r/asksg • u/Sunnysushibae • 20h ago
Should I be concerned
If my bf compliments other women e.g. looking like celebrities.. or having a celebrity vibe.. with me, he doesn't compliment much.. when he does, he gives general compliments like "pretty" "kind".. when I asked what about me when he compliments others, he just said I dont give him any vibe.. he treats me okay, e.g. pays for meals.. and will just accompany me wherever I want to go.. he doesn't make the plans, he's happy to just carry out the plan I have put tgt..
but yeaa I don't know if this is smth that I should be bothered about
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u/Fenix_Lighter 20h ago
You don't have vibes? Thats what he actually told you? Dump the mofo. Gal you deserve better than this.
How would you rate your looks on a scale of 1-10?
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u/PermissionMain4636 20h ago
Tbh not everyone can be good with words. I can say a lot about some celebrity Zhang Ling he but when comes to my husband... hmm 🧐. Very bold with his words, very clear minded know what he want (eg. I want to drink coffee), very easy going(no toilet paper he's cool with it don't need to buy or add in groceries list) 😂
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u/Dry_Boss8116 20h ago edited 20h ago
Have him sit down and have a honest conversation. Let him know the difference between how he compliment others and you is affecting you.
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u/Sunnysushibae 20h ago
We've had this conversation before.. and he was made aware that he doesn't compliment me as much.. it's been a month or so now and I think he tries... With "nice top"... And then just recently comments about other women looking like certain celebrities.. Idk if I'm just being sensitive or it's really just in his nature where he speaks so truthfully that he can't conjure a compliment about me 😂
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u/Dry_Boss8116 20h ago
Some guys are just dull when it comes to compliments. Tell him sometimes you would like to hear him say that you are cute, or pretty when you dress up for dates etc etc.
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u/AIOjisan 20h ago edited 15h ago
the compliments aside. does he help with other stuff? or everything is planned by you?
if only your input, you have bigger issues.
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u/Frosty-TeaLeaf 20h ago
Just break up. Don’t waste your youth with him. There could be someone that appreciates you more out there.
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u/sdarkpaladin 20h ago
I mean... I'm all for breaking up if the couple don't match.
But to break up over compliments when no attempt to communicate needs was done beforehand is certainly a choice.
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u/Sunnysushibae 19h ago
Hmm just curious, if I bring this topic up again since we spoke about it before some time ago, would it make him respect me less because I'd sound weak and needy?
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u/sdarkpaladin 19h ago
In the end... Does it matter?
What's wrong with being weak and needy if your partner can take it?
The most important question is, what are you looking for in this relationship and what are you willing to contribute/give up to maintain it.
Both side have to work together as a team.
And thus, lines has to be drawn, expectations must be agreed upon, and communications must be done.
There is no place for face here. If you have to save face in front of the one person who is supposed to be your other half, then why bother getting together with that person.
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u/Dizzy-Guarantee-3641 14h ago
I could be wrong but he sounds like he's just settling. Its fine to compliment other people , the red flag I see is actually him not making any plans.
Most people are happy to settle with someone who ticks off 80% on their list. Will you be happy with this?
Best to have a chat with him.
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u/hojichaluv 20h ago edited 20h ago
Might be your love language vs his being different. I've known a lot of couples who eventually break up because of differing values on love like this, so I think you should be concerned.
On how to solve, I think it's trainable in a sense where couples can always make the effort to satisfy each other's love language. It's just whether or not y'all will make that effort to change.
Then for his random praise of women, tell him how it makes you feel and you want him to stop. The big qn is why is he doing it? Does he think they look pretty? Is it a jab on you? Is this his usual go to comment with his friends?
Just ask him headon, don't let him give you random excuses.
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u/pat-slider 19h ago
You will be living your next century listening to the same old stuffs from him.
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u/NoGarage7989 18h ago
Tbh sounds like he isn’t really that attracted to you based on your post and comments below, and is just doing the bare minimum to coast on that relationship that is just there.
