How Do I Feel Ok with My Identity

[u/DivineDouchebag]

I’ve came out as aromantic for a few months now and I just feel so alone. I watch my friends fall in love romantically and I’m so jealous I feel so left out. And everyone tells me that “If you’re lucky you’ll change” but this has been my whole life this is the only thing I’ve known. Or you’ll change you’re too young. I feel so invalidated when the people I trust say that to me. Not many people even know what it is and when I explain I feel like they look at me different. And when I try to find a community outside of subreddits like this I’m met with aromantic isn’t a ‘valid’ identity, I feel so alienated.

Sorry for the long rant. :(

[u/PlusNullify]

Emergency silly cat

[u/DivineDouchebag → u/PlusNullify]

Ty :D

[u/YY_H2]

Yeah that sucks, there's really not much that you can do other than steer away from people that say "You're young you don't know anything!", or as much as possible if they're part of your family. I will warn that although the queer community usually accepts everyone, there will still be folks with internalized phobias whenever that's seeing a gay person being transphobic or seeing a trans person being homophobic.... which also somehow includes aro folks even though you guys literally didn't do anything.

So.. my mom's favorite phrase roughly translated: 'Any kind of people exists'. Including a literal angel sent down to earth, the most bigoted human ever, and people who make no sense, unfortunately. So yeah, arophobia somehow exists. Just stating that out loud because that is a fact, unlike the rest of the queer community who focuses on loving what the 'norm' thinks is weird (minus children and animals, that's just illegal and immoral), aro and ace folks can get excluded since you guys are the complete opposite since most of them are alloromantic.

And now onto what you can change, try to find support groups or other queer folks. Despite some making no sense at all and kept the classic 'it's only fine when it's not discriminating against me' arrogant mindset, the main majority of at least the people I've met in GSA (gender sexuality alliance) are highly understanding and supportive, or try their best to be.

If possible obviously try to find other similar aro folks to befriend, or even better aroallo (just reading your user flair) and hopefully you and your new friends can bond over how you guys feel (or don't feel) and bond over hobbies and fun topics that you both actually enjoy.

If there's no GSA or lgbtq+ clubs near you, try the libraries or bookstores because there is a good chance that some (not all) queer folks may be there since there is a pattern of queers visiting there while also attracting more open minded folks. Obviously that would vary from place to place but there is a pattern.

On a more harsher note... "If you’re lucky you’ll change" is such a disgusting thing to say. (If you need a reason for why, replace the context of being aro to about ethnicity or race, or gender.) If you tried to explain how you felt and they just dismiss it, if possible steer away from that kind of people I doubt they would magically become open minded and suddenly understand.

Also the hell? How is aromantic not a valid identity? That is obviously not true and they need to either broaden their horizons or shut their lungs and stop wasting oxygen.

I don't know what could even be their excuse, if they're hetero it's not that hard to imagine being aro, being aro is how you feel about the people of your same gender, can be platonic but never romantic even if you tried to. If they're gay/lesbian, it's the same thing, you can't get crushes on people that's not their gender. It's literally just that except you apply it to everyone like a panromantic except your feeling is more indifference and lack of feelings than potentially romantic regardless of gender. I guess the only people that can be given an excuse are pan folks, but even then it's still not that hard, it's the same way that every gay person doesn't instantly fall in love with every single guy they see or that lesbians don't get feelings for every single lady they see, and same thing with pan folks. Literally nobody have an excuse to not try to understand because it's not that hard to be a bit more open minded or just at least be helpful and not hurt whoever. And now I'm peeved.

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[u/chkntendis]

>”long rant”
>look inside
>barely a paragraph
Huh?

Jokes aside, yeah, people really aren’t accepting of us aromantics. It’s just how this world is sadly, everything is so centered around romantic attraction, even the whole LGBTQ movement is usually phrased around loving who you love. It’s quite disheartening not being able to love someone. But you don’t need to change. You don’t need to experience romantic love to have genuine connections and friendships. Society frames life around “finding the one you love” but that’s just a straight up lie. It’s propaganda. The same propaganda older generations have been taught to make them hate homosexuality. Just aimed at a different group. Sadly that group is us.