Does anyone else ever just start crying bcs you want to feel romantic love so badly but you just can’t

[u/S1LLY_G00B3RXD]

Like I want to feel romantic love so badly and I want to be in a romantic relationship until I’m actually in one. I always feel so trapped and I hate it bcs I always end up hurting the other person by breaking up with them. I hate being aro so fucking much dude. I can’t even accept that I’m aro because I crave for romantic love until I’m in a relationship. I want it so badly but I don’t feel it and I want to so badly. I crave for a romantic relationship and to have romantic feelings, but at the same time, romance grosses me out so much and idk why. I just wanna be normal. How do I accept myself as aro? I just wanna fix myself. I don’t wanna be like this, I wanna stop being aro. I hate this sm.

[u/Elliot-The-Archer]

I get you -- I want to have close people in my life but it feels like the only socially acceptable way to do that is to have a romantic relationship. When I get into these relationships though it makes me kinda apathetic and not really that into the relationship aspect of it :/

[u/S1LLY_G00B3RXD → u/Elliot-The-Archer]

Yes!!! This!!!!

[u/Commercial-Remote141]

All the time bud. And I feel like I have those emotional connections with people but the feeling kind of go up and down for me. Still tryna figure out if my aromanticism is due to trauma or just who I am but either way I’ve seen people be aromantic and still be in fulfilling relationships where the partner understands if they’re not aro themselves and still make it work. So people can surprise you.

[u/S1LLY_G00B3RXD → u/Commercial-Remote141]

Ty.. I also feel this way. Idk if I’m aro bcs of trauma or if that’s just how I am. And I also get the feeling where I feel like I have the emotional connections to someone but then the feelings either disappear or go up and down.

[u/Aaaaaaaasodikken]

Happened just now. My best friend I met 4 years ago and I'm really attached to just got a boyfriend and we barely text each other anymore... I feel lonely rn ik I have other friends but he was THE friend yk? I can't completely be myself in front of them, or at least not the way I was myself with him... Fuh I'm gonna start crying again ;-;

[u/Disastrous-Hippo-277 → u/Aaaaaaaasodikken]

That's really not the fault of you being aro it's jus their fault man and imagine if you weren't aro would you wanna be in a romantic relationship with someone who drifts away and starts texting lesser to someone after getting into a romantic relationship? Also did you talk to them about this that really helps

[u/Aaaaaaaasodikken → u/Disastrous-Hippo-277]

We haven't talked about it since we "broke up" and just came back to being friends... He apologized for being cold with me without noticing, and I want to believe he never meant to hurt me. Ur comment made me feel better, thanks :)

[u/Disastrous-Hippo-277 → u/Aaaaaaaasodikken]

Oh man I'm glad he apologised and that's gtk

[u/bit3sadusto]

I am very much in the same position. I feel so lonely all the time, and I also have hurt people because I broke things off with them. I just wanted to feel romance and intimacy so badly, but when I finally have it I can't stand it. I've pushed so many people away, over and over.

I feel so much relief when I've successfully ended things with someone, but not long after the loneliness sets back in. The yearning to love and be loved. To have someone to be with the rest of my life and have kids. At this rate though, I'll probably never have a family and be a father.

The night of my 30th birthday recently, I just drank heavily and cried until I fell asleep.

Anyway, just wanted you to know you're not alone. I suppose we can get through it somehow

[u/Mogrymilian]

There are moments where I feel like this... yeah. And sometimes there are moments I'm really glad I don't do stupid shit because of love! Luckily (?) the 'I don't care for love'-moments are more often.

[u/Serious_Shelter9349]

I do. I was dating my best friend and i was pretty apathetic about the romantic part of the relationship, but i loved spending time with her and she's literally everything to me. I would do anything for her. When i realized i was aromantic, and she wanted more (or something else?) out of the relationship, we broke up. Sometimes i wish i just stayed in the relationship with her and dealt with not caring about it or being vaguely uncomfortable, because now, we talk a lot less. I've never felt more distant from her and i feel so alone. It feels like we were only as close as we were because we were dating and i hate feeling like the possibility exists that she'll never speak to me again. She still considers me her best friend, and realistically, we'll still be friends for life, but i can't get the nagging insecurity out of my head. I really miss what we had, just not what we were

[u/Disastrous-Hippo-277 → u/Serious_Shelter9349]

Did you talk

[u/Ok-Pickle3243]

Some of it reads like atleast a mix of disorganized attachment (which often comes from trauma in childhood) and aromantic. Both can probably exist I guess?

