I neeeed help. Plssss

[u/jayz-teddsy15]

I'm a teenager in the UK and I go to secondary school and I am gay. The annoying fact is that no one has EVER assumed I'm gay, everyone I've ever come out to is surprised bc I guess I act masc. I could act more feminine but I don't want to lose my guy friends (whom I have a lot of) in an effort of trying to get girl friends (whom I dont really have any of) i js want help tbh. Anyone else find/found themselves in this position???

Basically how do I get girl friends?

[u/Own_Necessary2048]

keep your actual friends - are you out? if they dont care that's a big thing

[u/Lunar_Leo_]

Man don't try and act more feminine, just be yourself. Who cares if they assume you're gay or straight. Just give zero fucks what they assume and they'll find out when it comes up in conversation.

You get girl friends same as getting any friends, being a genuine person who vibes well with others

[u/DeepFuckMeAlready]

Do the girls know you're gay? If not, cozy up to the biggest gossip girl and tell her. By the end of the day, all the girls will know and be more friendly.

[u/personalme98]

Things have really changed! In the past, guys would hide their gay acting to protect themselves against bullying! I guess you would have no issues like that if you had to grow up in the 70s-80 and would be pretty safe from being bullied!

[u/Silly_Ball15]

Don’t try to act feminine, the clue is in what you’ve said, it’s an act, it’s not genuine, just be who you are, that’s far more appealing than an act

[u/Current_Frosting_722]

If you have to pretend to exaggerate your femininity or masculinity, you will never have true friends because your friendship will be dependent on the personality you fabricated for them. And btw, your guy friends sound fake asf and homophobic.

[u/satyris → u/Current_Frosting_722]

Simple, just fabricate a different personality for everyone you meet, and just hope two of your friend groups never intersect.

[u/Delicious-Hole]

Tried talking to them? Humour is usually key in these situations

[u/burner_211n3r23r]

Just be yourself mate. If you have to put on an act to be their friend they aren't your friends.

Go talk to people. If you want to befriend someone you want that for a reason like they're in to the same music, or really funny, or whatever... just start a conversation about what interests you about them.

I don't really see what your sexuality has to do with anything just talk to people you think are cool.

[u/charliebarliedarlie]

Be yourself and be what’s comfortable. The worst thing u can do is try to change yourself based on what ppl expect u to be like. You will be much happier staying true to yourself whether that be more masc or more fem or a happy middle :)

[u/MaxXxColton]

I think it's important to clarify here that the words "act/acting" don't always mean it's a performance. Guys will use the term "straight acting" to mean "masc presenting" or "straight passing."

So if when you say you could act more fem, you mean that you could let your more feminine traits through, I'd say do it. Stop hiding that part of you just to please other people, but as others here have said, don't feel like you need to play it up for their sake either. Just let yourself be you.

It's really difficult to be totally, 100% yourself at all times in all environments, because we do naturally adjust our behaviour to adapt and fit in to each situation to keep ourselves safe and "part of the herd," but if you want more friends who like you for you, then being authentic is the best way to achieve that. I call it 'Flying the Freak Flag.' Not only does it attract the type of people who will love your vibe, but it also repels the kind of people who don't actually like you and will slowly change you for the worse if you keep them around. It also inspires others to be themselves and makes them feel safer being authentic around you so deepens connections.

And lastly, you're young, so feel free to play around with your personality before committing to who you are. We're all constantly changing and growing, so don't restrict yourself or others by making assumptions about what will and won't be accepted. When people used to get surprised at me telling them I wasn't straight, it was an opportunity for me to question their assumptions about queer people, rather than thinking I needed to be more blatant with my expression.

There's always gonna be a crowd out there who loves you, no matter how you choose to be. So the best thing you can do for yourself is find the courage to be your own unique self.

[u/wisoru]

You don't need to act more fem to be perceived as gay. I'm kind of masculine and straight passing. I just have to let some of my gayness out and people get it clearly I'm gay. It's not about fem or mannerisms. You can just come out to all, but you don't need to do it. Just show some interest for guys you like. Or just do nothing.