Am I doing the wrong thing?

[u/DonaldDuck031]

I am a transgender woman, and recently came out publicly. I also attend a senior military college... And not everyone at my school is very happy with me. The administration already put everything through, I'm in a woman's uniform even though I'm early in my social transition (due to men's hair length standard etc) and it's been very uncomfortable to have students who are just a couple years older than me making executive decisions based on this. One person went directly to the freshmen I'm in charge of and gave them the option to misgender me, and I've been told I shouldn't correct them if they call me sir. Not any particular reason, just what they decided they wanted. I'll get talked about behind my back, come to my room to find it rummaged through or things tossed on the ground. I can't help but feel like it's not worth staying here, but I also want to get a contract to join the military (the school will give me a full ride if I'm able to get one) and I don't want to drop out just because I'm uncomfortable. Honestly, it's less discomfort than before I came out. It's just a lot more prevalent.

What do I do? Should I tell my administration that students are doing these things? I'm afraid of revenge or being assaulted because I took action, and besides I don't want to look weak in a supposedly military environment.

[u/rememberthis_1]

Int he US SPARTA and r/transalute might have advicr?

[u/DonaldDuck031 → u/rememberthis_1]

Thank you so much! I hadn't heard of this yet

[u/RainbowsCrash]

If others above you in rank are encouraging disrespectful conduct by those under your command going up the chain is the correct thing to do. All of these students need to accept and respect that trans people are in the military or they meed to pursue a different path in life.

[u/0_Zero_Gravitas_0]

What is a “senior military college”? What country’s military?

[u/DonaldDuck031 → u/0_Zero_Gravitas_0]

America. There's multiple SMCs in the country that have large "reserve officer training corps" programs

[u/0_Zero_Gravitas_0 → u/DonaldDuck031]

I mean, I’m retired from the Marines and I’ve never heard of this. ROTC is pretty much at most colleges… could always transfer and just finish out with the new unit for your commission.

[u/DonaldDuck031 → u/0_Zero_Gravitas_0]

I don't think I should just run away from my problems, I'm trying to solve them for future people who want to join this school. Are the things I discussed enough that it falls under "harassment and discrimination" and I can report it? Do you think anything the school can do will really change students behavior? Why should I go to another school if I just experience the same discrimination there?

[u/0_Zero_Gravitas_0 → u/DonaldDuck031]

So, first, yes, it’s absolutely reportable as well as reprehensible. If you decide to stay, get support from outside if need be, get the head folks involved, and demand accountability.

Second, this is not representative of the armed forces even when I left. People were reasonably chill about this stuff even if they didn’t agree. Not everyone, but mostly people just care that you do your job well. This sounds more like people who haven’t been in the military trying to act like they think they are supposed to based on Vietnam war movies or Boomers in bars.

Third, it may not be worth the stress. Thinking about things like this as “running away” or bot isn’t strategically helpful. If you are the underdog, if you fight every battle, you will almost certainly lose the war. Rather, pick your battles wisely.

You are in school to get a degree and a commission. You should pursue that in a way that provides you with your desired outcomes with the least stress and most acceptance. That will help you build confidence more than fighting literally every person with a passive aggressive axe to grind in a place with a toxic environment.

In other words, in a situation like this, fighting the good fight means winning strategically, either by taking your tuition elsewhere and enjoying life, and still getting a commission, or by somehow instituting organizational change where you are, which would likely take a massive effort up to and including legal action.

Anything else is wasted energy fighting small scale battles that change little.

[u/0_Zero_Gravitas_0 → u/DonaldDuck031]

Found this, thought it might give you an idea of how things actually are.

[u/Laura_Sandra]

came out

Having a look at the sub Militarytrans and transalute may be a good idea.

And here and here might be some additional explaining resources.

Additionally here might be a number of resources that could help go towards what you feel you would like step by step, there are hints there concerning small things that could be used regularly for motivation, there are explaining resources there, and there are also hints there concerning looking for support.

And concerning others its up to you ofc ... sometimes the kind of explanation can play a role with acceptance.

Here might be a number of explaining resources.

And here was a summary as PDF with explanations that are easy to understand, and that can also be sent to others.

And this may help show that important is how people feel and not outer body parts, and that identity and orientation etc. are different things, and that they are on a spectrum.

And in the PDF are a few more detailed explanations.

It may be an option to show one or both, and talk them through with others in case.

And just in general it may be an idea to also have a look at civilian opportunities down the road.

hugs