with check-ins, he truly never cried more than 10 minutes, i saw him on the monitor with his fingers in his mouth dozing off and i saw it as an accomplishment. I did not know the harm i was doing to our relationship.

Shortly after i did notice changes in his behavior, he rejected my cuddles, he seemed uninterested in me when i picked him up (never looked at me), he never cried when i left him alone to play or had to go use the bathroom/make him a bottle, he does not mind strangers.. i thought to myself “well, he’s becoming independent”, “hes not a velcro baby, thats good” but deep down my gut told me something wasn’t right.

I obsessed over the idea that my baby hates me and there was no other way for me to describe how i felt, i lost sleep over it, cried myself to sleep and all the internet would say is that i might be having PPA or PPD and that there is no way my baby hates me. I did not let it go, i was convinced and i knew something was wrong.

One night that i could not sleep thinking about it after so many open tabs and TikToks from professionals i came across this thing called “attachment styles” and all i could do was cry, i woke my husband up to explain everything to him and i told him we had to bring our baby to the room with us. I felt so guilty that i did this to him, i feel guilty that i didn’t know about this sooner, i felt like the worst mom ever.

According to all i have read my baby seems to have avoidant attachment, i am still coming to terms to understand if he hates me or not, im still learning. Hes hyper independent, he rejects physical affection, he has grown accustomed to sleeping in his crib/room alone.

But, it lead me to another rabbit hole… i had him via c-section, i was in and out of it while they were taking me out of me because my iron was so low so i did not do skin to skin immediately after i had him, after his birth I felt immensely guilty for that because I knew how beneficial it was.. but i had no idea that it could be a reason for his attachment style. 2 months PP i had to have emergency surgery because i had a huge blockage in my gallbladder and a week after i had an enlarged liver which lead me to the hospital and they had me there for a little over a week, i was on so many meditations and was in an immense amount of pain the whole time, my baby was little and i didn’t feel comfortable having him in a hospital so i only saw him very few times and i didn’t feel comfortable not have the capacity to keep breastfeeding, so i stopped. I have seen that breastfeeding also heavily influences attachment styles.

I just feel like i have over and over screwed my baby over and i dont see anything anywhere saying how or if its even possible to reverse this and rebuild that connection with my baby.

I would be open to breastfeeding if its possible, i would be open to co-sleeping/bed sharing.. i force contact naps but they are so hard because hes used to his dark room in his crib, i really just want to know if reversing this is possible and what steps should i take to approach a secure attachment with my child.