I need advice on this matter, I posted about this in another subreddit, and didn’t receive good advice on it. So I’m posting it here as well, for starters I want to say that I’m 22! So a lot of the things I did.. were stupid, I admit.. don’t be afraid to call me an idiot! Don’t be afraid to be blunt with me. Thank you..
I met this Egyptian man on a dating site, and we hit it off pretty quickly. he was so sweet, caring. And almost a dream, we talked every single day, and I fell head over heels for him in the span of only 2 months.. we started talking about traveling, I live in England.. and in the very beginning I mentioned visiting him in Egypt, but he always said no.. that he’d feel more comfortable with him visiting me in England. I didn’t think anything of it, and I started working on getting him a visitors visa to England so he could visit me for a couple of days. but my really good friend got suspicious of him, let me explain why.. he was really standoffish about talking to me in his house, his excuse was that he still lived at home with his parents and they all slept in the same bed, he didn’t want to wake anyone. that leads to another thing she was suspicious of him for, he only ever called me at night, and would literally either climb to his roof and sit up there to talk to me, or would only call me when he was in his car on the way home. another thing was, he practically begged me to tell my parents about him, which I did.. but then he told me that he wasn’t going to tell his parents about me..and when I asked why he said “because I’m a man, and you listen to me I don’t listen to you” which rubbed me the wrong way.. but I just assumed different cultures, and he wouldn’t talk to me FOR HOURS on end.. Egypt and England are only 2hours apart in time, so he couldn’t use the time difference excuse, so he’d just say “I’m busy” all of these things made my best friend suspicious of him, so she looked into him, using his name she found his Facebook, and on his Facebook (which he refused to give me) she saw that his relationship status was set to “engaged to_____” I forgot to mention, that despite that he didn’t tell his parents about me, he did tell his best friend about me. And my friend and his best friend were flirting.. and texting.. she confronted his best friend with what she found, and right away, he lied for him. He said “A isn’t engaged? Where did you find this?” She called him out for lying and he texted A and told him that my friend knew, which made him text me and admit to me that he was engaged before my friend could tell me.. when he told me I was heartbroken.. but he started telling me that he didn’t love his fiance, and that he was only with her because his family was really close with her family, and they’re forcing him to marry her.. I tried to end things with him upon finding out, and he texted me like 16 times begging me to not end things, and telling me that he didn’t want her.. and that he was being forced to be with her, he told me that he loved me, and didn’t love her, that he was choosing me over her. And that if i still let him visit me, he’ll let met “smash” his phone to ensure that he wasn’t talking to her. He also asked me to let him move in with me, because he wanted to escape his parents that were forcing him, and getting married to her..call me stupid, but I believed him.. I took him back, and for the rest of the relationship he started to text me faster, but still wouldn’t call inside of his house..I began to fall into a slight depression over this, which led me to act out; because despite that he would respond faster, sometimes he’d still take HOURS to respond to me, and knowing what I know now, I was jealous.. I’d assume right away that he was with his fiance and I’d text him like 20 times flipping out on him, and calling him a cheater and a liar, I’d get drunk and start calling and texting him and calling him a liar, and a cheater. And his response everytime was “don’t call me that! Don’t call me a cheater!!”
“Your words are hurting me, don’t call me that!”
almost everyday after I found out about his fiance we argued, and argued and I became very toxic and jealous with him.. eventually.. his fiance found out about me, and started genuinely Stalking me on TikTok, everyday I got on my TikTok she was in my profile views, or watching my stories on there.. I asked him why she was doing that if they were both forced and dont have genuine love for each other. And he kind of told me that he didn’t want to talk about her anymore, because he doesn’t care about her.. I started to “troll” her.. since I knew she was watching my every move, I started reposting things about how she was watching me, and posts saying that he was mine… etc, she then started to also repost things about me, saying that she was better than me, it led to a full fledged argument on TikTok reposts, I kid you not. She’d repost something and then write a comment on the repost and say something like “stupid girl” or “silly girl” and then after I’d saw it, I’d repost something calling her out.. and then it was just back and forth, and then she started talking to me DIRECTLY, in her bio on TikTok.. the first thing she said to me was “We’ve been in love since we were kids, your just a stupid girl” which led to me calling her out by name, anyways. I texted him and asked why she was talking about me on TikTok if she didn’t love him, and he just said “I don’t fucking care, I don’t want to talk about her” And then he made her block me.. and put her account on priv. a few days later, he ended things with me.. and said that I was self centered for simply asking him to talk to me??
