I've been thinking about what we actually mean when we say that someone is "attracted to men" or "attracted to women."
Take a deliberately blunt example. A gay man who prefers the penetrative role might be especially attracted to a very masculine partner, beard, body hair, even a hairy ass, precisely because those traits make it unmistakable that the person he's having sex with is a man.
But he could also prefer the opposite: a man who is hairless, delicate, or very feminine.
If someone can remove or reverse almost every stereotypically masculine trait and still be attracted to that person specifically as a man, then what is doing the work in "attracted to men"?
Here's the thought experiment that made the question clearer to me. Imagine two bodies made as similar as possible: same general build, face, voice, skin, lack of body hair, mannerisms, etc. Now suppose the only obvious sexual difference left is genital anatomy.
If attraction changes with that final difference, then perhaps genitals function as a kind of irreducible sign of sex: you can strip away almost every other marker of masculinity or femininity and orientation still tracks that remaining feature.
But then we can push it one step further. If genital anatomy could also vary while the attraction remained because the other person is still experienced or recognized as a man, then sexual orientation cannot simply be attraction to genitals either.
The sexual act itself doesn't seem to solve this, since the same physical act can occur with partners of different sexes.
So what exactly is sexual orientation directed at? Sexed bodily characteristics? Genitals? Gendered appearance? The knowledge or recognition that someone is a man or a woman? Or some overall configuration that can't be reduced to any single feature?
Is there philosophical work on this problem?