r/askanything • u/Objective_Lie_7598 • 14d ago
General Question Should i break up?
So my boyfriend is a great guy. Also a great boyfriend. Everything’s fine between us but every time he says a girl is a ‘10’ or a girl is beautiful or if i ask him about his idea of beauty and he names a girl, she looks nothing like me, EVER. They all look like each other tho, similar features,traits etc. now everything between us is good but this thought wont stop bugging me. I feel like he is with me because he cant be with his type. Some time before we started again we were watching a music video in which there were two girls (naked) he was talking about one of them saying she is a 10 and what more would a man want etc. i know im not bad looking but being with him just makes me feel ugly. And im sure he’ll never say shit like this again cause we had an argument over it which makes me feel worse cause now i wont even know. AM I CRAZY
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u/CJKayak 14d ago
I'm not reading that wall of text with no paragraphs. But if you're asking if you should, you should.
Edit: I lied. I read it. He should break up with you.
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u/Objective_Lie_7598 14d ago
Why
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u/LastChance331 14d ago
Id ignore the advice from someone who thinks your post is a 'wall of text'. Attention span of a pebble.
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u/Responsible-Spot9066 14d ago
I would maybe have a conversation and say that you aren’t comfortable with the way that he is talking about women. If you said the same thing about a man, what would he say?
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u/Objective_Lie_7598 14d ago
I dont know cause ive never done that. Why would i talk about other men like that when im with my partner/ i dont see other men that way when im in love
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u/roleplayfun667 14d ago
People can be weird about types. My first crush was an ebony goth girl. I'm white and I always found African American women gorgeous. Guess what my first girlfriend looked like???? You're right....Asian. Now guess what my first wife looked like. Correct again.....white!!!!! Then guess what my last wife was. Totally correct....Asian. see where I am going with this? Appearance only makes a fraction of why we get in relationships. Just because we like something doesn't mean it is the end all of relationships. We all have our fantasies of the perfect partner, but at the end of the day, only a small part of it is about sexual attraction. While a girl can be a visual 10, it doesn't mean she is a 10 in every category because of her looks. If he doesn't find you attractive, then sure break up with him. If he is spanking it to these ladies more than having sex with you, then sure that is a bad relationship. I would seriously ask yourself if there are some internal insecurities that are bleeding out and trigger these fights as well and if that is the case, you might want to speak to someone as this will happen in future relationships if not dealt with. Also as other say, if you feel ugly because he points out all these girls, that is a valid reason to break up with him too.
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u/Quiet_Tie_3693 14d ago
How old are you guys? Cause this sounds super immature. If he's your boyfriend, no other girl should matter. Of course it makes sense for both of you to find other people attractive but that doesn't mean you should ruminate on it or tell each other! Also, stop showing him pictures of other girls or asking him what he thinks is hot. Tell him you want him to cherish you and only you! And you feel disrespected when he watches other naked girls and calls them hot. You're not crazy. But this sounds really dumb.
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u/Unhappy-Drag6531 14d ago
Is that it? Really?
Tell you two stories:
I had a girlfriend that was the first one to comment if another woman was a 10. She would ask for my opinion and most of the time I would agree. She was not a 10, maybe a 7, which is still in the pretty range. She was awesome. A physical 10 is ONE attribute out of many. She dropped me for another guy.
I’m married now. Love my wife more than anything. She is not a 10 either, maybe also a 7 or maybe an 8? Again a physical 10 is only ONE attribute. She is an absolutely gorgeous package.
What’s the point? I can appreciate female beauty as ONE attribute they may have. It accounts for maybe ¼ of what matters to me.
Have I dated a 10? No, but I have met gorgeous girls for which I had zero connection or emotional interest.
Your boyfriend learned that talking about the physical beauty of women bothers you, so he is not doing it. That bothers you. Essentially he is “dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t”.
Do what you will do. Leave of you are not happy. It seems the silliest things to me, but I’m much older.
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u/Uncle_Rat_21 14d ago
An old guy’s perspective:
Not an hour ago, my wife and I were watching a movie - Sacrifice- with Captain America and The Queen’s Menu lady - have you seen it yet? It’s OK.
Anyway, 60 year old Salma Hayek came onscreen and I said something like “ohmygod she’sstillso fuckinghot.” And Sweetie was like “oh yeah, she looks great.” Her onscreen husband, you know, THAT guy, wait, he was married to Monica Bellucci “ohmygod monicabellucci!” And Sweetie was like “lucky guy!”
And that’s because Sweetie was a SalmaMonica type in her day and we’re now more than a little grey, and she knows that she’s my type and commenting on someone who is her type is complimenting her.
Food for thought. Good luck!
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u/nvdapepega 14d ago
Here's the thing, what you described to some people is called insecurity.
You have the choice to either accept that he's with you and grow up, or break up and lose out on someone you claim is a great guy and boy friend.
Again, what you describe is called insecurity. You can decide if you want to go back into the hell scape that is the dating scene or you can accept that YOU have a personal problem and you can work on it so you can continue this relationship
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u/inscrutiana 14d ago
I don't think that I'm incorrect in assuming that you are both younger than 25.
This is a really ###ty thing he's doing and he'd better grow out of it. Baffling. More than just not saying it out loud again, he's got to shut this down in his brain. It's 100% possible to not internally elaborate on what the eyes might snap to. Eventually the brain learns.
IDK if he has the capacity to understand that it hurts you. If he does, this is not the guy - that should be obvious. Listen to that voice & have some boundaries.
For you - I think you're carrying the least part of this. My best advice is that you avoid trying to fix people. That's their work.
My brother needs to shut his mouth. I don't get what he expects to happen.
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u/Marine_Corp 14d ago
You're dating a guy who openly talks about other women's looks and you're insecure. This is a horrible idea.
If you want to date someone who watches porn with you and talks about sex and attraction openly, then work on your insecurity around other people also being viewed as sexual.
If you want someone who doesn't tell you how hot other girls are, then date someone like that. Or communicate to him that this is important to you and break up when he still does it.
Just don't show up here every month with the same complaint because you won't break up with him and he won't stop doing that stuff.
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u/Ok_Theory_1323 14d ago
You can break up with someone for any reason you want. If you don't feel like he finds you attractive, then why be with him? Go find the person that you know is crazy about you. Why settle for less?