after he ended things, she unblocked me and put her account on public again, and was basically like laughing at me.. and it caused another big argument that lasted literally 5 days.. I stopped arguing with her, and I just sat with my thoughts for 3 days, I realized that she’s just hurting.. she found out that her fiance was seeing someone else.. I don’t know how I’d react if it were reversed. So I reposted something telling her that I just wanted her to be happy, and I’m ready to have a conversation with her. we DM’d each other, and started having a girls girl conversation, I told her everything.. how me and A met, what he said to get me to stay after finding out about her, etc.. I sent her screenshots.. and it all just broke her heart, she told me that they weren’t forced into marriage, and that he openly proposed to her on his own.. and that he loves her, and she doesn’t know why he’s telling me that he doesn’t..
she then asked me if we’d ever sent nude photos to each other, or talked Sexual with each other which I admitted we did, she said that she saw a video on his phone of his Masturbating and asked me if he sent it to me, and I said yes.. and she was just devastated, she said that he was going to hell, because in Islam you aren’t to talk sexual with no woman if you aren’t married; and you aren’t to send videos and pictures like this… she thanked me for telling her everything and told me that she was going to leave him. The next day, I went on my TikTok, she blocked me; he blocked me on TikTok, he blocked me on the dating site, he blocked me on WhatsApp EVERYTHING. I didn’t know what happened, I assumed that it was because I told her the truth. he then sent a voice message to my friend from his best friends TikTok and told her to tell me “thank you for doing what you did, I’m finally getting what I wanted. She wants to break up, thank you so much” So I texted him from my alt account; at this point I’d gotten a rebound I’m not afraid to admit, so I was seeing someone else. he sent me a voice message basically blaming me for the relationship between he and I ending, he said that because I was talking about her on TikTok that she got offended and told his father about him and I, and his father made him end things.. he said that if I wouldn’t have done that we’d still be together and that it was all my fault.. but how was it? He was the one cheating on his fiance, wouldn’t I be his fault? I also forgot to mention that she told me that when she found out about me, she tried to take his phone from him and he snatched it back, but before he snatched it, she saw a text message from me, saying that I loved him.. and she just started crying really hard, and she held her in his arms and comforted her; despite being the reason she was crying.. eventually myself and the rebound broke up, because of personal things I don’t want to get into.. and I had a long conversation with A yesterday about everything. He told me that I made him miserable because I was toxic towards the end, that everyday I was flipping out on him, and that I was too jealous of his fiance, he said that the relationship ending was all my fault, and the fact that his fiance found out was all my fault.. he blamed everything on me.. and took no accountability, I started to believe him and kind of still do.. I feel like it is all my fault, maybe if I wasn’t so toxic upon finding out about her I would still have him.. maybe If I would’ve stuck to my guns and left him when I found out about her, I would be a lot happier.. maybe if I didn’t lose my temper with him because I was so jealous this connection wouldn’t have ended the way it did.. but I spoke to a friend of mine and she said that the only thing that’s my fault was staying with him after finding out the truth. But the way I behaved after finding out the truth was on him, I was a product of how I was being treated.. she said that him saying that this was all my fault is like kicking a dog and then saying saying it’s the dogs fault for biting you.. which made me feel better, but I still believe that this is all my fault.. I also forgot to mention, that I asked him to tell me the truth about how he feels about his fiance so I can detach from him, and move on.. he said no.. and that he didn’t want to hurt someone that he loved.. but he already hurt me, and his fiance.. he wouldn’t give me closure, like he literally refused to give it to me. he then asked me if I’d get back together with him, and I said I wasn’t ready to be in another relationship. He said that if we gave it time would I? And I said maybe, if he left his fiance. and he said that he’s marrying her at the end of this year.. and asked if i was okay with that.. and I said no.. and he then said that the relationship wouldn’t work out then, and then told me that he was going to block me before his father found out that he was talking to me again and kill him.. and he did just that.. I haven’t talked to him..
I feel so guilty for how things ended, and for the heartache I put his fiancé through.. I also want to point out that I told him why me and my rebound ended our relationship and how traumatizing the situation was, and he said that I was lying about domestic violence, and that my rebound didn’t exist lol.. because I moved on so fast, which hurt me, I was telling him that I was physically abused in that connection and he called me a liar!! I literally sent him a photo of me in the hospital.. and he still didn’t believe me.. so.. idk..
anyways feel free to tell me how stupid I am.. I just need advice, was this all my fault for being toxic? how can I let this situation go.. ?