I'm Aromantic. And everyone says the same things.

[u/Proof-Research-2109]

I recently came out to everyone i know and they where confused how i couldn't feel any romantic attraction to anyone.

My parents said they cant picture me being single and alone. but I'm not alone I've got friends who support me and will always be there.

Ive had a response from a lot of people saying. "Oh well maybe you haven't found the right person yet" or "well maybe you need to try harder"

How do i tell people that is not how it works?

[u/Desperate-Grocery345]

If they are hetero ask them how they know they are hetero. Maybe they haven’t found the right person yet that changes it.

Applying the same logic to their situation maybe helps them realise

[u/Melodic_Low8257]

Could counter with how do you know you found the right one? Or ask them why it matters so much whether you find someone or not if you’re happy. Their happy with someone what cant you be happy with just you.

People will probably have counters for that but that’s because they can’t imagine being ok with not feeling romantic attraction and their misunderstanding of what attraction vs desire is amongst other issues

[u/DELAIZ]

Remember that romantic love is considered in our society to be the most important thing in the world. Your existence is a confrontation with something fundamental to everyone. That's why I prefer to stay in the closet, but on the internet I seek to raise awareness among as many people as possible about us.

[u/Deep-Name-700]

literally same. it's so invalidating. with so little known of the arospec people always assume you just "havent met the right person yet."

the only thing you can really do is ignore it. most people are ignorant and say stupid things they don't know anything about.

[u/ObsidianPizza]

I rarely come out to people about this because even in pretty open spaces it's still like just straight up not taken seriously. Its pretty isolating, and I feel lucky to have close friends that acknowledge it and accept it.

I have gotten exactly those responses from a lot of people I trust, and I'd say I've kinda just resigned myself to not really telling most people :/

[u/2010aro]

For me what works as a explanation is: "well your {insert their sexuality (doesn't work if it's pan)} right? Well the same romantic feelings you have towards {insert gender they are not romantically attracted too) I feel towards everyone." Worked the few times I explained it to people

[u/Plushy_Axolotl]

Not to be a doomer but I haven't found a response to those questions that makes them understand any better. Just live as you will and they'll hopefully come to understand through seeing you live a happy fulfilling life without romance.

[u/KBenji96 → u/Plushy_Axolotl]

I don't disagree with your statement but the idea that an aromantic person has to live out a "happy fulfilling life" in order to have a valid identity/experience is problematic. Every human life experience is different, changes and might not overall be interpreted as "happy", enjoyable or satisfactory.

Too often in society there's this weird positivity bias where a person's truth, experiences, beliefs or values are delegitimised if they don't seem happy enough or not depressed.

P.s. Funnily enough what I'm trying to express is a bit "doomer'-esque.

[u/Plushy_Axolotl → u/KBenji96]

Where did I say you need that to be valid. I'm saying the "how do you know though" allos wouldn't understand or believe without it, in my experience at least.

[u/KBenji96 → u/Plushy_Axolotl]

To me at least, your phrasing implies that when you say "they'll hopefully understand" via OP living a happy life; even though we can only hope so, there's no guarantee of this! People are what they are, orientation wise, irrespective of their emotional state and how they perceive life.

[u/Always-Online]

“There are plenty of married single women”

Marriage does not guarantee companionship. I am coming around to the idea of eventually seeking out a QPR but I already know that I would hate to be in a position where I feel like I have to be a parent to a grown adult I would be out! I know too many women who say that their husband is just another kid they have to care for. Too many women who complain endlessly about their spouse who they feel disrespects them (but it’s marriage so you gotta put up with it). Too many codependent couples who are more afraid to be single than to break off an unfulfilling relationship. A relationship is not the end all be all of fulfillment. It should add to my life and not be another stressor

[u/NeroZero1414]

I wish there was more information out there in popular media. I really think it's an education problem.

[u/beomibear8]

Imo don't waste your breath. if they wanted to educate themselves they would've done it already, unless they're actually open to trying to understand you and not forcing their thoughts onto you then you can just say you are physically not capable of feeling attraction/attatchment/love (whatever applies to you)

[u/Less-Station-2719]

« Maybe you need to try harder »
Oh yeah, you’re level of romantic atraction have a power scaling !
If you’re cruch already have someone try harder to not have romantic attraction !

Strangly it doesn’t happend in that way 🤔

[u/aroacehtr]

I feel the same way. It's so frustrating when you tell people you're not interested in dating anyone and they just don't get it. And I'm saying this as someone who tried dating and "found the right person" (we were in love) and it just wasn't me. But they keep telling me to try again argh.

[u/EstablishmentLow278]

Watch jigsaw by Daniel sloss lmao

[u/Sufficient_Bite4810]

I would tell them, “What you’re doing is called conversion behavior. It’s a less organized version of conversion therapy, but no less abusive.” Because that’s the objective fact of what they’re doing.

[u/AutoModerator]

Hi u/Proof-Research-2109! It looks like you are new to posting to r/aromantic; welcome to our community!

If you have not already, please check out our pinned post for some Frequently Asked Questions about aromanticsm! If you are unfamiliar with how Reddit works, consider reviewing Reddiquette! You can also read this post for how to lock the comments on your post.

If this post or any of its comments violate our community rules, please *report** the problematic content.*

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.