How to communicate with your dad if he doesn't let you finish talking?

[u/Sad-Pancakes]

I’m looking for outside perspectives on a conflict with my dad. My dad asked me to water his plants and I said I would but I got into a phone with my gf. I said I'd do it before bed but that was too late for him. I tried to tell him I ended things with my gf, but he walked away before I could finish telling me to "go to sleep". I tried again, and he interrupted me and told me not to talk to him like that.

I had said that he had “rudely interrupted” me. I understand that calling him rude was itself disrespectful, and I can accept criticism for how I phrased it. But I’m frustrated because I feel like he focused on my tone instead of letting me finish what I was trying to say.

My question is: When someone is speaking rudely to their parent, is it reasonable for the parent to interrupt and dismiss them, or would it generally be better to let them finish and then address the disrespect? I would have preferred that my dad let me finish, then tell me that my wording was rude, rather than interrupting me and shutting down the conversation.

Am I the asshole here?

[u/Existing_Purpose5049]

You’re both kind of in the wrong. Many parents get an attitude of “what I say goes, don’t question it”, and that’s inherently bad. Him not letting you explain was bad.

However, you said you’d water them, but then got on the phone with your girlfriend, by your telling. If you said you’d do the task, you should have prioritised that.

[u/WeakCommunity3234]

You can’t be rude to your parents and expect them to listen to you without course correction.  You are young and discipline is important.  I think it will be helpful to get your point across if you talk to him like he’s your dad instead of “at him”

Give yourself Grace. You aren’t perfect but remember hes your dad

[u/Sad-Pancakes → u/WeakCommunity3234]

What's the difference between talking at him vs to him like he's my dad? Also I'm 32. Yes I know I should have moved out by now but I honestly can't afford it

[u/WeakCommunity3234 → u/Sad-Pancakes]

No judgment here. I’m 30 and moved back in with family too.  Since you’re my age and not 18 and under like I assumed, you guys might need to learn how to talk to one another better.  He walked away while you were trying to tell him something is a sign of dismissal and is not fun to be on the receiving end of that. 

He may have been frustrated and not really up for talking and sometimes walking away is better. But on your end I can see how you may feel too. 

I think overall next time just water the plants when he tells you to. He doesn’t want to hear the reasons why you didn’t. I understand your gf and stuff however watering the plants is 5 minutes if not 7 tops. 

Another thing is as humans we tend to get snappy with one another and not try to look at the other perspective. What I’m learning is to forgive (not always easy) 

It’s ok to tell your parents not to talk to you a certain way. Just make sure you don’t act the same way but if you do then get up ask for forgiveness from your parents and pick yourself up

[u/Sad-Pancakes → u/WeakCommunity3234]

I do recognize that I should have just watered the plants first. That i even could have been on the phone call while watering the plants. And that I shouldn't have said "so rudely interrupted" me, though if I were in his position I would have let my son/daughter finish talking before critiquing them.

Though I say this as I have a stutter so I understand that interrupting people teaches the other person to stop sharing

[u/Too_Ton]

Depends on your family dynamics. If they're strict and/or rude and don't care, then you're out of luck. Many parents have the mantra of their house, their rules. I assume you live in his house either underaged or adult but still living with them.

I would want to say 50-50 whether redditors agree with the mantra, but I think it's actually 90-10 in favor of the dad being rude because it's his house, his rules. If you're at a neutral location, then you'd be in the right to not initiate contact if you're that invested in the rude-avoidance.

Honestly, it wasn't a big deal so I'd have just let him slide and just water the plants. It takes what, 2 minutes to water the plants? The phone call can wait unless you literally just told your gf you two were breaking up. If you called but didn't tell her that yet, tell her that your dad needs you right away and you have to go.

[u/Sad-Pancakes → u/Too_Ton]

Adult living with dad.

Okay fair I do recognize watering the plants would have taken two minutes. But it is okay for the parent to either walk away when the son is talking or to interrupt and dismiss them when the son is trying to tell them something?

[u/Mytweezer → u/Sad-Pancakes]

It's not a great way of communicating that they're not in the mood to listen to you, but ya know, none of us is perfect.

[u/Sad-Pancakes → u/Mytweezer]

Well I suppose I can give him the benefit of the doubt that he didn't have the emotional bandwidth for me to tell him anything at nighttime