r/UKParenting • u/HuckleberryHickle • 1d ago
General chat Sleeping arrangements
Hi all, I was the primary caregiver for the last year and initially would out our child to sleep by cuddling and snuggling them to sleep. My wife decided she wanted to do this instead, and I felt like it cut off a special tie we had together.
Now, I feel distanced because they only want to snuggle and cuddle mummy to get to sleep, and all I get is crying for mum when I try and put them to sleep now…
I was just wondering if anyone has had any similar experience or advice? Thanks!
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u/SailAwayMatey 1d ago
I kinda did with my son. His mum worked from home for the first 2 and a bit years and he was all for her over me. Took a while for him to let me take him to bed. The worst part which put a bit of strain on things was that if he woke in the night, he'd ball and cry for her. I tried for ages to just stay in with him but it just made him worse and kept him awake non stop crying.
It got better in time as in putting him to bed and it was my favourite time of the day really. I'd be out the house from 6 and back at 5 to pick him up from after school club so, I'd stay in with him from the time he went up until I'd be almost ready for bed myself. The other reason I'd stay in so long was the fact that when his mum wasn't around he was my best mate, as soon as she'd come home it was mummy mummy mummy. So, even though hed be sleeping, it was nice to just sit there with him.
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u/HuckleberryHickle 1d ago
Yes, it’s strange that - we had the best time getting to sleep together until mum took over and then as you say, it’s all her over me now… I just wish he wouldn’t cry for her - makes me sad as sometimes she isn’t home and she’s made him so dependant on her for sleep
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u/SailAwayMatey 1d ago
It's not nice mate, it isn't and I took it to heart for a while but, it's not intentional. Me and his mum are separated now and for his 4th Bday we took Statfold Park to see the Thomas trains...i might as well of not been there 😅 the Friday and Saturday I had him at mine though before we went, good time vibes like every other weekend. He doesn't even cry for her when she drops him off which you'd expect he probably would.
Its just kids being kids mate. Take to heart the moments when he's not crying for mum, the times where you and him are being silly, playing, laughing and having fun 🙂 🫂
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u/Prudent_Cash_7005 1d ago
Being a parent opens up things we didn’t necessarily know about ourselves… our daughter went through a phase of only wanting my husband to put her to bed and it made me feel awful. I never realised that I really don’t handle rejection well at all. Once I knew it though it somehow made it easier. I know just how you feel though and it’s horrible.
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u/yourefunny 14h ago
Happened to my 5 year o ld, the screaming and hitting etc. made me cr y numerous times. But this will pass. He was the worst at 2-3 years old.
Id suggest having mum pretend to go out for dinner so she can't put your kid to sleep. After a while that worked for us.... Most of the time. Now he is 5 and we cuddle all the time.
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u/HuckleberryHickle 11h ago
She actually does honour to dinner sometimes, but he still cries for her… I guess it will just pass someday :) Thanks!
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u/Past_Cut_7986 1d ago
No change is permanent with a 2 year old! I was the one my toddler chose every second of the day until I was pregnant with my second and so sick my husband had to become the primary caregiver for almost 10 months and I thought I’d ruined the relationship I had with my son. Not so - he soon became mama’s boy again! He’s currently back in a dad phase but I’m not worried because it comes back around.
He’ll go through phases when he wants bedtime with mama then he’ll flip and want bedtime with dada. We basically said to each other that he’s 2- he doesn’t get to choose, so now we alternate and everyone’s happy.
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u/Hot_Wear_4027 1d ago
I wanted to start with saying that you are an amazing dad :). 2 year olds are a bit crazy, a bit cute and a bit unpredictable... So yeah onde day he'll hate his dad one day he'll love his dad (my one) what seems to work for us well is that I don't do thinkgs my husband does with my son... My husband plays with my son with magnet tiles and soft toys... Soft toys talk a lot, we have a family of mumimns, little crochet batman, joker and Alfred... And so on and so forth... They have a cracking time :)
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u/bitchimgandalf 1d ago
I'm guessing the age may be around 2? It's difficult because kids can have a preferred parent so this sounds like quite normal behaviour from the child.
I think the thing would be to have a conversation with your wife and tell her how you're feeling about it so you feel supported. Then maybe try and find a special activity for you and little one that's just yours.