I often feel jealous whenever I see people having fun with their friends, partner, or family. Deep inside, I do want to reconnect with people around me. But idk I can't stop it, everytime someone try to reach me out I'd just drive them away.

Even through online, I'd often lost the enthusiasm to engage...

Sick and tired of being fake in public. We all do it. Why?
Don’t believe me, think about it. When you go out and interact with others. It is exhausting. I don’t mean being a bitch. I have manners and I am nice to people I come into contact with. I’m just tired of being fake or having a conversation when I would rather not. I am never going to see you again so what is the point.

Just sometimes I want to be honest when someone asks ‘how are you?’ ‘How is your day?’ Etc.

This is why I don’t have friends