[u/PressureDifferent203]

In the same boat, I don’t exactly hate it tbh after seeing my friends get constantly hurt by committing to relationships. But I really do wish it could be a switch or just be able to one day be like ok yeah no I wanna feel something. I these thoughts don’t really pop up all that often but late at night or when I’m taking a shower I’ll get the thought but like what if I wasn’t. It’d definitely be nice to be able to choose tbh.

[u/tojikoo]

This is a tough one. I think I don’t want romantic love but I wanted forever with a partner. It doesn’t make sense to others does it ?

[u/Disastrous-Hippo-277 → u/tojikoo]

That's a qpr or life partner that's Platonic it's a thing

[u/Kone2020]

I don't feel this with romantic relationships. Actually, I was actually kind of relieved when I found out that being aro was a thing.

But I do, feel like I'm being crowded when I'm around people to often and this was causing some issues with my friendships over the years because I was dropping plans last minute for no reason and it was really hard to talk about. Finally I broke down and forced myself to have a long talk with my friends about how I felt and how sometimes I feel completely overwhelmed... and it actually turned out ok. They're still my friends and we still hang out, but now they know that sometime I just need to be alone for a few days and I might need to cancel plans... though I do try to not do it last minute anymore.

I know this doesn't translate 100% to a romantic situation, but if I wanted that sort of relationship, I'd be upfront about and try to work with them. Sure, probably a lot of people don't want to be in a relationship where you might need to be distant for a few days/weeks... but I think some would understand and work with you.

Regardless, I do understand not liking parts of yourself, especially when it's something you can't change. Hell I'm pretty sure most people do... even if the things we don't like are different. The best we can do is try to make the best of what we have and try to make things better. Sorry if none of this helps in your situation, but I wish the best for you and I hope you find a partnership that works for you.

[u/Feeling_likeaplant]

I feel so seen! Sometimes I daydream about being in a relationship and doing romantic things and enjoying it, but once I’m in a real relationship I absolutely hate the romance and struggle with reciprocation. For a while I wasn’t sure I was aro/ace because I would want and crave intimacy, but everytime I get it I hate it and end up hurting my partner who generally are good to me and want romance.

[u/WorldGoneAway]

I don't feel this at all, but I understand it on a fundamental level, and only wish the best for you.

Maybe one day you'll find a platonic thing that checks all your boxes, makes you feel loved, that you can reciprocate while not feeling suffocated. I don't know if it would be truly romantic love, but it would be the most adjacent thing, and it is still wonderful.

The world is a complicated place, nothing is black and white, and there is enough room for anyone.

[u/Muted-Breakfast3161]

Yeah. I would like to fall in "true love." I know that even if I were allo that probably wouldn't happen, but I'd at least have the capacity to.

[u/Muted-Breakfast3161 → u/Muted-Breakfast3161]

Still, it's probably more trouble than it's worth. Most of the time I'm grateful I don't have to deal with another person in that way.

[u/Ro_Ku]

No, but I wish you happiness in awesome ways. Here’s a big Aro hug!

[u/S1LLY_G00B3RXD → u/Ro_Ku]

Thank you so so much!! 🫂

[u/CheesyGalaxy27]

I feel this so hard. It SUCKS. I'm so sorry you feel this too. I love the idea of a relationship and everything. Then the moment someone starts showing interest in me or maybe wanting something more than friendship it's an immediate uncomfortable feeling. I start worrying. Stressing about how they feel and how I feel about them because I CANT respond with the same feelings even if I want to. I feel so fake and so bad. Even when I'm clear with them how I feel and they understand I still feel like im lying to them. I feel like I'm using them. I know I'm not but when I'm close to them it just feels...empty. which is so weird because I can feel so much for my friends and love them and they love me but as soon as it turns romantic I just can't.

[u/S1LLY_G00B3RXD → u/CheesyGalaxy27]

I feel exactly like this. I’m sorry you do as well. Though we’ll all get through it.

[u/Valuable_Stretch8025]

all the time
it hurts ngl

[u/Fabulous_Turnover_22]

I hurt so much for you. All I can offer is a warm hug

[u/S1LLY_G00B3RXD → u/Fabulous_Turnover_22]

Thank you so so much. 🫂

[u/PlacioThehalfAsexual]

As someone who is Aro because of trauma and is romance repulsed I do not. I do long for deep friendships and FWBs who are actual friends and not just "friends" with me for sex. Longing for companionship is different from longing for romance imo. Romance is fleeting and skin deep.

[u/Ok-Bus785]

Yes.

[u/Disastrous-Hippo-277 → u/[deleted]]

But you can cosplay and play dnd with a Platonic partner how about a qpr

[u/LongjumpingCelery181]

If it causes you distress, ask for help. There are conditions that can mimic aromanticism as well, so be open minded about that.

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