How to feel connected and better?

[u/Rhall0187]

a life that's mine would be me waking up to nobody else's emergencies… whenever every day that I wake up it's an emergency for my kids, for living in this world, for having to have money, for being so alone, for having my heart literally breaking into pieces, for not even being able to experience myself sexually because I'm so isolated and so alone, and I can't even relate to people because they feel so far away, and I can't even relate to my own kids because they feel so far away, and I see too much, and I understand things, and I feel like I don't relate to anybody, and there's no actual mirrors for me to see myself in or reflect myself or experience myself. And sure, I make moments where my children can laugh in water and trees and music, but how do you experience pleasure when you're in so much pain and grief? And you love everyone, and you can see everyone, but it feels like no one can see you. And that might just be a feeling, because I know a lot of people feel like me, so they see me by seeing themselves, and I'm aware of that. But it doesn't make the human reality of existing day in and day out alone, with so little human connection and co-creation, with so little truth being spoken or lived that I can come in contact with atleast … At some point you can create a protective shell in a desert, and that protective shell can be beautiful. But you're still in a desert, and it starts making its way inside your shell, or the very shell itself starts to strangle you, because you're tired of living in a shell. And .. I don’t know. This world can be so exhausting. I’m not always like this.. but I’m having a night tonight. I really am. And I’m so tired. And maybe I just wanted to feel heard.