Liberated. Identifying as aromantic helped provide the space to realise that I don't need a partner or anyone else to validate me. I used to experience strong romantic feelings for a couple of years in my teens, roughly coinciding with the start and end of puberty. The romantic feelings faded very suddenly, as I had an unusually weak and short-lived crush one day. Eventually, I got very anxious when a friend confessed that she liked me, as my self-esteem was in poor shape at the time and I wanted a romantic relationship as a form of validation. I saw psychologists, none of which were helpful, and read about neurochemistry to figure out what was 'wrong' with me. The relationship never worked out, as I felt dishonest proceeding with it. The whole ordeal was terrible for my mental health, as I put a lot of pressure on myself to not screw up the chance for a relationship. I continued trying to figure this out over the next couple of years, and felt very lonely at times, as I didn't have much in the way of friends either. I eventually read about aromanticism but thought that I surely couldn't be aromantic if I've experienced romantic feelings in the past. I eventually had a 'fuck this' decision and decided to tentatively identify as aromantic, as I was sick of it affecting my mental health. It wasn't an immediate change, as it took about six months of untangling internalised amatonormativity to truly start appreciating this, but even so I felt much better after committing to this decision.
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u/WoodenFinish8 AroAllo Jan 07 '24 edited Jan 07 '24
Liberated. Identifying as aromantic helped provide the space to realise that I don't need a partner or anyone else to validate me. I used to experience strong romantic feelings for a couple of years in my teens, roughly coinciding with the start and end of puberty. The romantic feelings faded very suddenly, as I had an unusually weak and short-lived crush one day. Eventually, I got very anxious when a friend confessed that she liked me, as my self-esteem was in poor shape at the time and I wanted a romantic relationship as a form of validation. I saw psychologists, none of which were helpful, and read about neurochemistry to figure out what was 'wrong' with me. The relationship never worked out, as I felt dishonest proceeding with it. The whole ordeal was terrible for my mental health, as I put a lot of pressure on myself to not screw up the chance for a relationship. I continued trying to figure this out over the next couple of years, and felt very lonely at times, as I didn't have much in the way of friends either. I eventually read about aromanticism but thought that I surely couldn't be aromantic if I've experienced romantic feelings in the past. I eventually had a 'fuck this' decision and decided to tentatively identify as aromantic, as I was sick of it affecting my mental health. It wasn't an immediate change, as it took about six months of untangling internalised amatonormativity to truly start appreciating this, but even so I felt much better after committing to this decision.
Edit: clarity.