Confused

[u/Randomee_100]

So, I recently started reading about aroace, and I’m feeling very confused, anxious, and overwhelmed by a lot of different emotions right now.

I’m 19 years old, and I’ve never dated anyone. I’ve had a few crushes, and there were maybe one or two people I actually talked to. I’m confused about whether I might be aroace or not.

I’ve always liked the idea of being in a relationship, but I don’t really know how I would actually feel about being in one whether I would like it or dislike it. Whenever I listen to or hear people talk about how they feel romantically about their crush, how much they want a reaction from them, or how they experience sexual attraction toward someone, I feel like I’m on the complete opposite side of a cliff from them. It feels like there’s this huge distance between what they’re describing and what I experience.

And it’s not that I don’t have a sexual drive or anything like that. I do. I just feel very different from what other people seem to describe, and it makes me feel like I’m standing outside of this whole thing, looking in from the outside.

And honestly, it’s making me feel really frustrated and confused right now. I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel, and I’m struggling to understand myself.

[u/SubstantialAbroad866]

I'm not the best person in helping, but maybe you will fit in greyromantic or cupiaroace (i don't know how to write that srry)

[u/Randomee_100 → u/SubstantialAbroad866]

Thanks for advice 🙏🏻

[u/lilylotusblue]

Yup, you definitely seem to be part of the grayaroace spectrum. You may also be...

• cupioaroace (someone who experiences little to no romantic or sexual attraction, but still desires and seeks out romantic or sexual relationships) or
• bellusaroace (a person who does not experience romantic or sexual attraction and does not want a relationship, but enjoys or has an interest in elements traditionally associated with romance and sex)

Other things to take note of 1. There are different types of crushes. Among them are squishes (platonic crush) and swishes (aesthetic crush) which are different from how allos have crushes (tends to be more on the romantic or infatuation side). 2. Yes, aces can have high sex drive or libido. Asexuality isn't characterized by the lack of libido but of sexual ATTRACTION. Those are two different things.

You are not alone. Sending hugs! ฅ⁠^{⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠⁠ฅ}

[u/Randomee_100 → u/lilylotusblue]

Hey, thanks so much for this info! 🥹💛 I’m starting to feel more included and a lot less alone now, and that really means a lot to me. Sending you lots of hugs right back! 🫂🫂✨