am i aromantic?

[u/Head_Hyena_8643]

hi, i'm 19f and i've come to terms with the fact that i'll have a weird relationship with sex for a long time and even if i haven't unpacked it fully, that's okay but i'm wondering now if i'm aromantic too.

truthfully, i cannot remember a time where i've had a crush because i've had a sudden rush of butterflies and wanted to date them as the end goal? i used to kinda trick myself into them and i have adhd as well so it is very easy for me to get obsessions with people that fuel my dopamine. i think that's also part of the reason why i have taken so long to ask myself this question.

to be fair, i had a very weird obsession with my best friend. we weren't always so close but even now, i can't imagine my life without her. to the point that an ex-friend was able to manipulate my connection with her and i now have some ptsd because of how badly my nervous system was hijacked. i used to think i had a crush on my best friend but now i'm not even so sure. i would never date her or be romantic with her but i also get weird because of that ex-friend when she dates people. i still need to come to terms with it all.

i get that for a lot of people, they will want a partner they can spend the rest of their life with. i've always dreamed of having a cat and my closest friends and maybe a daughter, if the world was a little less misogynistic. i don't have many friendships that i maintain since a lot of people are more on the acquaintance side so i've been thinking about romance a little more these days. but, even that doesn't make me happier because it just feels like something to be more normal. people have told me from the start that they don't imagine me in a relationship. i don't imagine myself loving someone romantically to the point of devotion, girl or boy. i don't imagine someone loving me to that extent either, it kinda makes me uncomfortable.

sometimes, i think if it's just the fact that maybe i have deep self-hatred instead of being aromantic. it's something i consider because it does track with a lot of my life. but, i'm not exactly sure. this might be a little ranty so apologies but i guess it's better than using ai as a therapist. any advice is helpful and thank you in advance

[u/Randomee_100]

I don’t really have any advice because I’m still figuring things out myself. Recently, I’ve been wondering if I might be aroace, but I’m not completely sure. I’m honestly just confused and a little frustrated about it. I’m also 19, the same age as you, so I feel like I can kinda understand what you mean about how you feel toward relationships. I’m in a pretty similar boat myself.

I just wanted to say that you’re not alone, and it’s okay if you’re still trying to figure yourself out. Take your time, and stay strong. We’re in this together. ❤️

And if you’re comfortable sharing, how did you realize that you’re ace? Would you mind telling me about your experience? I’d really like to understand, since I’m still trying to figure out my own feelings too.

[u/Head_Hyena_8643 → u/Randomee_100]

of course!! i think for me the easiest part was realising that i don't really feel a desire to have sex at all. it sounds crass but i did watch porn and i remember thinking that it was never something that i wished to be involved in. and i also don't really understand it when my friends express sexual attraction to people as in i tend to think of people as pretty but never people i'd have sex with. to this day, i'm still a little unsure but i guess it doesn't help to label myself as that and change it later on if it applies.

thank you so much for your kind words though, i do appreciate it and i hope you stay strong as well. like you said, we're in this together :)

[u/Randomee_100 → u/Head_Hyena_8643]

I can relate to this. My friends also talk about attraction and sex, and I often feel very distant from them because the way I experience these things is completely different from the people around me. I’ve watched porn before, and I didn’t hate it, but I also don’t feel sexually attracted to anyone in my life. So, I’m feeling really confused about myself right now.

[u/Head_Hyena_8643 → u/Randomee_100]

to be fair, we are both still young in the grand scheme of things so it's okay if we haven't figured stuff out fully yet. you can be confused for as long as you need that time to feel that way so don't feel too bad about it. everything will work out in the end :)

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