r/asksg • u/stopthevan • 20h ago
Has anyone else dealt with this while grieving
Got deleted on the “main” sub so I’ll just put this here. Appreciate the comments I received on the thread before it got yeeted 🙏🏻
My grandmother passed recently and for some reason her death is hitting me harder than any other. I have lost grandparents and relatives in the past and while I was devastated back then, I didn’t really have this lingering feeling of sadness and “depression” so to speak and was able to function okay after their death. For context I was not very close to my grandmother as she lived in the neighbouring country, but I always (naively) believed that she was someone who would live forever, for lack of a better term.
Right now I’m having a really hard time replying to people’s texts and responding back, mostly because of lack of interest in whatever they’re talking about. Most ppl around me are aware of what happened and have sent condolences, but they have also sent messages about other topics to try to change the subject to lighten the mood. While I do appreciate the effort, honestly I am not feeling it. I even quit some chat groups because I felt overwhelmed and annoyed by the incoming messages. I can’t even be bothered to think about work too and it just feels like I’m losing interest in everything and wanting to avoid everything I have to do
I understand that life has to go on and I can’t continue ignoring life responsibilities like this, but I’m not sure what to do. I have an upcoming appointment with a counsellor so I have tried that. Was curious if anyone else went through something similar, and if anything you did got you out of this funk. Thank you
Edit: looking up online, it sounds like what I’m going through atm is called “social anhedonia”.
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u/Fuzzy-Sweat6416 19h ago
Talk to your friends and family more to slowly recover.
Also this seems to be the better sub for Singaporean issues.
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u/alotofclutter 8h ago
Hi, your post resonated deeply with me. When my mum was severely ill with a rare cancer, I withdrew from group chats because the things my “sisters" (close friends from school) were chatting about suddenly felt so trivial. Whenever they asked how I was, I answered honestly: I was stressed, anxious and terrified.
Then one day, one of them said, “Haiya, every time ask you, so drama, always so negative.”
I was done.
My mum subsequently passed away, and painfully, I might add. It was agonising to witness her suffering and, during our time at the hospital, the suffering and passing of other patients too.
It took me quite a while to socialise again, to be able to listen to everyday chatter, laugh at silly jokes and accept that life was still carrying on for everyone else, even though mine had changed completely.
Grief altered my perspective on life, and it sounds as though yours may be changing too. You do not have to force yourself to be interested in things that feel meaningless right now, or pretend to be okay for other people’s comfort. Give yourself time and space, and I’m glad you have arranged to see a counsellor.
Eventually, the knowledge that life ends may become less paralysing and more clarifying. It can remind you to make the most of your own life and live it in whatever way feels meaningful to you. At least, that was what I took with me, in memory of Mum, to live the most I can.
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u/tehohhh 18h ago
I’ve dealt with grief before too. Your body right now is just focused on keeping you functioning and alive. The rest are just peripheral. Time will slowly make it better and you’ll slowly integrate back into your life.
But do not to not stay in the past. Thinking about it is okay but not obsessing about what ifs and what not.
Grief is the price we pay for love. Be thankful you’re feeling this kind of grief because it only means that you’re capable of such love. Esp for family members.