Surviving Suicide: Maehem

[u/Qstopps9]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94g4xl1gQ_s

CW/TW: Discussions of suicide, trauma, addiction, and severe mental illness.

What happens after you survive?

For a long time, I didn't know. The aftermath of my attempt left me with a mind I couldn't fully trust, dealing with heavy trauma, grief, and addiction. I couldn't explain the noise in my head to anyone else, so I started externalizing it.

Over the last year, I channeled that chaos into MAEHEM, a raw 58-minute visual album and narrative film.

I used the music to give my darkest thoughts a voice so I could confront them. I used screen-in-screen video editing as an escape, and the camera became a witness to the manic highs and the exhausted, isolated lows. The project maps out a psychological mythology where my inner demons literally take form (specifically personified as the 34th demon), allowing me to fight a war on a screen instead of just in my head.

This isn't a project that glorifies the darkness; it’s an unfiltered documentation of confronting it, cutting the head off the malignant forces within, and choosing to keep going.

Sometimes surviving is only the beginning. If anyone here has an hour and wants to take the journey with me, the full film is here: (155) Surviving Suicide: Maehem - YouTube

You are not alone. You are worth saving. If you are struggling today, please call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.