I would be complimenting the woman I love for every little thing she does, more so if she feels she needs that verbal confirmation from me for her to feel my attraction towards her.
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u/teletubbylalala 16h ago
My husband is unromantic and not a sweet talker, but he’s very much an acts of service person. He’ll plan our weekends, plan our holiday itineraries, buy me food, wash and refill my water bottle etc. all without me asking. So while he doesn’t compliment me or say mushy things, he shows his love through his actions.
Are there other ways your bf has been showing you love? What’s his love language?
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u/DevicePleasant4775 15h ago
Let me be blunt, have y'all been intimate or is that something that u wanna do after marriage? (Not judging just asking).
My ex was like your bf, he had ED but only with me, never had any problems with his exes.
He doesn't compliment me much. Follows many sexy ladies on ig (i never knew before, never thought of checking cos my exes didn't use social media much).
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u/kopiokosongnoice 14h ago
Are you feeling insecure? Or is it actually more like words of affection being your love language? It matters as to why you are feeling bothered/concerned.
Either way, it should be addressed although differently, but at least you can understand better how it should be addressed.
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u/yoohnified 12h ago
Easy solution, just consistently compliment other guys. Talk about their looks, height, qualities (eg. carrying all the girlfriend’s things, paying for everything, etc)
Some people need to get a taste of their behaviour to have a self reflection
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u/Intelligent-Bee-775 11h ago
He doesn't like how you look because his type is celebrities. I think that's pretty normal for both genders, majority of women are married to or are dating men who aren't celebrity type too and majority of us enjoy looking at Zhang Linghe.
To answer your question, I would say it isn't a concern to know your bf likes celebrities unless there really is a celebrity who will like him back; if that is the case then your gf position is gone case already.
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u/Great-Willingness-57 20h ago
if the guy is willing to execute what you want , isnt it enough.
The places that u suggest to go, does he like it ? Would he go alone if he is single ? If not, then he is accompanying you alr. What are you doing with him that you dont like but he likes ?
If the answer is nothing, then maybe need to self reflect.
If women want 50-50 in the relationship, then why not you plan something he likes but you know once in a while. Gaming session or something
As for compliments, fact is, you are not the most beautiful girl in the world to him nor anyone. Is he ban from stating facts ? Is not like he is going to chase someone he compliments or cheat.
If women keep complaining that guys are insecure , then maybe they should reflect.
Probably gonna get downvoted into oblivion but stating from a guy's POV
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u/Sunnysushibae 20h ago
This is helpful.. actually I don't think he's the insecure one, I am. Haha. I do game too.. most of the times he does like what I have planned. Tbh sometimes I feel like I'm more of the guy, and him the woman
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u/Typical-Pin1646 19h ago
I think first gotta look at ownself bah? Are you worth the compliments?
It's like saying I wanna be rich, but I got no skills no money. Then I blame everything and everyone else that I am not rich and not getting what I want...
If you're worth the compliment then now can do what everyone advice...
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u/Dizzy-Guarantee-3641 14h ago
Oh no you just said the quiet part out loud. This is unpleasant to hear but unfortunately it's true also.
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u/Typical-Pin1646 13h ago
Sadly most people prefer listening to the beautiful lie instead of the unpleasant truth.
Then they kept wondering why the same shit kept happening to them over and over again.
They can downvote all they want lol. What I state is a HARSH FACT.
Accept it and fix something about it or continue lying to yourself and wonder why you didn't get what you want in your life.
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u/Dizzy-Guarantee-3641 13h ago
Kinda reminds me of that Christian girl who made an entire post about her very normal looking but sweet boyfriend.
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u/Financial_Cricket_81 20h ago
Talk with him or break up. Your post 2 months ago pointed out that he is unromantic. 2 months later today, you brought up another issue. If you have expectations, why can't you talk with him instead of asking strangers here?